A Deadly Interview | The Horror Author's Sinister Mansion "Interview With The Author"

0:05 Speaker 1: It lies in wait amidst your dreams, where nothing is ever how it seems. It is a portal to a terrifying world beyond the doorway to nightmare. Nightmare. Come in. Welcome. I'm your host, Artemis Black. Ernest Hemingway once said that there was nothing to writing. All you have to do is sit in a typewriter and bleed.

0:57 Speaker 2: So, tell us, when did you become interested in writing horror fiction?

1:03 Speaker 3: I suppose it began when I killed my first victim.

1:07 Speaker 2: I beg your pardon, did you just say killed?

1:12 Speaker 3: Yes. I wrapped an electrical wire around her head, put her dainty little toes into a nice warm bucket of water, and then I.

1:24 Speaker 4: Pulled the switch. Oh, she fried.

1:35 Speaker 1: Our mystery drama, Interview with the Author, was written especially for Doorway to Nightmare by Winslow Swan and edited by Crimson McKenzie. Our stars include Darren Marler, Annie Mick, Crimson McKenzie, and Winslow Swan. I'll return shortly with Act One. The most interesting people you will ever have the good fortune of meeting is someone who makes a living writing. It is the making a living part that is difficult. While their stories may be great, they have not been discovered. In the words of English author Neil Gaiman, Being a writer is a very peculiar sort of job.

2:34 Speaker 1: It is always you versus a blank sheet of paper or blank screen, and quite often, the paper wins.

2:45 Speaker 2: I'm telling you, Mrs. Carter, it was the weirdest interview I've ever done. No, no, I got it. I'm editing the whole thing now for tomorrow's show. Yes, I know it's after hours, but... Look, you have no idea what I just went through. I'm lucky I made it back here alive.

3:09 Speaker 5: Ever hear of William Noah?

3:12 Speaker 2: The horror writer? Yeah, I've read a couple of his stories.

3:16 Speaker 1: Why?

3:16 Speaker 5: Because he wants to set up an interview with you.

3:20 Speaker 1: Me?

3:21 Speaker 2: Seriously? Me? Little old Carl Phillips? Why me, Elizabeth?

3:27 Speaker 5: Maybe it's because you have the number one show of all time?

3:31 Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, yeah. That's gotta be it, right. Yeah, we do this little podcast that happens to air on 88 radio stations. Big deal.

3:41 Speaker 5: It is a big deal. William Noah has never, never granted an interview to anyone.

3:50 Speaker 2: Okay, but why now? And why me?

3:56 Speaker 5: I have no idea. And I really don't care. All that I do know is that it would mean a huge scoop for us and.

4:07 Speaker 2: And I'm sure getting a little more advertising money doesn't hurt either.

4:09 Speaker 1: Am I right, Mrs. Carter?

4:11 Speaker 5: Yes, that did cross my mind. However, there are a few stipulations before he will grant this interview.

4:21 Speaker 2: Stipulations? So I can't just go set up my mic and camera and start talking to the guy?

4:28 Speaker 4: Oh, yes.

4:29 Speaker 5: You get to do that all alone. He only wants you there. No cameraman, no producer, nobody.

4:40 Speaker 2: Oh, well, that's no big deal.

4:42 Speaker 5: It also must be tonight at his home promptly at 11 o'clock.

4:48 Speaker 2: Whoa, hey, wait a minute here. I had tickets to the game tonight. I'm not going to promise that I can be there at 11. His so-called home, it's that monstrosity out on Highway 92. A two-hour drive at least. Boo-hoo.

5:03 Speaker 5: It's either do it then or not at all.

5:07 Speaker 2: Well, I vote not at all.

5:08 Speaker 5: As your employer, Mr. Carl Phillips, I'm ordering you to do that interview.

5:18 Speaker 3: Ordering?

5:19 Speaker 1: Really?

5:20 Speaker 2: Okay, okay.

5:22 Speaker 5: I'm begging you to go out there. William Noah has had over 70 horror novels published. 40 of them turned into movies. Yet he has never been seen or heard from. Why?

5:37 Speaker 2: I would kind of like to know that as well. A lot of stories on the internet about him. But how many of them are true?

5:46 Speaker 5: Well, here's your chance to find out.

6:00 Speaker 6: When you said this guy had stories about him on the internet, you weren't kidding.

6:04 Speaker 2: Why? What'd you find out, Lee? Too much.

6:07 Speaker 6: I'm still sifting through the fan-made crap.

6:09 Speaker 2: Come on, Lee. I'm counting on you. I'm already heading to his creepy old mansion now. I'll be there in a few minutes.

6:15 Speaker 1: Come on.

6:16 Speaker 2: I need some interview fodder.

6:17 Speaker 1: You know, I'm.

