Here Kitty Kitty: A Terrifying Tale of Greed and Madness

0:00 Speaker 1: Hi, it's Crimson.

0:01 Speaker 2: If you enjoy these plays, please hit that like button. That way we know. Don't forget to subscribe and share it with all your friends.

0:10 Speaker 3: When you sleep, you enter into another world. Beyond that world lies the doorway to Nightmare. Nightmare. Come in. Welcome. I'm your host through the doorway to nightmare. What greater gift than the love of a cat, asks Charles Dickens. It has been said that cats choose the people that they want to be with and not the other way around.

1:09 Speaker 4: Ah, mangy thing. Always getting around my feet, trying to trip me up, trying to kill me.

1:17 Speaker 3: That's all right.

1:18 Speaker 4: Here's a little milk for you. Well, come on. Drink it up. You shouldn't be able to smell the arsenic that I added. Well, come on. Drink it. And then I'll finally be rid of you.

1:44 Speaker 3: Our mystery drama, Here Kitty Kitty, was written especially for The Doorway to Nightmare by Winslow Swan and edited by Crimson McKenzie. Our stars include Winslow Swan and Crimson McKenzie. It is sponsored in part by Swanage Press. I'll be back shortly with Act One.

2:07 Speaker 5: Act One.

2:21 Speaker 3: There are 600 million cats in the world, so chances are good that one is sitting on your lap as you listen. As you look at your sleeping cat, have you ever wondered how much we, mere humans, know about the history of cats and where they came from? How long have they been a part of our lives? Is it the history of domesticated cats? Or did they simply decide to include us in their lives? What caused the transformation from the majestic and feral wildcat to your furry friend and cuddly companion?

3:06 Speaker 1: Yes, Uncle.

3:09 Speaker 4: I'm getting your precious medicine and meal. I'm coming. You withered old fool.

3:20 Speaker 6: Jeffrey, what took you so long?

3:22 Speaker 4: It takes some time to prepare your food, Uncle. And of course there is Tabby to think about. Nice kitty.

3:32 Speaker 6: I can't understand why Tabby doesn't like you.

3:36 Speaker 4: Ever since you found it, she's always been trying to scratch me. I feed you, you mangy little ball of fur.

3:45 Speaker 6: Well, she's been a great comfort to me over the last few weeks. Haven't you, Tabby? You see, Jeffrey? She loves me unconditionally. Unlike you, Jeffrey.

4:00 Speaker 4: Whatever do you mean, Uncle? I've waited on you hand and foot for the past five years.

4:07 Speaker 6: Only because you had to.

4:09 Speaker 4: Now, what a thing to say. I love you, dear Uncle.

4:14 Speaker 6: No, you love my money.

4:16 Speaker 3: Ahem.

4:18 Speaker 6: As my only living heir, you stand to inherit a great fortune.

4:25 Speaker 4: The thought never entered my mind.

4:35 Speaker 3: No, uncle.

4:38 Speaker 4: It never entered my mind. I get a penance for taking care of you. Five years of washing your laundry, cooking your meals, cleaning you.

4:50 Speaker 3: And for what?

4:52 Speaker 4: A measly thousand a month.

4:57 Speaker 6: And you, where did you even come from?

5:02 Speaker 4: Breakfast time, Uncle was alone. And then lunchtime, you're sitting on his chest, mewing for food. Go on, get out of my way. Hey, watch it. You mangy little piece of... I didn't know better, I would say, but you tried to kill me!

5:27 Speaker 6: Where is he? Where is that worthless nephew of.

5:30 Speaker 4: I'm here, Uncle. I have your late night snack.

5:34 Speaker 6: You don't have to pretend with me, Jeffrey. Your mother and sister did you no service in making you a... A what, Uncle?

5:45 Speaker 4: Did she ever get any help from you, her brother? I watched her work her fingers to the bone while she sent me to school. Coming here to fix dinner for me just so that she could get to her second job just to make ends meet.

6:00 Speaker 6: And now you take care of me?

6:03 Speaker 4: That's a rather bad cough you have there. Seems to be awfully hot.

6:09 Speaker 6: Why don't we open this window?

6:12 Speaker 4: You needed some fresh air.

