The Woods The Wonderful Woods: Nature Unleashes Its Revenge

0:01 Speaker 1: When you sleep, you enter into another world. Beyond that world lies the doorway to nightmare. Nightmare Welcome. I'm your host through the doorway to nightmare. John Burroughs once said, I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to put my senses in order. Personally, I find a casual walk through the woods to be peaceful and calming. The rigors of the city float away on the breeze. There are those, however, who would rather have their souls in turmoil.

1:19 Speaker 2: Oh, aren't the trees lovely this time of year, Elliot?

1:24 Speaker 3: I only came out here because I thought I might be able to talk some sense into you.

1:27 Speaker 2: Oh, the breeze. Like a lover's kiss.

1:32 Speaker 3: It is simply a matter of a signature. All you have to do is sign the divorce papers.

1:39 Speaker 2: But isn't it just lovely to take a walk through the woods?

1:44 Speaker 3: Are you going to sign the papers or not?

1:46 Speaker 2: Did Will you ever love me? Even for one precious moment?

1:55 Speaker 3: Just sign the papers, please.

1:58 Speaker 2: Not even for one solitary moment?

2:02 Speaker 3: Not even for one moment.

2:09 Speaker 1: Our mystery drama, The Woods, The Wonderful Woods, was adapted from the short story and written especially for Doorway to Nightmare by Winslow Swan and stars Crimson McKenzie and Raymond Gibson. It is sponsored in part by Swanage Press. I'll be back shortly with Act One. between every two pines lies another world wrote john muir yes a peaceful walk among the forest trees can lift one's spirits up and cleanse the soul however Elliot Marshall, successful businessman, has an entirely different reason for being in the wonderful woods.

3:11 Speaker 2: How's the new car?

3:12 Speaker 3: Driving like any custom, Austin Martin. Of course, once you buy three of them, they pretty much are all the same.

3:23 Speaker 2: Elliot, you are impossible.

3:24 Speaker 3: You love me anyway.

3:26 Speaker 2: Yes, I do. Uh, Elliot, how long do you think this will take?

3:30 Speaker 3: Oh, all she has to do is sign the papers. It shouldn't take more than a couple of minutes.

3:36 Speaker 2: But why does she want to meet way out there? It's a pretty secluded spot for just signing divorce papers, don't you think?

3:42 Speaker 3: Beth, you know how she is. Always in the woods, collecting crystals, talking to plants and trees, all that hippie mumbo-jumbo garbage. I never could figure out her fascination with all of that junk.

3:57 Speaker 2: I just don't trust her.

3:58 Speaker 3: I promise, love, everything is going to be all right.

4:01 Speaker 4: What?

4:27 Speaker 3: God forsaken place. Rachel, where are you?

4:32 Speaker 2: I'm over here, Elliot.

4:36 Speaker 3: You picked a hell of a place to do this.

4:38 Speaker 2: Elliot, it's a beautiful place, a wonderful day.

4:45 Speaker 3: Well, I'm here. I brought the papers. I thought that maybe we.

4:51 Speaker 2: Come walk with me, Elliot. Elliot?

4:53 Speaker 3: Rachel, I don't have time.

4:56 Speaker 2: Well, you've already made time for today.

4:59 Speaker 1: Okay, Rachel.

5:01 Speaker 3: Anything to move this along.

5:03 Speaker 2: Oh, such a lonely little flower growing all by itself. No other flowers wanted it, I guess.

5:22 Speaker 3: Damn it, Rachel. You know I hate being out here.

5:25 Speaker 2: Yes, I know. Your custom-made suit tells me that. I suppose they don't fare well out here.

5:34 Speaker 1: No, they don't.

5:37 Speaker 3: Just sign the papers. They're back at the car. One little signature and then we can get on with our lives.

5:44 Speaker 2: Seems like you've already managed to do that. So, how is the business going?

5:51 Speaker 3: The business is going well. We just appropriated three new contracts.

5:56 Speaker 2: You mean you stole them, don't you?

5:59 Speaker 3: I won't dignify that with an answer. Yes, Rachel, the business is going quite well.

6:06 Speaker 2: Oh, that's so nice, Elliot.

