The Madman’s Sadistic Relationship Test | Audio Drama "The Test"

0:00 Speaker 1: Hey guys, this is Crimson.

0:02 Speaker 2: And this is Swan.

0:03 Speaker 1: Season 3 is here.

0:05 Speaker 3: And we'd love to know what you think of the stories.

0:08 Speaker 1: Even if it's bad.

0:09 Speaker 3: So leave us a comment.

0:11 Speaker 1: Or give us a thumbs up.

0:12 Speaker 4: Thank you! With this key, you unlock the world to your dreams. What lies beyond could be the doorway to nightmare.

1:00 Speaker 4: Come in. Welcome. I'm your host through the doorway to nightmare. I begin with a question, mostly for married couples. How well do you know your partner? When people begin that journey down the road of getting to know one another, it can be a mysterious and stressful time. Secrets are hidden only to be admitted to as the couple grow closer.

1:35 Speaker 5: The rules are very simple. Follow them and you both will be able to walk out of that room.

1:42 Speaker 2: Just who the hell are you? What is this place?

1:46 Speaker 1: Tim, what does he want?

1:47 Speaker 5: You will notice that the only thing in this room is a table with a telephone. There are two buttons, a red and a green one. When the red one rings, Mr. Dalton will answer. The green one is for Mrs. Dalton.

2:02 Speaker 1: What do you want? What do you want?

2:07 Speaker 5: You will talk to me directly on the phone. The one rule to follow is, no matter what I say, you will not tell your spouse.

2:16 Speaker 2: We don't keep secrets from each other, you maniac.

2:19 Speaker 5: Are you so sure about that, Mr. Dalton?

2:26 Speaker 4: Our mystery drama, The Test, was written especially for Doorway to Nightmare by Winslow Swan and edited by Crimson McKenzie. Our stars, Dave Arkapov, Annie Mick, and Robert Jackson. I'll be back shortly with Act One. Permit me to introduce to you Timothy and Anna Dalton, an average couple who have been married for 10 years. As a matter of fact, Tim has made reservations at Well, a subpar restaurant where the food is just above that of a fast food restaurant. Both are currently on the phone talking with a friend.

3:32 Speaker 1: Yes, it's been ten years today. Oh, Marge, I'm surprised he even remembered. I don't know, Marge. He's been acting... Funny lately. I'm not sure. Just funny. Like he's been trying to avoid me. All I know is after tonight, he has got to go. And I don't mean just leaving. He's really got to go.

4:08 Speaker 2: Yeah, Fred. I gotta do this anniversary thing tonight, so no poker.

4:13 Speaker 4: Oh, yeah?

4:14 Speaker 5: Yeah.

4:15 Speaker 2: Does she have a sister? Oh, I'm sure that Anna will find fault with the place I picked out for our dinner. Hey, it was all I can afford. You know how she is, always wanting the best of everything. I swear, Fred, she's got to go. And I don't mean just leave. I really mean she has got to go.

4:48 Speaker 1: Last of the big spenders.

4:50 Speaker 2: What did you say?

4:51 Speaker 1: Oh, please, Tim. Could you not have picked a cheaper place for our anniversary? I mean, the burger place across the street is still open.

5:00 Speaker 2: What do you want from me? A five-star place would have charged us 50 bucks for breadsticks.

5:06 Speaker 1: Yes, everyone, please meet my husband of ten wonderful years, Diamond Jim.

5:12 Speaker 2: Dammit, Anna. I'm doing the best I can with what I bring home. You would think that you would appreciate that.

5:20 Speaker 1: Tim, you have been with that same company for 15 years. In all of that time, you have once to get any kind of raise.

5:31 Speaker 2: Can I help it if the economy's bad?

5:33 Speaker 1: You've never even asked.

5:35 Speaker 2: So sue me.

5:36 Speaker 1: Maybe I should. For a divorce. Fine.

5:40 Speaker 2: We can call an attorney in the morning.

5:44 Speaker 1: You can barely afford me now. Divorce would bankrupt you.

5:48 Speaker 2: Just keep it up, Anna. You might find yourself walking home.

5:52 Speaker 5: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voices? We've been getting some complaints from the other diners.

5:59 Speaker 2: I'm surprised you even have other diners.

6:02 Speaker 5: Is there anything wrong with the mail?

6:04 Speaker 2: I'm sure we can.