6:15 Speaker 6: Jeffrey!

6:17 Speaker 4: What are you doing?

6:19 Speaker 3: It's the middle of winter!

6:20 Speaker 4: Yes, Uncle, yes.

6:24 Speaker 6: Just breathe in that nice, fresh.

6:27 Speaker 4: Clean air. Stay here with your master, you worthless piece of fur.

6:39 Speaker 1: Jeffrey, my deepest condolences.

6:43 Speaker 3: Thank you, Mr. Walters.

6:46 Speaker 4: You have been a good friend to my family for years.

6:49 Speaker 1: As well as your uncle's attorney. Five years you took care of the old man.

6:55 Speaker 3: Isn't that right?

6:56 Speaker 4: Oh, it was a cross that I was honored to bear.

7:00 Speaker 1: There is a special place for people like you, Jeffrey.

7:04 Speaker 3: Um, Mr.

7:05 Speaker 4: Walters, I hate to bring it up, but what about the will?

7:09 Speaker 1: Oh, I don't think that there will be a problem. Probate should be fairly simple since you're the only heir. This house, the business holdings, stocks and bonds. You should be quite well off.

7:22 Speaker 4: Well, how long do you think?

7:25 Speaker 1: Oh, I would say just a few weeks. The coroner was satisfied that your uncle died of pneumonia. Shame, too. He was such a decent old man.

7:35 Speaker 4: But what am I supposed to live on while the will goes through probate?

7:40 Speaker 1: I'm sure the court will allow you some of the money until everything is finished. Oh, there is one thing.

7:48 Speaker 4: What's that?

7:49 Speaker 1: Your uncle had me come over a couple of weeks ago while you were out. He added a codicil to the will.

7:56 Speaker 3: What are you talking about?

7:57 Speaker 1: In the event of your uncle's demise, the kitten that he had found shall remain in this house.

8:06 Speaker 4: Remain?

8:08 Speaker 6: Are you serious?

8:09 Speaker 1: And you will take care of it until its own demise.

8:21 Speaker 3: I believe that Hemingway said it best, a cat has absolute emotional honesty. Human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not. I'll return shortly with Act Two. It has been said that there are cat people and dog people. Jeffrey does not seem to be a cat person.

9:09 Speaker 5: Filthy little beast.

9:11 Speaker 4: You should have died with my uncle. Oh no, instead he's still making my life miserable, shackling me to you. Fine, I shall take care of you until your demise. How about a nice bowl of milk? A little arsenic should hurry things along.

9:37 Speaker 3: Well, what's the matter?

9:40 Speaker 4: Don't you want your milk? Hey, there's nothing wrong with it. Now drink your nice poison milk, you flea-bitten furball.

9:52 Speaker 3: Ow! You little.

9:54 Speaker 6: You scratched me!

9:56 Speaker 4: You deliberately scratched me!

9:58 Speaker 1: Oh, wow.

10:00 Speaker 4: Get you! Now, come back.

10:14 Speaker 5: Here!

10:14 Speaker 1: Wow!

10:14 Speaker 2: This place is huge!

10:17 Speaker 4: Yes, it is.

10:17 Speaker 3: And.

10:19 Speaker 4: You, sweet Alice, make it even more beautiful.

10:23 Speaker 2: Oh, I bet you say that to all the girls.

10:27 Speaker 3: Oh, no.

10:28 Speaker 4: You are very special to me.

10:30 Speaker 1: Really?

10:31 Speaker 2: We just met tonight.

10:33 Speaker 4: I suppose I felt a sort of urge to invite you to my humble abode.

10:40 Speaker 2: Oh, my. The way you talk. Very, um, refined.

10:47 Speaker 3: Refined.

10:47 Speaker 2: Is that the word?

10:49 Speaker 3: Perfect.

10:50 Speaker 4: Now, how about a glass of.

10:55 Speaker 2: Was that?

10:57 Speaker 3: I'm not sure. Tabby?

11:00 Speaker 4: Is that you?

11:01 Speaker 2: Oh, you have a cat? Oh, I adore cats.

11:07 Speaker 4: Well, it was my uncle's before he passed on.

