Anton Chekhov Adaptation: "Special Blend" | Mystery Horror Thriller

0:00 Speaker 1: Doorway to Nightmare is brought to you in part by Swanage Press. It lies in wait amidst your dreams, where nothing is ever how it seems. It is a portal to a terrifying world beyond the doorway. Nightmare. Come in. Welcome. I'm Artemis Black. As a former smoker, I find myself on occasion missing the aroma and the taste of of tobacco. Now, in no way do I advocate the use of the product, and would hope that if you are a smoker, you would quit the habit, for you may find yourself in a rather unhealthy predicament.

1:16 Speaker 2: And why did you ever marry her?

1:20 Speaker 3: I've asked myself that very question several hundred times. Thirty-three years we have been together. And for the life of me, I cannot figure out why.

1:33 Speaker 2: And she wants you to close the smoke shop.

1:36 Speaker 3: The one thing that actually brings a little joy into my life, and she wants me to shut it down.

1:43 Speaker 2: Then that leaves only one question, George. How are you, um, planning on, uh, doing her in?

1:59 Speaker 1: Our mystery drama, Special Blend, was suggested from a story by Anton Chekhov and written especially for Doorway to Nightmare by Winslow Swan and edited by Crimson McKenzie. Our cast includes Dave Arkapov, Mark Wheeler, and Annie Mick. I'll return shortly with Act One.

2:21 Speaker 4: Mystery.

2:22 Speaker 5: Horror. Thriller. Suspense. Novels and short story collections from Winslow Swann, now available from Amazon.

2:31 Speaker 1: Humorist Mark Twain once said, Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.

2:55 Speaker 4: I know.

2:56 Speaker 1: I've done it a thousand times. For some people, the long and arduous journey of quitting the habit is rather easy. For others, it is a constant battle.

3:25 Speaker 3: Only six more. Six more tubes of tobacco from this very last pack. I promised myself I would quit after this last one, and I will. Would you like to try one? I don't mind giving up one to a customer. Here, help yourself. A wonderful blend of tobacco, wouldn't you say?

3:53 Speaker 1: Of course.

3:55 Speaker 3: If you asked my customers, they would tell you that all of my blends are wonderful.

4:01 Speaker 1: What?

4:02 Speaker 3: Oh, yes, I do grow my own tobacco right out there in the back of the shop on about three acres of land. You see, the secret is in the soil. And I had such a bumper crop. Although this is the last pack from that particular yield, I doubt... There will be another crop such as this one that produced this fine tobacco. What? Will I close the shop? Heavens no!

4:37 Speaker 3: Although there was a time when my wife wanted me to close it up.

4:53 Speaker 4: George, will you put that silly newspaper down?

4:56 Speaker 3: I'm sorry. Did you say something, Sheila?

5:00 Speaker 4: I said to put that newspaper down. We have much to discuss.

5:05 Speaker 1: Yes, dear.

5:08 Speaker 4: First, did you finish the list of chores that I left this morning?

5:13 Speaker 3: Almost all of them, dear.

5:15 Speaker 4: What do you mean, almost?

5:18 Speaker 3: Well, there was the bank meeting this morning and.

5:21 Speaker 4: What did you not do that was on the list?

5:25 Speaker 3: Oh, just the laundry, dear. It's actually in the dryer now.

5:29 Speaker 4: I don't want excuses, George. I want results. You should have had plenty of time to finish everything.

5:38 Speaker 3: Yes, dear. I'm sorry. I shall do better next time.

5:42 Speaker 4: You're just a silly little scarecrow. What will I do with you?

5:54 Speaker 3: And that was the name that she gave me, Scarecrow. And quite early on in our marriage, 33 years ago, we have four daughters ranging in age from 18 to 30. And no, none of them married. Sheila wouldn't hear of it.

6:16 Speaker 4: Make me somebody's grandmother over my dead body.

6:27 Speaker 2: George, I've known you for over 20 years. How can you let her talk to you that way? And here, use the ashtray, please.

6:39 Speaker 1: Oh, yes.

6:40 Speaker 3: Sorry, Alfred.

6:45 Speaker 2: You never should have started, George. Nasty habit.

6:50 Speaker 3: Then why do you smoke?

6:53 Speaker 2: Keeps the smell of formaldehyde out of my nose. Embalming the customers can be quite.

7:00 Speaker 1: Smelly.

7:02 Speaker 2: And it calms me.

7:04 Speaker 3: Same here.

7:06 Speaker 2: I think that you should start a business, George. Do something other than be with her.

7:13 Speaker 3: Oh, Alfred, I have. I'm opening up a smoke shop.

7:19 Speaker 2: A what? Are you serious, George? And Sheila's allowing you to do it?

7:27 Speaker 3: You see, she's actually funding the whole thing. You know that little place a block from your funeral home over on Main Street?

7:36 Speaker 1: Ah, yes.

7:37 Speaker 2: Used to be a shoe repair place. Or a locksmith. I can't remember.