6:05 Speaker 1: Oh, it's not your fault. My husband, and I use that term very loosely... thinks that a can of tuna and some mac and cheese is a gourmet meal.

6:15 Speaker 2: That's it. We're out of here.

6:24 Speaker 1: Tim, please be careful.

6:26 Speaker 2: Now you're going to tell me how to drive. It's just a little rain.

6:31 Speaker 1: It's getting worse.

6:35 Speaker 2: Will you please shut up and let me drive?

6:39 Speaker 4: Great.

6:40 Speaker 2: Now what's this idiot's problem?

6:42 Speaker 1: What is it?

6:43 Speaker 2: If this guy behind me gets any closer, he's going to be in the back seat.

6:47 Speaker 1: Maybe he needs to get around us.

6:49 Speaker 2: He can go take a flying leap.

6:52 Speaker 5: Hey!

6:53 Speaker 2: Go ahead, you moron! Turn your bright lights on. Blinding me helps so much.

6:59 Speaker 1: What's he doing?

7:01 Speaker 5: Hey!

7:01 Speaker 2: Back off!

7:02 Speaker 1: Tim? Hang on!

7:04 Speaker 2: He's trying to bump me off the road. What the hell is.

7:08 Speaker 1: Wrong with this guy? Tim, watch out! Tim?

7:24 Speaker 5: Tim!

7:24 Speaker 1: Please wake up! Tim? Baby, please, you've got to wake up.

7:30 Speaker 3: What happened?

7:31 Speaker 1: We were hit by that car from behind. You ran off the road and after that... I don't know what happened.

7:39 Speaker 2: Oh, my head feels like a ton of bricks. Where are we?

7:44 Speaker 1: I don't know.

7:45 Speaker 2: We should be at a hospital somewhere.

7:47 Speaker 5: I know.

7:48 Speaker 1: If this is a hospital, then we've been quarantined.

7:53 Speaker 2: This isn't right.

7:54 Speaker 4: Hello!

7:55 Speaker 2: Hey!

7:56 Speaker 1: I've tried that. There isn't anyone here.

7:59 Speaker 2: Come on, let's get out of here.

8:01 Speaker 1: I've tried that too.

8:02 Speaker 2: What do you mean?

8:03 Speaker 4: Tim.

8:04 Speaker 1: There isn't a door.

8:05 Speaker 2: Oh, there has to be a door. Otherwise, how did we get in?

8:09 Speaker 1: I'm telling you, there isn't a door. Or even a window. Baby, I'm scared.

8:17 Speaker 2: It's going to be okay.

8:19 Speaker 4: Hey!

8:20 Speaker 2: Is anyone there?

8:21 Speaker 1: Hello?

8:23 Speaker 5: Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Dalton.

8:26 Speaker 2: Finally. Where are we?

8:29 Speaker 5: You are my guest. I bid you a welcome.

8:33 Speaker 1: But who are you?

8:35 Speaker 5: You may call me the Guardian.

8:37 Speaker 2: Fine. How do we get out of here?

8:40 Speaker 5: That entirely depends on you.

8:43 Speaker 2: Just open the door.

8:44 Speaker 5: As you can see, there is no door or window. No, your freedom depends on what happens during the test.

8:59 Speaker 4: I have been subjected to tests during the course of my life. I don't recall ever being locked in a room with no visible exit for any sort of test, or being greeted by a disembodied voice over a small speaker. I shall return, however, with Act Two. Tim and Anna Dalton, after being in a car accident, find themselves in an empty room that has no doors or windows. They have been greeted by someone who calls himself the Guardian. Both are beginning to feel that creeping sense of fear.

10:00 Speaker 1: Tim, what are we going to do?

10:02 Speaker 2: The ceiling is at least ten feet high. Square room. No furniture, except that one table with a telephone. Hey, did you try the phone?

10:13 Speaker 1: While you were knocked out, nothing.

10:16 Speaker 2: Well, it's there for some reason.

10:18 Speaker 5: Tim!

10:19 Speaker 1: What are we going to do?

10:21 Speaker 2: I don't know. Look around. What do you want me to do? I'm sorry, hon. I just don't know.

10:31 Speaker 5: Mr. and Mrs. Dalton, you have been brought here for a test. A rather simple test. There really is only one rule.

10:39 Speaker 2: Just who the hell are you?