11:09 Speaker 2: Yeah, kitty, kitty, kitty. Where's the window, precious?

11:15 Speaker 4: What the. That's not Tabby.

11:19 Speaker 2: Oh, he's so big.

11:21 Speaker 4: No, you don't understand. Tabby was just a kitten.

11:23 Speaker 2: This is definitely not a kitten.

11:27 Speaker 4: I don't understand it. Last night, that was a kitten.

11:31 Speaker 2: Well, maybe it's just a stray. Just someone else's cat that came in.

11:35 Speaker 3: Oh, no.

11:36 Speaker 4: No, it's Tabby.

11:38 Speaker 6: See the bell? The markings.

11:40 Speaker 4: That's Tabby.

11:41 Speaker 2: Jeffrey, that's a full-grown cat.

11:44 Speaker 4: I'm telling you.

11:46 Speaker 6: That is tabby.

12:07 Speaker 4: Here's to you, uncle. You drove my mother to poverty. You kept me a virtual prisoner.

12:18 Speaker 2: And now.

12:19 Speaker 4: Now you've made me a babysitter. To a cat. I hope that you are rotting in hell.

12:36 Speaker 3: What was that?

12:38 Speaker 5: Gabby? Hello?

12:46 Speaker 4: Oh, you spawn of a demon.

12:50 Speaker 6: I'll get you.

12:50 Speaker 4: Thought I wasn't going to protect myself? Just show that furry little head of yours and I'll blow it off. No, I can't be. You're as big as a panther. Just sit right here. There. Let me aim.

13:20 Speaker 6: Damn!

13:21 Speaker 4: You won't get away! I'll find you!

13:29 Speaker 3: A small kitten that seems to be growing on a daily basis... Or is it all just an hallucination brought on by too much alcohol? Jeffrey doesn't seem to think so. As he loads his gun again, looking through the cavernous mansion for his prey. I'll be looking for you when I return shortly with Act 3. She sights a bird. She chuckles. She flattens. Then she crawls. She runs without the look of feet. Her eyes increase to balls. I wonder if Emily Dickinson ever had a cat like Tabby. Thank goodness. Come in, Mr.

14:32 Speaker 1: Walters. Jeffrey, you don't look well.

14:35 Speaker 4: Is there any way that we can break that codicil?

14:40 Speaker 1: I don't understand.

14:41 Speaker 4: Must I stay here and take care of that wretched cat?

14:44 Speaker 1: Well, you're not much for animals, are you, Jeffrey?

14:49 Speaker 4: On the contrary. I adore animals. It's that cat that I cannot stand.

14:58 Speaker 1: Well... As the attorney on record, I suppose that you could take the kitten to a shelter.

15:04 Speaker 4: Oh, thank you. Thank you.

15:08 Speaker 1: Of course, you would have to give up your uncle's fortune.

15:12 Speaker 4: Oh, damn that man!

15:14 Speaker 1: I don't understand you, Jeffrey. It's just a harmless little kitten.

15:20 Speaker 2: Harmless?

15:21 Speaker 4: It's tried to kill me! On several occasions!

15:25 Speaker 3: Now, Jeffrey.

15:26 Speaker 1: I think that you're letting your imagination run away with you.

15:30 Speaker 4: I didn't imagine that kitten growing to the sides of a leopard in three days, did I?

15:36 Speaker 1: Oh, come now. Do you really expect me to believe that?

15:43 Speaker 4: I'm not sure what to believe myself.

15:46 Speaker 1: Look, why don't you take a trip? Get out of this house for a while.

15:52 Speaker 4: But won't I be derelict in my duty to take care.

15:55 Speaker 1: Of I'm sure that you could find someone to check in on the kitten while you're away.

16:02 Speaker 4: Maybe you're right.

16:03 Speaker 1: Of course I am. And don't worry so much. After all, it's only a kitten. Hello, yes?

16:16 Speaker 4: I'm checking on my reservation. That's right.

16:21 Speaker 3: I will be leaving in the morning.

16:24 Speaker 4: And I have the stateroom booked. Excellent. Now, will someone be able to come and pick up my luggage?

16:33 Speaker 3: Oh, very good.

16:34 Speaker 4: I will see them in the morning.

