The Obnoxious Client: A Sydney Chase Private Eye Audio Drama "Target"

0:00 Speaker 1: Hi, this is Winslow.

0:02 Speaker 2: This is Crimson.

0:03 Speaker 1: And if you like what we're doing, hit the like button.

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0:10 Speaker 1: And please share it to all your friends.

0:13 Speaker 2: Everybody, everybody.

0:20 Speaker 3: The Casebook of Sidney Chase. Produced and edited by Crimson McKenzie. Written and directed by Winslow Swan. Featuring Dave Arkapov, Will Dorman, Winslow Swan, and starring Crimson McKenzie as Sydney Chase. Tonight's episode, Target.

0:47 Speaker 1: Checkmate! Oh, you are getting better and better, Sydney. I didn't even see that move.

0:54 Speaker 2: Alex, are you sure you didn't just let me win? Sydney!

0:59 Speaker 1: I would never.

1:01 Speaker 2: Yes, you would. But I'm only kidding, Dr. McDougal.

1:06 Speaker 1: Oh, Sidney. Now, any new cases come up yet?

1:11 Speaker 2: I was able to find Mrs. McCann's cocker spaniel yesterday.

1:15 Speaker 4: Really?

1:15 Speaker 2: The poor thing had wandered off and was trapped in that auto salvage yard. You know, down the road. Oh, you should have seen the look on his face when I showed up.

1:27 Speaker 4: Oh.

1:28 Speaker 1: I'm sure he was quite happy.

1:29 Speaker 2: It's tough being a private detective, especially when no clients.

1:35 Speaker 1: Well, doesn't the advertising help?

1:38 Speaker 2: As you can hear, there isn't a lot of knocking on the door or ringing of phones.

1:44 Speaker 1: You've had a couple of high-profile cases.

1:47 Speaker 2: Yes, but mostly through Ferrari.

1:53 Speaker 1: Ah, there, you see? I'll bet that on the other end of that phone call is a case that requires your talent.

2:01 Speaker 2: Ugh, or a cat up a tree. Sidney Chase.

2:08 Speaker 4: Sidney, how are you?

2:10 Speaker 2: Speak of the devil. Well, hello, Tony. I'm doing well. How are you?

2:17 Speaker 4: Never better. How's your friend, um, Dr. McDougal?

2:22 Speaker 2: He's fine as well.

2:24 Speaker 4: So good to hear. Listen, Sydney, I was wondering... I knew it!

2:29 Speaker 2: I knew that this wasn't just a social phone call.

2:33 Speaker 4: I haven't even asked.

2:34 Speaker 2: You don't have to. I can hear it in your voice. What's going on now, Ferrari?

2:40 Speaker 4: Ferraro. Fer-ra-ro. How many times do I have to tell you that?

2:46 Speaker 2: That's what I said. Now, just tell me what you want.

2:51 Speaker 4: Okay, okay. How's your caseload right now?

2:55 Speaker 2: Oh, I'm just swamped. Why do you ask?

2:58 Speaker 4: I'm sending a client your way. His name is Harvey Steinberg. He's needing protection, or so he says.

3:07 Speaker 2: Bodyguard? I'm not exactly the best candidate. I mean, I can handle myself in any situation, but.

3:17 Speaker 4: Just listen, Sidney. The department is stretched to the limit right now. They keep cutting the budget, and I can't assign someone to take his so-called case.

3:26 Speaker 2: What about Frankfurter Dorfman?

3:30 Speaker 4: He's swamped, too, and it's Duffman.

3:33 Speaker 2: Whatever. So what is the case?

3:36 Speaker 4: Steinberg is convinced that someone's trying to kill him.

3:55 Speaker 5: Miss Sidney Chase?

3:56 Speaker 2: You must be Harvey Steinberg. Won't you come in?

4:00 Speaker 5: Thank you.

4:02 Speaker 2: This is Dr. Alex McDougal.

4:04 Speaker 1: McDougal, Sidney. It's very pleased to meet you.

4:09 Speaker 5: Can he be trusted?

4:10 Speaker 2: With my life.

4:12 Speaker 1: Would you like a drink?

4:14 Speaker 5: No, thank you.

4:15 Speaker 2: Okay, why don't you sit down and tell me what's going on?

4:19 Speaker 5: Someone is trying to kill me.

4:21 Speaker 2: That's what Tony said.

4:22 Speaker 4: Now.

4:24 Speaker 2: Can you be a little more specific?

4:26 Speaker 5: You never heard of me, Ms. Chase?

4:28 Speaker 2: Sorry, but no, I haven't.

4:31 Speaker 5: You don't listen to the local radio talk show in the mornings?

4:37 Speaker 2: My mornings usually start at noon.