10:41 Speaker 5: The Guardian, Mr. Dalton. Now please listen carefully. I do not wish to repeat myself. The telephone has two buttons on it. One red, one green. When the red one lights up, you, Mr. Dalton, will answer it. The green one is for Mrs. Dalton. I will speak to whomever answers. But a conversation cannot be repeated to your respective spouse. Do you understand so far? Oh, God.

11:07 Speaker 1: What's happening?

11:09 Speaker 5: Do you understand?

11:11 Speaker 2: Yes. Red is for me. Green is for Anna. We can't tell each other what you tell us.

11:19 Speaker 5: Very good, Mr. Dalton. Now that you understand the rules, we will begin shortly. I must warn you both. If either one of you breaks the rule, this chamber will fill with cyanide gas. It's a rather ugly way to die.

11:36 Speaker 4: Wait.

11:37 Speaker 2: I don't know who you are. But I will damn sure find out. And when I find you, I'll kill you.

11:43 Speaker 4: Mr.

11:44 Speaker 5: Dalton, look around you. Consider your options, which are none.

11:50 Speaker 1: Could we please have some water?

11:59 Speaker 2: Look, Anna, up there.

12:02 Speaker 1: What is that?

12:04 Speaker 2: Looks like some sort of dumbwaiter dropping down from the ceiling. Maybe I could climb up there and get out that way.

12:11 Speaker 1: I don't think you could fit in that tiny hole.

12:14 Speaker 2: It's worth a try, isn't it?

12:17 Speaker 1: Look, there's some water.

12:19 Speaker 2: You're right. The size of that hole is no more than a small card table. No way I could fit through that.

12:27 Speaker 1: Here, drink some. It will help.

12:29 Speaker 2: Wait, how do you know it isn't poisoned?

12:31 Speaker 1: I think if this guy wanted to kill us, he could have done it a long time ago.

12:37 Speaker 2: I guess you're right. Red light. Guess I'd better answer that.

12:47 Speaker 2: Perkins Mortuary. You stab him, we slab him.

12:51 Speaker 5: Very amusing, Mr. Dalton.

12:54 Speaker 2: So what now?

12:55 Speaker 5: Listen very carefully. Your wife, the lovely Anna, is having an affair.

13:00 Speaker 2: What did you say?

13:01 Speaker 5: While you were busy at work, her supple, naked body was squirming all over another man.

13:07 Speaker 2: You liar!

13:09 Speaker 5: Specifically, your next-door neighbor. Uh, Mr. Harold Stanton? It's been going on for almost three months.

13:19 Speaker 1: Tim, what did he say?

13:22 Speaker 4: Nothing.

13:23 Speaker 2: He's a maniac.

13:26 Speaker 5: Green light.

13:27 Speaker 1: Guess it's my turn.

13:29 Speaker 2: No, I'll get it.

13:31 Speaker 5: Ow! Damn it!

13:33 Speaker 1: What happened?

13:34 Speaker 2: I grabbed the phone and it shocked me.

13:37 Speaker 5: Green is for Mrs. Dalton. I suggest that you remembered that.

13:42 Speaker 1: I'll talk to him.

13:44 Speaker 5: Mrs. Dalton, I suggest that you be a little more prompt when answering.

13:49 Speaker 1: Screw you!

13:50 Speaker 5: Now let's be a little nicer. Your husband has been having an affair with his secretary, Joanne Graham.

13:56 Speaker 1: You're a liar!

14:00 Speaker 5: Well?

14:01 Speaker 1: I don't believe it.

14:06 Speaker 4: Wow.

14:07 Speaker 2: Another red light. What now? Another lie?

14:14 Speaker 5: She has been draining the bank account. She is planning on leaving you. My sources inform me that she is already talking to lawyers.

14:25 Speaker 1: When the hell does this stop?

14:27 Speaker 2: Anna, if I ask you something....

14:32 Speaker 1: You maniac. Stop it. Just stop it.

14:36 Speaker 5: Mrs. Dalton, your husband has been looking for someone to kill you. What?

14:42 Speaker 1: What did you say?

14:43 Speaker 5: Your husband has been trying to put a contract out on your life.

14:50 Speaker 2: So what did he say?

14:51 Speaker 1: Anna? We aren't supposed to tell.

14:55 Speaker 2: The hell with him. What did he say?

