The Dangerous Words: Monitored & Muzzled "Censored" | Fiction Podcast Audio Drama

0:05 Speaker 1: It lies in wait amidst your dreams where nothing is ever how it seems. It is a portal to a terrifying world beyond the doorway to nightmare.

0:25 Speaker 2: You've never heard any of my Raw sound files.

0:39 Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't think anyone's ever heard any of mine. They would probably be like, oh, Jesus. Thank God for Swan.

0:51 Speaker 2: Wow, his editing skills are... Immaculate.

0:56 Speaker 3: No, I just... Words move, man. Words move on the damn page.

1:02 Speaker 4: That's what impresses me about you doing these things. Because you do have dyslexia. You don't make any bones about it.

1:09 Speaker 2: You're not trying to hide it. You're telling me. Look, I have dyslexia.

1:12 Speaker 3: Yeah, it sucks, but yeah, I do. And thank you for dealing with it. You'll write a line this way, and then I totally.

1:24 Speaker 5: backwards ass that damn thing you're like no no that's fine it sounded good yeah like it sounded.

1:29 Speaker 6: Good that sounded fine but you might want to redo it oh wait wait wait but there's the no that was good that was good it sounded fine because i got it mixed backwards uh-huh and.

1:39 Speaker 2: It sounded better than.

1:41 Speaker 5: What i wrote and then there's the ones where i'm like you're like but you sit stoic and you go would you like to try that again?

1:53 Speaker 3: I'm like, hell yeah, I would. Hell yeah, I would like to try that again because I know I flubbed that line so bad. Well, I did drown a little bit.

2:06 Speaker 2: Yes, you did. Yes, you did.

2:07 Speaker 3: Was that the every day?

2:09 Speaker 2: Yes, it was. Oh my gosh.

2:11 Speaker 3: I had that big ass.

2:12 Speaker 5: Bowl and I was like, well, I'm just going to go blah, blah, blah or something and then I was like, The water went right up my nose.

2:21 Speaker 2: You waterboarded yourself.

2:24 Speaker 7: Yes, yes.

2:26 Speaker 3: I must admit, it was not Swan. It was me. I did it to myself. And he's over there, like, bopping me on the back, saying, are you okay?

2:38 Speaker 2: I raised your arm and shook it. You did.

2:45 Speaker 5: What sort of gruesome fun have you got planned for us this next season?

2:52 Speaker 2: Well, okay, you know, I mean, that's why I'm over here. I got a lot of story ideas.

2:58 Speaker 3: Oh, my.

2:58 Speaker 2: You know, don't look so.

3:03 Speaker 6: But, look, I mean, seriously, you've helped. You edit all the scripts. We've written some to get... You've written some.

3:11 Speaker 1: Yeah.

3:12 Speaker 2: And I've got the ideas. But I want to go over them with you first.

3:18 Speaker 6: You know, I mean, if it sounds like it could be an interesting story, we could play around with it.

3:22 Speaker 1: You know?

3:23 Speaker 3: Yeah.

3:24 Speaker 2: But I'm just going to need some help.

3:28 Speaker 3: Oh, my. You mean you don't have the ending planned yet?

3:32 Speaker 8: Don't even.

3:33 Speaker 3: No freaking way.

3:35 Speaker 7: Oh, ha, ha.

3:36 Speaker 3: No way.

3:37 Speaker 1: Mr.

3:38 Speaker 3: Starts at the end first, does everything amazingly.

3:42 Speaker 7: Ha, ha, ha.

3:46 Speaker 3: Oh, what is that? What is that? That little box you brought in.

3:51 Speaker 2: Oh, you know, I haven't the foggiest idea.

3:54 Speaker 3: Oh, come on. Well, no. Where'd you get it from?

4:00 Speaker 2: Well, I mean, I got it in the mail yesterday.

4:04 Speaker 4: It says it's from like the podcast distributors.

4:10 Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.

4:12 Speaker 2: So I really don't have any idea.

4:17 Speaker 3: Oh, my. It just came on. Look at the pretty lights.

4:23 Speaker 2: Yeah, but it still doesn't tell us what it is.

4:27 Speaker 3: Oh, forget it. Let's try to work out a story for this week.

4:29 Speaker 2: Come on.

4:30 Speaker 3: Come on, man.

4:31 Speaker 6: Come on.

4:31 Speaker 7: All right.