6:09 Speaker 3: Look, I came all the way out here because you said that we should talk. Well, I don't want to talk. I want you to come back to my car so that you can put your signature on the dotted line. I've been more than fair with the settlement.

6:24 Speaker 2: Doesn't the sun look so beautiful through the trees? It makes such funny shadows on the path.

6:32 Speaker 3: I must admit, you are still good at doing that.

6:36 Speaker 2: What am I good at?

6:38 Speaker 3: Stalling.

6:40 Speaker 2: Is that what I'm good at, Elliot?

6:43 Speaker 3: Every time that we needed to discuss something important, you found such great ways to divert the subject.

6:50 Speaker 1: A butterfly!

6:51 Speaker 3: Just sign the damn papers!

6:56 Speaker 2: Elliot, did you know that if a person goes missing and they cannot find a body, that after seven years the next of kin inherits the estate?

7:06 Speaker 3: Now what does that have to do with anything?

7:09 Speaker 2: I think I could wait seven years. A solo year is eleven. Not quite as long as that. I could do that.

7:25 Speaker 1: Rachel smiles as Elliot feels a growing sense of fear. She turns and continues her leisurely stroll through the woods, the wonderful woods. You stroll back here when I return with Act Two. Elliot Marshall has driven out to the woods to meet with his estranged wife Rachel to convince her to sign divorce papers. Things have taken a rather ominous turn as we join the unhappy couple walking deeper into the woods.

8:20 Speaker 3: Where are we going, Rachel?

8:22 Speaker 2: You should really get out more, Elliot. It would do your health, heart, and soul so much good.

8:29 Speaker 3: What was that crack back there about anyway?

8:31 Speaker 2: I don't know what you're talking about.

8:34 Speaker 3: There are people who know where I am at, Rachel. Don't think that I didn't take certain precautions.

8:42 Speaker 2: Oh, I'm sure that you did. I'm absolutely positive that you left explicit instructions in the event that You do not return within a reasonable amount of time. I would expect nothing less of you, dear Elliot.

8:56 Speaker 3: Well, at least we understand each other about that.

9:00 Speaker 2: Just like I was absolutely positive that you told all those vicious lies about me. That was very naughty of you, Elliot.

9:11 Speaker 3: I don't know what you're talking about.

9:15 Speaker 2: Don't try to deny it, Elliot. You spread those rumors about me, telling everyone that I was crazy, just because I like to walk in the woods. And naturally, you added how I was screwing around on you, while we both know that it was you that was cheating. By the way, how is dear, sweet Queen Elizabeth?

9:40 Speaker 3: This is not about Beth. I think that I am being more than fair giving you a quarter of all of the assets.

9:49 Speaker 2: But I want it all, my love.

9:51 Speaker 3: Then take me to court. You would have to prove anything that you say about me. And I don't think that you can do that.

9:59 Speaker 1: Oh.

10:00 Speaker 2: Sweet Elliot, that could possibly be true.

10:03 Speaker 3: If it was your intention to bring me out to this desolate spot to kill me, bury my body somewhere, it won't work. Too many people know that I am here with you. Oh, precious.

10:17 Speaker 2: I have no intention of killing you. When I took you as my husband, I thought that it would be forever. Just like so many others, I was wrong.

10:32 Speaker 3: People grow apart, Rachel. It happens.

10:37 Speaker 2: Seven years. It is a long time. But I have waited much longer.

10:42 Speaker 1: But.

10:45 Speaker 3: You have just as much money as I do.

10:48 Speaker 2: More? Is that the only reason you married me in the first place?

10:53 Speaker 3: All right. I admit it. And why not? You have enough for several lifetimes. My attorneys did some checking on you.

11:03 Speaker 2: I'm sure that they did. And what did they find out?

11:08 Speaker 3: How old did you say that you were?

11:11 Speaker 2: Why don't you tell me?

11:12 Speaker 3: With the research that they did, they put you at around 347 years old. Now we both know that that is impossible.

11:20 Speaker 2: I look rather well for a woman pushing 400. I would have to be a vampire or possibly a witch or sorceress. I was named after my grandmother. Maybe what you laughingly call your attorneys made a mistake.