6:17 Speaker 6: Not going to be there. He bought that place only three months ago. Paid cash.

6:23 Speaker 2: Yeah, according to that reliable source known as the internet.

6:26 Speaker 6: No, I checked it out. I contacted the real estate agent directly. She told me that the only thing he wanted to know was if the place was ready to fall apart.

6:37 Speaker 2: That's weird. I know.

6:40 Speaker 6: She even asked him why he wanted to know. He said because he might want to turn it into a bed and breakfast.

6:47 Speaker 2: And she bought that?

6:49 Speaker 1: Nope.

6:51 Speaker 6: But a cash sale will make a person not care why.

6:54 Speaker 2: I get that. Is there anything else?

6:58 Speaker 6: Yeah, kind of.

7:01 Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, kind of what?

7:03 Speaker 6: There has been some buzz that William Noah didn't write those books.

7:08 Speaker 2: Oh, really? Ah, continue on. Tell me more.

7:12 Speaker 6: Now, I can't substantiate this. Word is, he only found some old writings and just republished.

7:22 Speaker 2: Old writings. From where, does it say?

7:26 Speaker 3: All over.

7:28 Speaker 6: Some going back to the 14th century.

7:31 Speaker 2: You're right. That is weird. Very weird. This is going to be an interesting evening. What a creepy looking place. Man, it's like something out of one of his horror novels. An actual haunted mansion. The electric bill must be enormous. Okay, Carl, you're a professional. Just ring the doorbell and. What the hell is that?

8:27 Speaker 3: Well, you must be Carl Phillips, the radio interviewer that I enjoy so much.

8:32 Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're Mr.

8:34 Speaker 2: Noah, I assume?

8:35 Speaker 3: Please call me William. I trust that you have all of your equipment?

8:40 Speaker 2: Yes, sir, right here. We can set it up anywhere. But would you mind, I mean... I thought that I just heard a.

8:49 Speaker 3: Oh, yeah. One of my little toys. See? I press the doorbell and.

8:59 Speaker 1: Oh.

9:02 Speaker 2: Only a doorbell.

9:02 Speaker 1: All right.

9:03 Speaker 2: Well, that's kind of creepy.

9:06 Speaker 3: I enjoy the more scary part of life.

9:14 Speaker 1: Now, please.

9:16 Speaker 3: Follow me.

9:25 Speaker 2: You have quite an interesting home.

9:28 Speaker 3: Yes, I have tried to give it that unlived-in look.

9:36 Speaker 2: Do you do a lot of big game hunting?

9:40 Speaker 4: Oh, oh, the animal heads mounted on the walls.

9:44 Speaker 3: Do you like them?

9:45 Speaker 2: No, I was never really much into hunting. Oh, oh, oh, is that... Oh my, oh my God. A human head? A man's head?

9:55 Speaker 3: Yes, the most dangerous animal of all.

9:59 Speaker 4: I wish I could say that I bagged that.

10:02 Speaker 3: One in the wild. Actually, it used to.

10:05 Speaker 1: Be my agent.

10:08 Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not serious, right?

10:10 Speaker 3: Oh, of course not, silly little man. No, that is the head of my agent, Stan Reiner. Only a latex cast of him. He did that for me as a birthday present. I always said that I wanted his head on a platter.

10:31 Speaker 2: You have a rather morbid sense of humor, Mr. Noah.

10:35 Speaker 4: Mr. Carl Phillips, you have no idea.

10:51 Speaker 1: Tony Morrison once said, The ability of writers to imagine what is not the self, to familiarize the strange and mystify the familiar, is the test of their power. I'll be back shortly with Act 2. Edgar Allan Poe once said, They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream by night.

11:35 Speaker 3: Would you like something to drink?

11:37 Speaker 2: Sure, a spot of cyanide will do me fine.

11:39 Speaker 3: Oh, very good, Mr. Phillips. How about something a little less lethal?

11:49 Speaker 2: Um, anything will do.

11:50 Speaker 3: Let me see. I believe I have a bottle of Burgundy somewhere. Ah, yes.

12:00 Speaker 4: Here it is.

12:09 Speaker 2: Thank you. Appreciate it. Well, as soon as you're ready.

12:13 Speaker 4: Oh, whenever you are ready.

12:16 Speaker 2: All right. Well, let me do a countdown here and then go into my intro. Interview with William Noah for program number 8413 in 3, 2, 1. This is Carl Phillips coming to you exclusively from the living room.

12:35 Speaker 3: I prefer the term dying room.

12:39 Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, of course.

12:42 Speaker 2: Coming to you from the dying room of horror author William Noah.

12:46 Speaker 3: Why, thank you, Mr.

12:47 Speaker 1: Phillips.

12:48 Speaker 3: It is an honor to be on your show.