7:43 Speaker 3: Well, there's three acres of fertile land behind it, and I'm going to grow my own tobacco.

7:50 Speaker 2: And the city council approved this.

7:57 Speaker 3: Undertaking I do enjoy your morbid humor yes they did although I think Sheila had something to do with pushing it.

8:07 Speaker 2: Through perhaps she simply wants you out of her way well.

8:13 Speaker 3: If this is her way of getting me out of the house I'm all for it and she could very well afford it When I met her, she already owned the boarding house her parents had left her. And from that, she built up three motels and the dance studio and the theater group. She was worth millions. And me, well, I don't have a penny to my name.

8:46 Speaker 4: Now look, George, I'm willing to bankroll this little enterprise, but I will not have you coming home smelling up the place.

8:57 Speaker 3: Yes, dear.

8:58 Speaker 4: You know how I detest you, Smokey. And owning a smoke shop, well, I just don't see it.

9:06 Speaker 3: I'm sure that you will be proud of me, dear.

9:09 Speaker 4: Proud? Of a little scarecrow like you? But at least it will give you something to do, since you can't do anything I ask of you.

9:20 Speaker 3: You'll see, dear. I'll have the best smoke shop in the state.

9:25 Speaker 4: Just remember, George, I will shut you down at any time. Do you understand me?

9:36 Speaker 1: Albert Einstein once remarked, I believe that pipe smoking contributes to a somewhat calm and objective judgment in all human affairs. I don't believe that Mr. Einstein ever met someone like Sheila. I'll return shortly with Act Two.

9:59 Speaker 5: Have you heard any good books lately? Audiobooks from Winslow Swan, now available on Spotify.

10:25 Speaker 1: It has now been a few years since George opened his smoke shop. For the most part, it has been a success, much to the chagrin of his wife, Sheila.

10:48 Speaker 3: Oh, only three more to go. Then I shall no longer need them. Oh, yes, I'm truly adamant on the subject of quitting. However, back to my story. Back to my darling, loving wife, Sheila.

11:08 Speaker 1: Sheila.

11:17 Speaker 4: And I will not discuss it any further. Do you understand me, George?

11:22 Speaker 3: But you were the one who said to start it up. Yes, George.

11:26 Speaker 4: Because I thought for once in your miserable life, you would actually succeed at something. How wrong I was. And now it's over.

11:37 Speaker 3: Please, Sheila. Just a little more time. The next crop is due for harvesting and.

11:43 Speaker 4: No more time, George. No more crops, no more smelly tobacco, and no more smoke shop.

11:54 Speaker 2: You could always come and work with me.

11:57 Speaker 1: With you?

11:58 Speaker 3: In the funeral home? No, thank you. I don't see how you handle doing it anyway. All of those dead bodies....

12:09 Speaker 2: It's a lucrative business. And I never run out of customers. Here, let me have one of those cigars.

12:22 Speaker 3: Ah, Alfred, what am I going to do? The shop is the only thing I have left going for me.

12:30 Speaker 2: A very fine cigar. Why did you even marry her?

12:35 Speaker 3: I've asked myself that very question since the day I said... I do.

12:41 Speaker 2: Haven't come up with an answer, eh? You know, George, this really is a very fine cigar.

12:50 Speaker 3: It's from the last crop I had.

12:52 Speaker 2: Whatever you're doing to blend the tobacco, never stop. Matter of fact, I'll buy the whole lot of this one if you have any left.

12:59 Speaker 3: That's wonderful, Alfred. The whole lot? I'll give you a special price.

13:06 Speaker 1: Nope.

13:06 Speaker 2: Whatever you would usually charge.

13:08 Speaker 3: But, Alfred, I can't take.

13:11 Speaker 2: Yes, you can, and you will. Besides, people who smoke help my business as well.

13:25 Speaker 4: He must be some sort of nut. The entire stock?

13:30 Speaker 3: Yes, every last cigar from that batch. So you see, dear, there's no reason to close the shop now.

13:39 Speaker 4: I may have underestimated.

13:41 Speaker 1: You, George.

13:42 Speaker 4: However, my mind is made up. This will be your final sale, George.

13:50 Speaker 1: No, Sheila, it won't.

13:52 Speaker 4: Listen here, you little scarecrow. I've just about had enough.

13:58 Speaker 3: Stop calling me that. I'm not a scarecrow. I'm a man. Do you hear me? A man.

14:03 Speaker 4: You were a man, George, when we first married.

14:08 Speaker 2: Now.

14:09 Speaker 4: Just a scarecrow. A dim-witted, insignificant little scarecrow.

14:16 Speaker 3: I have absolutely had it.

14:19 Speaker 4: George, what are you doing? Stop it.

14:23 Speaker 3: Are these the hands of a scarecrow, Sheila? Can you feel them tightening around your throat?

14:29 Speaker 1: George, please.

14:32 Speaker 4: Don't do it.

14:33 Speaker 6: Please.