4:39 Speaker 5: That's what I do. Morning Talk WXRB. I deal with a lot of political issues that affect our city.

4:46 Speaker 1: I ain't thought that I recognized the name. Oh, yes, a talk show that upsets a lot of people.

4:54 Speaker 5: I simply voice my own opinions.

4:57 Speaker 1: And don't give anyone else a chance to voice theirs.

5:01 Speaker 2: I take it, Alex, that you are not a fan.

5:04 Speaker 1: I think that Mr. Harvey Steinberg is boorish, overbearing, insensitive.

5:14 Speaker 2: Oh, but tell us how you really feel. I.

5:19 Speaker 1: Just don't care for his brand of opinion.

5:24 Speaker 5: Ah, but you do listen to the show.

5:27 Speaker 1: Well, I admit that I have heard of a show or two.

5:32 Speaker 5: That's all that counts.

5:34 Speaker 2: Okay, we're getting off the subject. Tell me why you think someone is trying to kill you.

5:39 Speaker 5: This, for one.

5:42 Speaker 2: Cut out letters from magazines? Ooh, you are dead. When did you get this?

5:51 Speaker 5: About three weeks ago.

5:54 Speaker 1: I'm sure that you get hundreds of letters that are threatening.

5:59 Speaker 5: You can't do a job like this and not expect a certain amount of hate mail. I can deal with hate mail. This is very specific.

6:09 Speaker 2: So, no return address, no stamp. How did you get it?

6:12 Speaker 5: I found it on my windshield when I left the station. You see why I'm a little nervous.

6:17 Speaker 2: Have you had any more... Threats?

6:20 Speaker 5: Not until a couple of days ago.

6:22 Speaker 1: What happened then?

6:23 Speaker 5: I finished the show and did some promotional tapes when I left the station.

6:27 Speaker 2: What time was that?

6:28 Speaker 5: Usually out the door around noon. I walked out to the car and spray painted on my door was the word die in red paint.

6:36 Speaker 1: Oh yes, that would be rather unnerving.

6:39 Speaker 5: To say the least. I contacted the police and.

6:43 Speaker 2: Let me guess. A simple case of vandalism and they... Really couldn't do anything about it.

6:50 Speaker 5: Exactly. So I talked to Lieutenant Anthony Ferraro about perhaps getting some police protection. He said he couldn't spare the manpower.

6:58 Speaker 1: Well, one note in a bad paint job doesn't necessarily mean that.

7:04 Speaker 5: I would agree, Dr. McDougal, until last night.

7:07 Speaker 2: What happened last night?

7:08 Speaker 5: Someone, I couldn't see who, threw a rock through my front window. There was a note tied to it. Here it is.

7:15 Speaker 2: You will be dead by Saturday. Did you let the police know about this? They took a report and- And that will be the last of that. So this Wednesday, which gives you three days, what would you like for me to do?

7:33 Speaker 5: I really don't know, Miss Chase. I'm scared, and I just don't know what to do.

7:48 Speaker 1: So, what's the plan, Sydney?

7:50 Speaker 2: I'm going over to talk to the station manager, Alice White. Why don't you come along? Well, well, well. If it isn't Detective Dorfman. Hiya, hot dog.

8:09 Speaker 6: Now I know what Lieutenant Ferraro is talking about.

8:13 Speaker 2: So what brings you around?

8:15 Speaker 6: Did you get a chance to meet with Mr. Steinberg?

8:17 Speaker 2: Information about my clients, any of my clients, is strictly confidential.

8:24 Speaker 6: I get it, Miss Chase.

8:25 Speaker 2: Be sure that you do.

8:26 Speaker 6: Even though I can't take the case, I did do a little checking. Thought that you might be interested.

8:31 Speaker 2: Oh, okay. Always interested in information?

8:35 Speaker 6: It seems that Harvey Steinberg had the same problem a few years ago. Threatening letters, a lot of phone calls, that sort of thing.

8:43 Speaker 2: I already figured that one out, hot dog.

8:46 Speaker 6: Just be careful with this one, Miss Chase. And if you need anything, don't hesitate to call me.

8:52 Speaker 2: Aw, Frank. You really do care. Thank you for seeing me, Miss White.

9:02 Speaker 7: Please, not so formal. Alice will be fine. What can I do for you?

9:06 Speaker 2: Well, you can start by telling me why you think that someone would want to kill... Harvey Steinberg.

9:13 Speaker 4: Not that.

9:14 Speaker 7: Miss Chase, he's an opinionated, misogynistic bastard. He also happens to have a highly rated radio show, which, as you know, translates to higher advertising dollars.

9:28 Speaker 2: So this is nothing new.

9:30 Speaker 7: He's gotten hate mail with death threats before, but they turned out to be cranks. People who just want to get attention.