12:51 Speaker 2: I suppose my first question would have to be, why an interview now?

12:56 Speaker 3: Simply because of my wife.

12:59 Speaker 1: Your wife?

13:00 Speaker 2: Huh, I did not find anything about you being married.

13:04 Speaker 3: Oh, yes, the internet.

13:06 Speaker 1: So much.

13:07 Speaker 3: useful information. My wife told me, told me that it was about time. And I suppose that she is correct. I have been doing this for a number of years.

13:22 Speaker 2: Over 70 novels so far.

13:25 Speaker 1: Impressive.

13:26 Speaker 2: When was the first time you became interested in horror, Mr.

13:28 Speaker 1: Noah?

13:29 Speaker 2: Oh, excuse me, I mean, William.

13:31 Speaker 3: Oh, I suppose that would have been the first movie that I saw at the tender age of four.

13:40 Speaker 2: Your parents allowed you to see a horror movie at the age of four?

13:44 Speaker 3: Well, to be honest, I was supposed to be asleep in the back seat.

13:49 Speaker 2: Uh, I'm not sure I understand. The back seat of what?

13:54 Speaker 3: I suppose I had better explain. You see, back then, there were drive-in theaters. You could literally sit inside your car and watch a movie on a Very large screen. Think of it as a parking lot with a movie.

14:12 Speaker 2: I get it. So you wound up seeing this movie?

14:16 Speaker 3: Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice, starring Geraldine Page and Ruth Gordon.

14:23 Speaker 2: I'm not familiar with that one.

14:25 Speaker 3: Yes, and it's no wonder. Friday the 13th, Part 34 hasn't been released yet. Or another reboot of Halloween. Or perhaps another Amityville or Exorcist. It is quite unfortunate that there is no longer originality.

14:45 Speaker 2: I see what you mean, but you've got to admit, they do make money.

14:51 Speaker 3: They do.

14:54 Speaker 2: Well, when did you start writing?

14:56 Speaker 3: Do you mean as a profession? Or just for the joy of writing?

15:01 Speaker 2: Why don't we start with that second part, the joy of writing?

15:05 Speaker 3: I was nine years of age. I had already discovered the wonderful world of horror and terror through books, radio, television shows, movies, even comic books.

15:18 Speaker 2: Comic books, really? Oh, yes.

15:20 Speaker 3: While my friends were busy collecting Superman and X-Men comics, I was seeking out the witching hour, tales of Sinister House, Dark Shadows and Twilight.

15:33 Speaker 2: Zone, Dark Shadows and Twilight Zone? I thought those were TV shows.

15:37 Speaker 3: Oh, they were. But they were also released as comic books. Marvelous.

15:43 Speaker 2: So then, is that when you started writing?

15:45 Speaker 3: Yes. I wanted to create my own stories of terror, suspense, and horror. Much to the dismay of my teachers.

15:56 Speaker 2: I did read a story about a Miss Everest. She was your English teacher?

16:01 Speaker 3: Nothing you need be concerned about. Anyway, that was much later. In college. Oh, never mind that.

16:13 Speaker 1: Just a noise.

16:14 Speaker 3: Let me ask you, did they ever find the body?

16:18 Speaker 2: Not from what I read. Wait a minute. What do you mean?

16:22 Speaker 1: Oh, my dear boy.

16:24 Speaker 3: You didn't read enough. She was my first victim.

16:36 Speaker 1: Um, I.

16:39 Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I don't think I understand.

16:41 Speaker 1: Of course you do.

16:43 Speaker 3: A writer can only write what he knows. I knew nothing.

16:48 Speaker 1: About murder, only what I had read. I had to learn, you see.

16:54 Speaker 2: So you actually.

16:57 Speaker 1: Killed.

16:59 Speaker 4: Wired her head to an electrical box.

17:03 Speaker 3: Put her dainty little feet into a bucket of water and then throw the switch. Oh, you should have seen her fry them.

17:30 Speaker 1: Emily Dickinson once said, I know nothing in the world that has as much power as a word. Sometimes I write one and look at it until it shines. I will return to The Mansion of Nightmares with Act 3 shortly.

18:08 Speaker 1: I have fallen in love with the imagination, and if you fall in love with the imagination, you understand that it is a free spirit. It will go anywhere, and it can do anything, said Alice Walker.

18:25 Speaker 2: We're walking down what appears to be a gallery.

18:28 Speaker 1: Mr. Noah.

18:29 Speaker 2: Excuse me, William. These are some rather, well, strange paintings.

18:36 Speaker 3: Works based on the writings of H.P. Lovecraft. I find them to be not only comforting, but they spark my imagination.

18:46 Speaker 2: Strange creatures?

18:48 Speaker 4: Ghouls?