16:35 Speaker 3: Thank you.

16:36 Speaker 4: Oh, you wretched little beast.

16:45 Speaker 3: Where are you? You're close.

16:48 Speaker 4: I can hear you. Fortune or no fortune, you die tonight.

16:56 Speaker 3: Oh, no.

16:57 Speaker 4: Not a rifle this time, but a fully loaded revolver.

17:01 Speaker 1: Now, where are you?

17:07 Speaker 4: Upstairs? Oh, I've got you now. I can hear you. In Uncle's room, are you? Well, not for long. It's

17:35 Speaker 4: so dark in here. Where the hell is that light switch?

17:42 Speaker 4: That's funny.

17:46 Speaker 1: No matter.

17:48 Speaker 4: I don't need the lights to hear you. Because I can hear.

17:54 Speaker 3: You on the bed.

17:59 Speaker 4: For my dear departed uncle. Don't worry. You'll be joining him very soon.

18:12 Speaker 3: Tabby? Tabby? Tabby! No! No!

18:20 Speaker 5: Tabby!

18:37 Speaker 3: Jeffrey? Jeffrey?

18:43 Speaker 4: Your door was unlocked.

18:48 Speaker 1: Well, your luggage is here. Jeffrey!

18:53 Speaker 5: Hello.

18:54 Speaker 1: Well, hello. And who might you be?

18:57 Speaker 2: Hi, I'm Alice. I thought I might come and see how Jeffrey was doing. Well, actually I came to check in on Patty.

19:07 Speaker 1: Well, he must be somewhere around here.

19:09 Speaker 2: There's my little furry guy.

19:14 Speaker 1: Hello, Tabby.

19:15 Speaker 3: He's so cute.

19:19 Speaker 2: Oh, my. What'd you get yourself into?

19:25 Speaker 3: What is that?

19:26 Speaker 2: It's all over his fur. Like, sticky. Like red paint or something.

19:31 Speaker 1: That's not paint.

19:33 Speaker 3: Jeffery!

19:34 Speaker 1: Jeffery! Maybe he's upstairs.

19:41 Speaker 5: Jeffrey? Are you in here?

19:43 Speaker 3: Oh, God!

19:51 Speaker 1: Oh lord, help us!

19:54 Speaker 2: He's been ripped apart!

19:55 Speaker 3: As if!

19:56 Speaker 1: By some wild animal!

19:59 Speaker 5: Oh, Tabby!

20:01 Speaker 4: Come here, baby.

20:05 Speaker 2: Did you see what happened? Did you try to help him? Okay, let's get you washed up, baby. You're coming home with me.

20:16 Speaker 3: Alice and Mr. Walters stare at the mutilated body of Jeffrey. Blood stains the floor and walls a crimson red, and sitting contentedly in the arms of Alice is a small, blood-stained kitten. I will return shortly. As you have been listening to our tale, Are You Alone?, is there a furry little creature that purrs away, sitting relaxed in your lap? Remember the words of author Kristen Kast, Cats choose us. We do not own them. Our cast included Winslow Swan, Dave Arkopov, Crimson McKenzie, and Mark Wheeler.

21:29 Speaker 3: The entire production was under the direction of Winslow Swan and edited by Crimson McKenzie. And now, a preview of our next tale.

21:42 Speaker 2: There has to be some kind of a connection.

21:45 Speaker 6: Did you ever stop to think that maybe we're dealing with an ordinary run-of-the-mill psychopath?

21:52 Speaker 2: You better hope not, Ferraro.

21:55 Speaker 1: He's bound to slip up sometime.

21:57 Speaker 6: And when he does, I'll be there to catch him.

22:00 Speaker 2: I wouldn't count on it.

22:02 Speaker 3: Doorway to Nightmare is brought to you in part by Swanage Press.

22:07 Speaker 2: Hey guys, it's Crimson! If you enjoy these plays, please hit that like button. That way we know. Don't forget to subscribe and share it with all your friends.

22:18 Speaker 3: This is your host inviting you to return with us through the doorway to nightmare for another adventure into the world of your terrifying imagination. Until next time, slumber peacefully. Epilogue. The butler did it.