14:34 Speaker 3: Am I a scarecrow now, Sheila? Well, am I?

14:47 Speaker 1: Comedian Emo Phillips once said, probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they are the devil. I'll return in just a moment with our final act.

15:06 Speaker 5: If you'd like to support us, visit our merchandise store T-shirts, caps, mugs, and so much more. Visit doorwaytonightmare.com today.

15:18 Speaker 1: Sigmund Freud once said, Smoking is indispensable... If one has nothing to kiss.

15:48 Speaker 3: Two to go. Then I'm through with them. I won't need them anymore. Hell of a crop, too. I couldn't believe how much there was. Well, you see, the secret is in the soil. But I digress.

16:11 Speaker 2: I'm actually proud of you, George.

16:13 Speaker 3: It was like I wasn't me. One minute she was yelling and screaming at me, calling me a scarecrow, and the next she was on the floor, dead.

16:25 Speaker 2: I am glad that you called me and not the police.

16:30 Speaker 3: Why would I have called them?

16:32 Speaker 2: Well, you did just murder your wife, right?

16:36 Speaker 3: Well, I suppose I did.

16:39 Speaker 2: And most people in your position would have called the authorities. Made a complete confession, correct?

16:47 Speaker 3: Do you think that is what I should do?

16:53 Speaker 2: Heavens no. As I see it, this is simply a case of self-defense.

17:03 Speaker 3: But she wasn't attacking me or anything physical.

17:07 Speaker 2: Shh, hush.

17:08 Speaker 1: Hush, hush up.

17:11 Speaker 2: Let's reason this out, George. She actually has been attacking you for many years. There may not be any visible signs of abuse, but the damage to your mental well-being is unmistakable.

17:28 Speaker 3: So you think I did the right thing?

17:30 Speaker 2: In killing her? Probably not. But calling me your best friend? I would say it was the best course of action.

17:39 Speaker 3: So what are we going to do?

17:40 Speaker 2: Oh, let me ponder on that for a bit, George. I believe that a solution to our problem will. Present itself.

17:58 Speaker 3: And it did. It was so simple. Afterward, there were days I could still hear her voice.

18:06 Speaker 4: Why didn't you do up the dishes, George?

18:09 Speaker 3: That screeching, nagging voice.

18:13 Speaker 4: You still haven't painted the upstairs bedroom.

18:17 Speaker 3: Did you forget? Again? Always yelling at me. Always berating me.

18:23 Speaker 6: Such a silly little man. No, a silly little scarecrow. Ha ha, that is what I married. That is what I had four useless daughters with. A silly, absent-minded, useless scarecrow.

18:42 Speaker 1: Enough!

18:45 Speaker 3: Enough. I've had enough. You see, the very last cigarette.

19:09 Speaker 3: And it is so, so good. The aroma, the taste, everything about it is so delicious. And what a bumper crop of tobacco this little thing came from.

19:24 Speaker 2: Oh, let me ponder on that for a bit, George. I believe that a solution to our problem will. Present itself.

19:34 Speaker 3: Yes, Alfred. You gave me the solution. You even helped me... bury her in the soil. You see, the secret is in the soil. In the fertilizer. And Sheila, she made very good fertilizer. And this cigarette, the last one that I am now crushing into the ashtray, it was the last of Sheila. I'm free! I'm finally free!

20:17 Speaker 1: As George disposes of the cigarette, he takes a deep breath and continues to laugh. I'll be back in just a moment with a final word. Mystery. Horror.

20:31 Speaker 3: Thriller.

20:33 Speaker 1: Suspense.

20:35 Speaker 5: Novels and short story collections from Winslow Swant Now available from Amazon.

20:56 Speaker 1: What happened to George? Well, all of his daughters met fine, upstanding young men, and he is now the grandfather of eight. And the smoke shop? Oh, it's still there. I direct my friends, who still smoke, to the place and to tell George to give them the special blend of tobacco.

21:23 Speaker 1: Our cast included Dave Arkabov, Annie Mick, and Mark Wheeler. The story was edited by Crimson McKenzie and directed by Winslow Swan. And now, a preview of our next tale.

21:40 Speaker 3: I've shot every animal on the planet.

21:42 Speaker 1: Now... Now I'm bored.

21:45 Speaker 3: I want some excitement.

21:50 Speaker 5: So you want to go after a T-Rex. Do you think you could handle such a task?

21:57 Speaker 7: I've been to the deepest part of Africa. I have bagged the most terrifying animals.

22:01 Speaker 1: A T-Rex?

22:02 Speaker 7: The largest monster on Earth? If you think I'm afraid of such a creature, don't worry. I am not afraid.

22:10 Speaker 1: Aren't you? This is your host, Artemis Black, inviting you to return with us to the doorway to nightmare for yet another adventure into the terrifying world of your imagination. Until next time, slumber.

22:35 Speaker 4: Peacefully.

22:36 Speaker 1: Epilogue. That butler did it.