18:49 Speaker 2: Eating corpses? Attacking people on a subway? Yeah, I can definitely see where your inspiration comes from.

18:57 Speaker 3: Please, this way, Mr.

18:59 Speaker 1: Phillips.

19:10 Speaker 2: Is that a coffin?

19:13 Speaker 4: Yes. I would like you to meet my wife.

19:21 Speaker 2: What is she doing?

19:23 Speaker 1: Is she.

19:24 Speaker 2: Wait, is she actually dead?

19:26 Speaker 4: Would there be any other reason to.

19:29 Speaker 3: Be in a coffin?

19:31 Speaker 2: Well, why are you showing me this?

19:33 Speaker 4: Ah, the hour has come at last.

19:49 Speaker 3: Ouch. Good evening, dear.

19:54 Speaker 5: And who is this delicious-looking gentleman?

19:59 Speaker 3: Isabel, I'm surprised at you.

20:03 Speaker 4: You said that I should do an interview.

20:06 Speaker 3: Ah, Mr. Carl Phillips.

20:11 Speaker 4: So very pleased to eat. I mean, meet you.

20:19 Speaker 2: Okay, okay, you got me. What's the gag?

20:24 Speaker 4: Whatever do you mean, Mr. Phillips?

20:28 Speaker 3: Exactly what are you implying, Mr.

20:31 Speaker 1: Phillips?

20:33 Speaker 2: Oh, come off it, you two. Seriously, human heads on the wall, you got an old mansion, a ghoul's groan for a doorbell, and now to top it off, your wife is in a coffin. I mean, could you not have piled it on any thicker?

20:49 Speaker 3: I'm afraid that he has found us out, my love.

20:51 Speaker 1: Has he really, William?

20:58 Speaker 2: Has the moon fully risen yet?

21:00 Speaker 3: Almost.

21:01 Speaker 1: Almost.

21:03 Speaker 4: And the hour of midnight is upon us.

21:06 Speaker 2: Forget it. Look, I just wanted an interview with a great horror writer. Not this tour through a stupid haunted mansion.

21:15 Speaker 4: Oh, it's true. The house is not haunted. By ghosts, anyway. However, there is a vampire. And there is a werewolf.

21:33 Speaker 2: You two really must think I just fell off the turnip truck. I'm leaving. Now.

21:44 Speaker 4: Don't worry, Isabel. I will save all of his blood for you. Oh, my dear. I don't mind sharing.

22:11 Speaker 2: I'm telling you, Mrs. Carter, that is exactly what I saw. No, I didn't have the camera running. No, just a recording of the voices. What do you think I did? I ran out of there as fast as my little legs would take me. Yeah, I'll have the whole thing edited tonight.

22:33 Speaker 2: Hang on, I think someone just came in. It's probably Lee. He was just checking out some things for me. Right, I'll leave the tape on your desk. Good night. Lee, I thought you'd never get back. I've been waiting for hours.

22:48 Speaker 4: You ran out on us.

22:53 Speaker 1: What?

22:54 Speaker 2: Oh my, no, no, no!

22:56 Speaker 3: I do apologize, Isabel.

22:59 Speaker 1: You were right.

23:01 Speaker 4: I should have kept him in the library.

23:04 Speaker 3: It is perfectly all right, my dear.

23:08 Speaker 4: As long as we have it right.

23:11 Speaker 3: This time.

23:14 Speaker 2: What do you want?

23:15 Speaker 3: I believe I made that quite clear.

23:23 Speaker 1: What do you want?

23:24 Speaker 5: You!

23:24 Speaker 6: For dinner!

24:03 Speaker 1: As we quietly leave the couple to their, um, evening meal, let us pause for a moment until I return with a final word. Lee Child once said, keep asking questions because people will always want to know the answer. Open with a question and don't answer it until the end. Our cast included Crimson McKenzie, Darren Mahler, Annie Mick, William Stafford, and Winslow Swan. This story was edited by Crimson McKenzie and directed by Winslow Swan. And now, a preview of our next tale.

25:04 Speaker 4: Tom, I know that something is going on.

25:07 Speaker 2: Ever since I got here, people have been, well, not very friendly.

25:13 Speaker 3: Well, what did you expect, Liza? A hero's welcome home party? You've been away for ten years now.

25:20 Speaker 5: It isn't just that, Tom, and you know it.

25:27 Speaker 3: And I suppose a dog howling in the woods is my imagination, too. Can't anyone find it and do something about it? I was told that they had. That Mike Olsen killed it two days ago, so why is it still howling?

25:41 Speaker 2: Woof!

25:45 Speaker 1: This is Artemis Black, inviting you to return with us to the doorway to nightmare for another adventure into the terrifying world of your imagination. Until next time, slumber peacefully. Epilogue.

26:06 Speaker 3: The butler did it.