9:39 Speaker 2: Did you know about the rock incident?

9:42 Speaker 7: Yes, and it's most troubling.

9:46 Speaker 1: Why is that?

9:47 Speaker 7: We keep our records of all employees very private. How someone found out where Henry lives is very disturbing.

9:56 Speaker 1: He could have been followed from the station.

9:58 Speaker 7: Gives me the chills. to think someone would do that.

10:02 Speaker 2: Let me ask you, Alice. Do you think that someone is trying to kill him?

10:09 Speaker 7: I don't know.

10:10 Speaker 1: How many letters usually come?

10:12 Speaker 7: Hundreds every week.

10:14 Speaker 2: I'd like to take a look at those.

10:21 Speaker 1: Well, here's one. Dear Mr. Steinberg, I think that you are dumb, your show is dumb, and you should be strung up by your toes.

10:31 Speaker 4: P.S.

10:32 Speaker 1: Do you know of a cure for dandruff?

10:37 Speaker 2: I think you can put that one in the crank pile.

10:40 Speaker 1: Well, have you come up with any possible suspects?

10:42 Speaker 5: Oh, here's one.

10:43 Speaker 4: Dear Mr.

10:43 Speaker 2: Steinberg, You should be impaled on a wooden stake in the middle of town. Your lips should be sewn together so that you never utter a single word again.

10:58 Speaker 1: Charming.

11:00 Speaker 2: Oh, Alex, we're not getting anywhere this way. I mean, look at all this mail. There must be over a thousand.

11:07 Speaker 1: And all of them much in the same vein.

11:10 Speaker 2: It seems like everybody wants Harvey Steinberg dead.

11:29 Speaker 6: Across the planet, this is your number one radio station.

11:38 Speaker 5: And we are back on WXRB Morning Rant. And I'd like to welcome Miss Sydney Chase to the studios. She is an actual private investigator who's been working on a little problem for me. And she is in the tech booth keeping a very careful eye on me. I would also like to thank whoever sent the bouquet of balloons today. They're sitting right here, and they give, oh, I don't know, a touch of class to the studio. Now, let's get back to Proposition 10, which I believe is the absolute dumbest waste of taxpayer money in the history of.

12:15 Speaker 4: Help!

12:18 Speaker 2: Help me!

12:19 Speaker 5: I can't breathe!

12:23 Speaker 4: Help!

12:26 Speaker 2: Any word from the doctor, Alex?

12:28 Speaker 1: Yes, it's very strange. According to the lab work, Mr. Steinberg is suffering from an unknown airborne illness.

12:39 Speaker 2: That is strange. It has to be the balloons. They had to be filled with something.

12:46 Speaker 4: All of the balloons.

12:48 Speaker 6: Hi, Miss Chase.

12:49 Speaker 2: Why, Tony. Fancy meeting you here. And I see you brought along hot dogs. What brings you guys around to the ER? On your way to the morgue to see if your latest victim murdered himself?

13:02 Speaker 4: Very funny, Chase. I'm here to talk to Mr. Steinberg.

13:06 Speaker 2: Amazing how the police decide to finally get involved when someone is actually killed.

13:11 Speaker 4: He's dead?

13:13 Speaker 6: Maybe I should have.

13:14 Speaker 1: Oh, no, just under observation at the moment. The doctor wants to keep an eye on him.

13:20 Speaker 2: What did the lab find out, Tony?

13:22 Speaker 4: A small timer was found that was supposed to burst all of them. So far, no known substance has been found. We will take it from here, Sidney.

13:32 Speaker 2: Why don't we let Mr. Steinberg decide that? You dismissed him so quickly, he might want more personal protection.

13:40 Speaker 4: Way ahead of you, Chase. I've already assigned Detective Duffman to him. Your services will not be necessary.

13:48 Speaker 2: You can't do that!

13:50 Speaker 4: It's already done. Go home, make out your bill, find another lost dart.

13:56 Speaker 6: Don't worry. I'll keep you posted.

13:58 Speaker 4: Like hell you will.

13:59 Speaker 2: Listen, Ferrari. Someone tried to kill my client. My client. And while I was there. I take that very personal.

14:08 Speaker 4: Just stay out of the way, Sidney. I'll let you know if we need you.

14:13 Speaker 2: Do me a favor, Tony.

14:15 Speaker 4: What's that?

14:16 Speaker 2: Don't do me any favors. And that goes for you too, hot dog.

14:24 Speaker 1: What are you so intently studying, Sydney?

14:28 Speaker 2: The book.

14:29 Speaker 1: Well, I can see it's a book.

14:32 Speaker 2: No, not like a regular book. This is the ratings book for all the stations in the area. Same sort of thing they used to use for TV shows.

14:40 Speaker 1: Well, so what's so interesting about the station ratings?