14:57 Speaker 1: Like you said, he's a maniac.

15:00 Speaker 5: A liar.

15:14 Speaker 1: How long have we been here?

15:16 Speaker 2: I don't know. My watch is gone.

15:18 Speaker 1: I'm getting hungry.

15:19 Speaker 2: Try not to think about food.

15:21 Speaker 1: Tim, do you love me?

15:23 Speaker 2: What kind of a question is that?

15:26 Speaker 1: One that a wife asks of her husband. Do you love me?

15:30 Speaker 2: I don't think that this is the time to have that conversation.

15:33 Speaker 1: Why? Afraid our friend might hear us?

15:37 Speaker 2: Of course not.

15:38 Speaker 1: Then why don't you answer? Do you still love me?

15:45 Speaker 2: Anna, I don't know.

15:46 Speaker 1: What kind of answer is that?

15:49 Speaker 2: The only one I can come up with right now, okay?

15:52 Speaker 1: We're going to die in here.

15:55 Speaker 2: Now why do you say that?

15:57 Speaker 1: Look around, Tim. Do you really think that this guardian is really going to let us go?

16:06 Speaker 2: I don't know. Do you still love me?

16:13 Speaker 1: After 10 years of marriage, I thought that I did. I'm not sure either. Red light.

16:30 Speaker 2: Now what?

16:31 Speaker 5: Very shortly, Mr.

16:32 Speaker 4: Dalton.

16:32 Speaker 5: I will be sending the food down by the dumbwaiter. I suggest that you do not eat it. Prove your love to your wife by offering it all to her. Why? The food is poison. Her death will be swift and painless. You will be free to go.

16:51 Speaker 1: What did he say? I'll wait. You're not supposed to tell me. Green, I guess it's my turn.

17:05 Speaker 5: Mrs. Dalton, I will be sending down some food in a few minutes. Prove your love to your husband and offer it all to him. You see, the food is poisoned. His death will be swift and painless.

17:19 Speaker 1: I can't do that.

17:21 Speaker 5: But Mrs. Dalton, I told you he wants you dead. Kill him instead and I will let you go.

17:26 Speaker 1: You monster!

17:39 Speaker 4: Agnes McPhail once wrote, Do not rely completely on any other human being, no matter how dear. We meet all of life's greatest tests alone. Tim and Anna Dalton have been given a test, and both are thinking very hard about it. You think about coming back for Act 3 when I return shortly. Tim and Anna Dalton are trapped in a room with no visible means of escape. They are being held by someone called the Guardian, who has given each of them a rather unique choice of freedom.

18:37 Speaker 1: I thought... What?

18:40 Speaker 5: Nothing.

18:41 Speaker 1: Feels like it's been hours since he called.

18:44 Speaker 2: It's been a long time.

18:46 Speaker 1: I'm just so hungry.

18:48 Speaker 2: Me too. Try not to think about food.

18:51 Speaker 1: I can't think of anything else.

18:54 Speaker 2: You asked me a question earlier. I didn't have a very good answer.

18:59 Speaker 1: Neither of us did.

19:00 Speaker 2: I guess... I guess that after ten years, it seems that we grew apart. I don't know what happened to us. I do know. And I want to try and fix whatever needs to be fixed between us.

19:15 Speaker 1: You're right, Tim. I don't know what happened either. I do know that somewhere, deep down, possibly in both of us, we still love each other.

19:28 Speaker 2: And it only took a maniac to show us that. Finally. Wow, what a wonderful anniversary dinner.

19:53 Speaker 1: Couple of sandwiches, glass of water. Probably better than that meal in the restaurant. Tim, don't eat it.

20:04 Speaker 2: I was just about to tell you the same thing. I think I can guess what the Guardian told you. The food is poisoned. It's what he told me.

20:13 Speaker 1: Oh, Tim, what are we going to do?

20:17 Speaker 2: Oh, God. Gas. It's coming down from the ceiling.

20:21 Speaker 1: Tim, he's killing us.

20:24 Speaker 2: Anna, come here. Let me hold you. I love you.

20:28 Speaker 5: I love you, too. Yes. Please hold me.

20:34 Speaker 1: I'm so scared.

20:38 Speaker 2: Me, too, my love.

20:38 Speaker 1: Tim.

20:39 Speaker 2: I love you.