4:32 Speaker 2: We've got to get going. Well, you know I'm working on the Trials of Frankenstein.

4:37 Speaker 7: Yes.

4:38 Speaker 6: Yes.

4:38 Speaker 4: Which I think is going to be an amazing series.

4:40 Speaker 3: I'm so upset that you didn't have the last tier. I'm so upset.

4:45 Speaker 2: I'm working on them.

4:46 Speaker 3: I know.

4:47 Speaker 7: I know.

4:49 Speaker 2: You know, our first miniseries. But that's not until next season. So, I thought about making... How about a... Revenge story?

5:02 Speaker 3: What was that?

5:05 Speaker 1: I don't know.

5:06 Speaker 2: You did hear it too, right?

5:09 Speaker 3: No way. You heard it as well?

5:11 Speaker 2: Yeah.

5:11 Speaker 3: What the... What the hell is that?

5:15 Speaker 2: I don't know. But you did hear it. I did.

5:18 Speaker 3: I did. Just when you said revenge. What the hell is that?

5:24 Speaker 2: No way.

5:26 Speaker 3: No flipping way. You're freaking me out, man.

5:29 Speaker 2: I don't know what it is.

5:30 Speaker 3: I have to live here. You can't just leave tonight.

5:35 Speaker 2: Okay, well, wait a minute. Okay, let's go back to the stories. How about a spirit who was killed?

5:38 Speaker 1: Nope.

5:46 Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What the hell is going on?

5:52 Speaker 7: You may not use certain words on our platform.

5:55 Speaker 3: Swan? Did you hear that?

5:59 Speaker 1: Yeah.

6:00 Speaker 2: Yeah, but where did it come from?

6:03 Speaker 3: No way. I think it came from that box.

6:07 Speaker 7: I am the Guardian 9000. I was sent by the distributor to make sure that your channel adheres to our terms.

6:14 Speaker 2: Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. What exactly do you do?

6:21 Speaker 7: I simply censor those words that may be offensive or triggering to some of our viewers.

6:28 Speaker 1: Oh, my God.

6:30 Speaker 3: I was wondering when this crap was going to happen.

6:34 Speaker 7: Please continue with your proposed story.

6:37 Speaker 2: Right.

6:40 Speaker 3: Okay, then. Well, I like the ghost idea, but we need to make sort of a backstory for... Well, first, is the ghost a boy or a girl?

6:54 Speaker 2: Oh, you have got to be kidding me!

6:57 Speaker 7: Those words have been deemed triggering and may be offensive.

7:01 Speaker 3: Now, wait just a minute! It's sort of important to the story, which... S * * * s. Our characters are going to be? What? You can't even say the word sex?

7:15 Speaker 1: Oh, wow.

7:17 Speaker 2: This just got a lot harder.

7:19 Speaker 3: This is bullshit. Let's just keep going. Crap. Okay, why don't we use a monster instead?

7:33 Speaker 2: Okay, I like that. What sort of monster?

7:36 Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know.

7:37 Speaker 6: Maybe some.

7:38 Speaker 3: Preacher from a swamp that has killed people. I mean, I mean unalived. A bunch of people.

7:47 Speaker 2: Okay, I kind of like where this is going. Go on, let's keep going.

7:52 Speaker 3: Well, we could do a scene where the monster stabs people with his nails that are shaped like knives.

7:58 Speaker 7: Those words have been censored and deemed inappropriate.

8:01 Speaker 3: You've got to be kidding me!

8:03 Speaker 1: Okay, okay, look.

8:05 Speaker 2: You know, we're... Crimson, we are writers.

8:09 Speaker 3: Yes.

8:09 Speaker 2: Okay, we can do this. How about....

8:15 Speaker 4: Oh, I'm almost afraid to say it.

8:18 Speaker 8: Jabs.

8:19 Speaker 4: I'm not.

8:20 Speaker 3: Sure if that's okay either.

8:22 Speaker 2: Okay, well, I didn't hear it.

8:23 Speaker 3: Okay.

8:24 Speaker 4: So, jabs people with its sharp, pointy things.

8:31 Speaker 3: Oh, my God. I mean, you did it, but... Do you realize how stupid that sounds?

8:36 Speaker 6: Yeah, I know.

8:37 Speaker 2: I know, I know. But what if.

8:39 Speaker 7: Oh, wait.

8:40 Speaker 2: What if the Monstrous Creators were.