14:43 Speaker 2: Just curious. It seems that our client was at the bottom of the list for his time slot. That is, until he started getting death threats.

14:54 Speaker 1: Oh, what happened then?

14:55 Speaker 2: Oh, his ratings went through the roof.

14:58 Speaker 1: And that is significant how?

15:00 Speaker 2: It means that the station can start charging more for advertising on his show. You know what I always say, Alex. Follow the money. Miss White. Thank you for seeing me again.

15:18 Speaker 7: It's my pleasure. What can I do for you today?

15:20 Speaker 2: I noticed that Harvey Steinberg wasn't doing too well in the ratings.

15:26 Speaker 7: That's true. But he was able to bring the numbers up.

15:30 Speaker 2: Which meant more money for the station.

15:34 Speaker 7: I have to admit that sales have picked up.

15:37 Speaker 2: Quite a bit in the last month. Do you usually change programming when something isn't doing so well? Well.

15:46 Speaker 7: Normally, that would have happened. As a matter of fact, Harvey and I talked about that very thing the day before he found that letter on his windshield.

15:56 Speaker 2: That is very interesting. Were you guys going to fire him?

16:02 Speaker 4: Oh, no.

16:03 Speaker 7: Harvey has been here for several years. First as an overnight disc jockey. Then he moved to mid-days.

16:11 Speaker 2: How did he begin as a talk show host?

16:13 Speaker 7: He broadcast his opinion one day and the phones lit up. I saw an opportunity and jumped at it.

16:22 Speaker 2: And the morning rant was born.

16:25 Speaker 7: Yes, and it's been steadily losing its audience, which is why I talked to Harvey about making a change.

16:42 Speaker 5: Miss Chase, Dr. McDougal, please come in.

16:45 Speaker 1: Are the nurses treating you all right?

16:48 Speaker 5: Very nicely. Hospital's been great.

16:50 Speaker 2: What about your show?

16:52 Speaker 5: Alice has been wonderful. They just ran a previous show today.

16:57 Speaker 2: And tomorrow is Saturday?

16:59 Speaker 5: That's why I called you. I know that the police have someone stationed outside, but I would really like if you would still handle the case.

17:06 Speaker 2: I don't think that you need any protection. Sidney!

17:11 Speaker 1: What are you saying?

17:12 Speaker 5: Someone is trying to kill me.

17:14 Speaker 2: The one thing, and thankfully it really helps, is that people don't ever remember not to leave a paper trail.

17:24 Speaker 5: What are you talking about?

17:27 Speaker 4: You!

17:29 Speaker 2: You have been sending yourself those notes and letters, and it was you who had the balloons delivered.

17:34 Speaker 5: You are out of your mind!

17:37 Speaker 2: Oh, you were very careful up to a point. You created that balloon bomb, but then you hired someone to deliver it.

17:47 Speaker 5: I did no such thing.

17:49 Speaker 2: Your credit card statement doesn't lie. A1 Delivery picked up the package at your apartment and had instructions to deliver it to the station at exactly 10 in the morning. I talked to the driver and, well, he remembered you.

18:07 Speaker 5: And why would I do such a thing?

18:09 Speaker 2: Ratings, Harvey, ratings! You were going to be cancelled, killed, yeah, off the show, possibly moved to a late night time slot. You needed an audience. What better way to get listeners and free publicity and a bonus than if it sounded like someone was trying to kill you?

18:32 Speaker 3: It's true.

18:33 Speaker 5: I couldn't go back to being an average disc jockey. I made the station. Do you understand?

18:41 Speaker 1: So he basically made the whole thing up.

18:46 Speaker 2: You got it. Ferraro, any word from the DA?

18:50 Speaker 4: He doesn't want to bring charges. He thinks it would simply be more publicity than is warranted.

18:56 Speaker 2: Don't blame him.

18:58 Speaker 1: What did Alice White have to say when you told her?

19:01 Speaker 2: Didn't you listen this morning?

19:03 Speaker 1: Not exactly my go-to station on the dial.

19:10 Speaker 2: I figured. Commercial-free music for two hours straight. Harvey isn't even allowed to set foot in the station.

19:18 Speaker 4: Serves him right. So, I guess you lost your fee.

19:22 Speaker 2: Oh, already taken care of by Miss White. She even threw in a bonus for me.

19:28 Speaker 4: Why am I not surprised?

19:32 Speaker 3: You've been listening to The Casebook of Sidney Chase. Tonight's episode, Target, featured Dave Arkapov as Lieutenant Ferraro, Will Dorman as Frank, Winslow Swan as Alex, Mick Davis as Harvey, Annie Mick as This is your announcer, Mick Davis, reminding you to join us for another adventure from the Casebook of Sidney Chase.