11:37 Speaker 1: Maybe....

11:39 Speaker 3: Maybe you are a witch. Elliot, don't be absurd.

11:45 Speaker 2: If I were a witch, don't you think that I would have been able to cast a spell over you and make you stay with me?

11:54 Speaker 3: I didn't say that you were very good at it.

11:59 Speaker 2: Oh, Elliot, you always could make me smile.

12:03 Speaker 3: Can we please stop this and just go sign the papers?

12:08 Speaker 2: Did you know... that I own this entire section of the woods.

12:14 Speaker 3: No, I didn't. But then I didn't know about the villa in France, or the castle in England, or the several thousand acres on the East Coast. Hell, I should be suing you for support.

12:28 Speaker 2: My, you do have very thorough lawyers, don't you?

12:33 Speaker 3: Well, they certainly cost enough.

12:35 Speaker 2: I buy the acreage because I wish to preserve as much of the woods as I can. After all, They give us life on this tiny planet we call Mother Earth. But then, you wouldn't know anything about that. You always thought it was sillier for me to walk amongst nature's giants than to go to one of your cocktail parties and present myself as the proper wife.

13:01 Speaker 3: Those parties help to build the business. Forgive me if I do not share your peculiarities.

13:11 Speaker 2: Loving nature peculiar? What is so peculiar about feeling the cool, soft ground on your bare feet? Or the gentle kiss of the wind on your cheek? The sun just warming your entire body.

13:28 Speaker 3: You know, there was a time when I thought the little hippie act was cute. Now, all I want is for you to march yourself back to the car and sign... Not.

13:41 Speaker 2: Even as long as a solar cycle. Not really any time at all, if you think about it.

13:48 Speaker 3: What the hell are you talking about?

13:50 Speaker 2: Elliot, tell me the truth. Did you ever really love me?

13:59 Speaker 3: Rachel, I never loved you. Courting you is almost an effort in futility. All the money that I spent on dates nearly drove me into bankruptcy. I had to marry you before I went completely broke. Oh, I do thank you for the start of Money for the Business. At least you were good for one thing.

14:23 Speaker 2: And when we made love, did you not love me then?

14:29 Speaker 3: I should be given an Academy Award for my performance. You would just lay there like a dead fish. I did all the work in that department. Why do you think that I wanted it to be over as quickly as possible? Oh, God.

14:49 Speaker 2: So, you never really loved me?

14:53 Speaker 1: No, Rachel.

14:55 Speaker 3: I never loved you.

15:06 Speaker 1: Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. So spoke Sir Alfred Lord Tennyson. But to find out that you were never loved can be the most devastating thing that the human heart can endure. Rachel has just found out that she was never loved by Elliot, And the darkness in her heart is growing. I'll return with Act 3 shortly. Elliot met his estranged wife, Rachel, in the woods that she loves so much, ostensibly to finalize their divorce. Rachel has just found out that Elliot never loved her.

16:06 Speaker 1: The news has come like a slap to the face. Her eyes grow cold and hard, and she points at Elliot and screams.

16:16 Speaker 2: You never loved me?

16:17 Speaker 4: I gave you my heart, my soul, and you never even wanted me?

16:24 Speaker 3: Oh, quit being hysterical. Did you honestly think for one moment that I ever loved you? No, you know.

16:31 Speaker 2: I suppose not.

16:32 Speaker 4: I guess it was just simply wishful thinking on my part.

16:37 Speaker 3: You are plain, unrefined, and in general, a constant bore.

16:43 Speaker 2: Only seven years.

16:50 Speaker 3: Where did that come from?

16:53 Speaker 2: You never loved me.

16:54 Speaker 1: You never.

16:57 Speaker 2: Loved me! But you will always be with me.

17:05 Speaker 3: Looks like a storm's coming. Come on, let's get back to the car.

17:07 Speaker 2: Oh, no, Elliot. Look around you. This is the perfect place for you. A small clearing in the middle of the woods.

17:17 Speaker 3: Yes, yes.

17:19 Speaker 2: A perfect spot.

17:20 Speaker 1: Rachel, what are you doing?