20:41 Speaker 1: Tim.

20:41 Speaker 5: Anna. Anna. Jim!

20:44 Speaker 1: Mr.

20:45 Speaker 3: Dalton, you're okay.

20:54 Speaker 2: Can you hear me?

20:56 Speaker 5: Mr.

20:56 Speaker 4: Dalton.

20:58 Speaker 2: Oh, my head. Where am I?

21:02 Speaker 3: You're at Mercy General.

21:03 Speaker 4: I'm Dr. Mattson.

21:05 Speaker 2: My wife?

21:06 Speaker 3: She's just down the hall. Do you remember what happened?

21:09 Speaker 2: How did we get here?

21:10 Speaker 3: Apparently, you wrecked your car. A passing motorist just happened to see the car in the ditch and called an ambulance.

21:17 Speaker 2: Where's the guardian?

21:18 Speaker 4: The guardian?

21:20 Speaker 3: If you mean the person who called the ambulance, I have no idea. You're going to have some bruises, but I think that you'll be okay.

21:27 Speaker 2: No, you don't understand.

21:30 Speaker 3: Just try to stay calm. I'll go and get your wife.

21:35 Speaker 5: Mr. Dalton?

21:36 Speaker 1: Yeah?

21:38 Speaker 5: I'm here with your discharge papers.

21:41 Speaker 2: Oh, God, it's you.

21:42 Speaker 5: I'm sorry?

21:43 Speaker 2: I recognize that voice. You're the guardian, you son of a.

21:46 Speaker 5: I'm Derek, the discharge nurse. I understand that you have had quite an experience.

21:52 Speaker 2: No, you are him.

21:53 Speaker 5: Are you okay, Mr.

21:54 Speaker 4: Dalton?

21:55 Speaker 5: I'm just here to give you the paper so you can go home. Should I call for the doctor?

21:59 Speaker 1: No.

22:01 Speaker 2: I'm okay. I could have sworn.

22:03 Speaker 5: At least you don't have to stay in the hospital. I hear the food isn't the best in the world. A step above....

22:11 Speaker 2: What did you say?

22:15 Speaker 5: Give my regards to Anna.

22:17 Speaker 4: Tim?

22:19 Speaker 5: Honey?

22:20 Speaker 1: Are you okay?

22:22 Speaker 2: What the hell's going on, Anna?

22:24 Speaker 1: I don't know.

22:25 Speaker 2: I think that the guardian was just in here.

22:28 Speaker 1: You mean that male nurse?

22:30 Speaker 2: Yes. I swear I recognized his voice. We need to talk to the police.

22:36 Speaker 1: And tell them what? We don't even know where we were.

22:40 Speaker 2: Perhaps we may never know.

22:42 Speaker 1: All that I do know is that I love you dearly. We have some things to talk about, but I'm willing if you are.

22:51 Speaker 2: Anna, I was trying to have you killed.

22:55 Speaker 1: I know, and you had good reasons. I've been having an affair, and it's over. Do you think that we can start over?

23:22 Speaker 4: The comedian Andy Kaufman once asked, What's real? What's not? That's what I do in my act. Test how other people deal with reality. For Tim and Anna, perhaps they have passed the test, be it real or imagined. You decide, and I'll return shortly with a final word. I have known couples who had been together for upwards of 60 years, a lifetime with the same person. I often wonder what sort of secrets that they had that they never disclosed to their partners. Ask yourself, what secrets do you harbor, and how does that affect your relationship?

24:28 Speaker 4: Our cast included Dave Arkapov, Annie Mick, Robert Jackson, Carter Sheriff, and William Stafford. The entire production was under the direction of Winslow Swan, and the story was edited by Crimson McKenzie. And now, a preview of our next tale.

24:51 Speaker 1: Are you insane?

24:53 Speaker 5: It's quite simple. You spin the cylinder. There is only one bullet. You then hand me the gun, and I shoot you. You have a five and six chance of surviving.

25:03 Speaker 4: This is a stupid dare.

25:05 Speaker 5: Either do it, or I put all six bullets in then. And then, you will have no chance at all.

25:13 Speaker 4: Doorway to Nightmare is brought to you in part by Swanage Press. This is your host inviting you to return with us through the doorway to nightmare for another adventure into the world of your terrifying imagination. Until next time, slumber peacefully. Epilogue. The butler did it.