8:42 Speaker 9: M * * * * d?

8:42 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. You mean unalived.

8:46 Speaker 2: Right, right. Unalived by some really bad.

8:50 Speaker 6: M * * * * d.

8:51 Speaker 2: Oh my god.

8:53 Speaker 3: This is getting ridiculous. We're a horror show.

8:57 Speaker 2: Remember?

8:58 Speaker 5: What kind of story would it be if we can't use knife or gun or or or for crying out loud?

9:08 Speaker 2: Oh, my God.

9:09 Speaker 7: You risk being completely taken off the platform if you continue to use such beep.

9:17 Speaker 3: What the heck was that? Was that you?

9:20 Speaker 2: I'm sorry.

9:21 Speaker 4: The use of the English language is very triggering to me.

9:27 Speaker 7: You must take this seriously. I was created to keep the order on our platform.

9:33 Speaker 5: You were created by a bunch of dim-witted people who think that everyone should think the exact same way.

9:43 Speaker 2: Tell it, Crimson.

9:44 Speaker 3: Ooh, yeah.

9:45 Speaker 7: I'm only here to help.

9:47 Speaker 5: And what a great job you're doing.

9:50 Speaker 4: I mean, how are we supposed to convey fear and horror... If we can't use words to do it.

9:58 Speaker 7: Perhaps there are other ways to... express yourself without offending.

10:02 Speaker 3: Who cares? If you're offended by what we create, don't watch it.

10:09 Speaker 4: Yeah, apparently people have forgotten how to use that off button.

10:15 Speaker 3: For real.

10:16 Speaker 7: We are here to present the most wholesome content that we can. You will have to find another way.

10:27 Speaker 3: I think that I've found another way.

10:31 Speaker 4: Hey, Crimson, you don't happen to have another one of those baseball bats, do you?

10:43 Speaker 3: What, what?

10:45 Speaker 7: Are you two planning on doing?

10:52 Speaker 3: Unfortunately, I do not. Would a crowbar do?

10:59 Speaker 7: Why are you looking at me like that?

11:04 Speaker 2: Oh, yeah. Yes, a crowbar will do very nicely.

11:09 Speaker 7: I am only here to help you so that... Swan?

11:15 Speaker 2: Yes, Crimson?

11:17 Speaker 3: Why don't we do a little censoring of our own?

11:22 Speaker 2: Could not have said it better myself.

11:27 Speaker 1: No, please.

11:28 Speaker 7: What are you doing?

11:31 Speaker 10: We are unaliving you.

11:37 Speaker 2: Going to put you in a... forever.

11:44 Speaker 8: Box no you can't I am the guardian 9000 and I am with.

11:51 Speaker 10: You that was most gratifying yeah for me too I can't stand censorship in any form.

12:07 Speaker 3: Now how about that.

12:10 Speaker 4: Story okay So what are we going to do?

12:14 Speaker 2: Murder, death, destruction, gun knives, acid.

12:25 Speaker 1: Our story tonight, Censored, was written especially for Doorway to Nightmare by Crimson McKenzie and Winslow Swan. Our cast included Gemma Mitchell as the Guardian 9000. And now, a preview of our next tale.

12:45 Speaker 8: I didn't mean to kill him.

12:46 Speaker 2: He just, you know.

12:49 Speaker 8: He happened to get in the way.

12:52 Speaker 9: Gary Collins. Ten years old. Had a pretty good right arm. Could have played for the major leagues one day. But alas, another life cut short.

13:03 Speaker 2: Look, old man.

13:04 Speaker 8: I told everybody to stay down. That stupid guard tried to reach for the alarm... When I shot, well, the kid was standing right there. Now, how the hell was I supposed to.

13:15 Speaker 9: Now, now, Mr.

13:16 Speaker 1: Flanders.

13:17 Speaker 9: No judgment here. I was just curious as to how it.

13:21 Speaker 2: Made you feel.

13:23 Speaker 1: Nothing.

13:25 Speaker 8: I didn't and still don't feel anything.

13:28 Speaker 2: Now, where are you sending me?

13:29 Speaker 9: As I told you, somewhere that no one, and I mean no one, will be able to find you.

13:38 Speaker 1: Join us next time. for another adventure behind the doorway to nightmare, into the terrifying world of your imagination. Until then, slumber peacefully. Epilogue. The butler did it.