17:27 Speaker 3: Oh, my God. My feet. They're sinking into the ground.

17:34 Speaker 3: I can't get them out. My feet are buried in the ground. I can't move them. What the hell is happening to me?

17:45 Speaker 2: My legs.

17:47 Speaker 3: Something is crawling up them. Is that vines? It feels like bark. Bark. What are you doing?

17:59 Speaker 2: You never loved me.

18:02 Speaker 3: You never loved nature.

18:04 Speaker 2: Now you will become a part of something that I love.

18:13 Speaker 3: My hands. They're covered in leaves. My God, I'm growing branches. Rachel, please stop. I loved you. I've always loved you. I never want to leave you. Oh, God, my legs are... They're covered in tree bark. Please, Rachel, forget about the divorce.

18:33 Speaker 1: I swear.

18:33 Speaker 3: I swear... I swear... I swear.

18:36 Speaker 2: I swear.

18:57 Speaker 2: Elliot, can you hear me? I have given you a wonderful gift, Elliot. You will now have a greater appreciation for nature. You are now part of the woods, the wonderful woods. You will remain here for a bit. Feeling Mother Earth giving you the life force that you needed. You will feel every bird, squirrel, bug, and animal that makes its way to you. Imagine the staccato beat of a woodpecker as it pecks into you. The termites as they bore into you. Feeding off of the marrow of your... Your.

19:50 Speaker 2: Your bark, your wood.

19:57 Speaker 4: You will feel everything from the rain, the sun, to the scratches of bears and squirrels that will make their home inside of you.

20:10 Speaker 2: Welcome to hell, Elliot.

20:30 Speaker 1: Tree service. How can I help you?

20:33 Speaker 2: Hi. Do you do single tree removal?

20:37 Speaker 1: Why, yes, ma'am.

20:38 Speaker 2: Very good. I have just one tree that I wish to be cut down.

20:42 Speaker 3: Well, that ain't gonna be a problem.

20:44 Speaker 1: We can do it tomorrow if that's soon enough.

20:47 Speaker 3: Is it close to your house?

20:50 Speaker 2: Oh, no. It's on some property a few miles outside the city. Um, I have a friend who's gonna be using the wood to make me a wardrobe. Would that be possible?

21:00 Speaker 3: Well, just give me the directions and we can deliver it to your friend.

21:03 Speaker 2: Now, do you take it all the way down to the roots?

21:06 Speaker 1: Like.

21:06 Speaker 2: A stump removal so that it gets everything?

21:10 Speaker 3: Ma'am, when we get done, you won't know that a tree had ever been there.

21:14 Speaker 2: Okay, excellent! Just have them bring the paperwork and I shall be happy to sign on the dotted line.

21:25 Speaker 1: A few months later, a beautiful oak wardrobe was delivered to the home of Rachel. She keeps it clean and dust-free. She has been known to speak to it, gently, almost lovingly, as if it were someone that she knew intimately. I'll be back, shortly. The scientist Carl Sagan once said, Deep down at the molecular heart of life, the trees and we are essentially identical. In Elliot's case, it's more true than he could have ever imagined. Our cast included Crimson McKenzie, Raymond Gibson, Patience Adams, and Mark Wheeler.

22:35 Speaker 1: The entire production was under the direction of Winslow Swan. And now, a preview of our next tale.

22:48 Speaker 3: I'm never going to pass! No, Fred.

22:52 Speaker 2: You have to think positive, hon.

22:55 Speaker 1: Okay.

22:56 Speaker 3: I'm positive that I'm going to fail.

22:58 Speaker 2: Fred, you've been practicing for over a month now.

23:02 Speaker 4: You've almost got it all together, so just don't worry.

23:07 Speaker 3: But if I fail.

23:09 Speaker 1: You.

23:09 Speaker 2: Are not going to fail.

23:11 Speaker 3: But if I do, that means that I will have to leave.

23:17 Speaker 1: Doorway to Nightmare is brought to you in part by Swanage Press. This is your host inviting you to return with us through the doorway to nightmare for another adventure into the world of your terrifying imagination. Until next time, slumber peacefully. Epilogue. The butler did it.