Cozy Supernatural Comedy Binge – "Hauntings: Vampire" | Full-Cast Drama

Speaker 1: Doorway to Nightmare is brought to you in part by Swanage Press. It lies in wait amidst your dreams, where nothing is ever how it seems. It is a portal to a terrifying world beyond the doorway. Nightmare. Come in. Welcome. I'm Artemis Black. Actress Elizabeth Bowen once said, Ghosts seem harder to please than we are. It's as if they haunt for Come on, guys.

Speaker 2: Please.

Speaker 3: Absolutely not. I will not have him staying here and that's final.

Speaker 4: Now, Stan, I do understand why he wants to.

Speaker 3: Dorothy, I have put up with a lot from Fred, but this, this is going beyond the boundaries of human limitations.

Speaker 5: Oh, but he won't be in the way. I promise.

Speaker 3: Fred, he is not some sort of pet. For the last time, I will not, I repeat, not have a vampire staying in my home.

Speaker 1: Our mystery drama, Hauntings Vampire, was written especially for Doorway to Nightmare by Winslow Swan and edited by Crimson McKenzie. Our stars include William Stafford, Crimson McKenzie, Mick Davis, Robert Jackson, and Winslow Swan. I'll return shortly with Act One.

Speaker 2: Mystery. Horror. Thriller.

Speaker 3: Suspense.

Speaker 4: Novels and short story collections from Winslow Swan, now available from Amazon.

Speaker 3: Vampire.

Speaker 1: The word alone can send shivers up the spine of anyone, perhaps even you. But then, what do we really know about them? Well, other than what Bram Stoker dreamed up, and what Hollywood has manufactured, are they no more sinister than the average human being?

Speaker 2: Hey, friend. Missed you at dinner.

Speaker 5: Oh, sorry, Dorothy. I was a little, um, indisposed.

Speaker 3: All quiet on the ghostly front?

Speaker 5: Well, not exactly.

Speaker 1: Uh-oh.

Speaker 2: Now, Stan, what is that supposed to mean?

Speaker 3: Every time Fred says, not exactly, it means that something is going to happen, and usually not in a good way.

Speaker 2: Now, come on, Stan.

Speaker 4: Let's just hear him out.

Speaker 5: Oh, I don't think it is anything that you two can do anything about.

Speaker 3: Great. So, Dot, what kind of movie did you want to watch tonight?

Speaker 5: Ha ha ha.

Speaker 4: Now, just a minute, Stan. Fred, what exactly are you talking about?

Speaker 5: Well, you see, there's this friend. And he has a friend. And the friend, well, I mean, my friend, is kind of wanting to help their friend out.

Speaker 3: You see? Was there a sentence formulated in any of that?

Speaker 4: Fred, just spit it out.

Speaker 3: Okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 5: I have a friend named Vlad. Vladimir Zimskov. And he, well, he has a major problem.

Speaker 3: I knew it.

Speaker 2: Now, Stan, don't get your blood pressure up. Remember what the doctor said.

Speaker 3: The doctor doesn't have to live with a ghost. Or has to host other ghosts.

Speaker 2: Um, Stan?

Speaker 3: Or werewolves.

Speaker 2: Stan?

Speaker 3: Or worse yet, vampires.

Speaker 6: What do you have against vampires? We are simply people too.

Speaker 4: Where did you come from?

Speaker 5: Well, that's what I've been trying to tell you. This is my friend, um, Vlad. And according to the rules.

Speaker 3: Forget it!

Speaker 2: Rules or no rules. What exactly do you want us to do, Fred?

Speaker 5: Go on, Vlad.

Speaker 3: You tell them.

Speaker 6: Ah, but Dorothy. What a beautiful name for such a lovely young woman.

Speaker 2: Why, thank you, kind sir.

Speaker 1: Dorothy!

Speaker 4: It's just a compliment, Stan.

Speaker 3: Which usually leads to other things.

Speaker 6: And I'm sure that your soft skin is... Magical. Just underneath, the vessels flowing with aristocratic blood.

Speaker 5: Oh, knock it off, Alvin!

Speaker 1: Wait.

Speaker 3: Who is Alvin?

Speaker 7: That would be me, sir.

Speaker 5: He only calls himself Vlad when he's trying to impress someone. Look, Vlad, I mean, I can tell you right now, Alvin, Dorothy and Stan are not impressed.

Speaker 7: You two have been around Fred for a while, haven't you?

Speaker 3: Too long if you ask me.

Speaker 2: Now, now, Stan.

Speaker 4: Your blood pressure.

Speaker 3: You're right, Dot. Okay, so what can we do for you, Alvin?

Speaker 5: Well, go on. Tell him.

Speaker 6: I'm being hunted.

Speaker 2: Hunted?

Speaker 5: By whom?

Speaker 1: Alvin.

Speaker 6: The world's greatest vampire killer, Peter Van Helsing. If you believe his press releases.

Speaker 4: You mean, there really is a family known as Van Helsing?

Speaker 5: Of course not. His real name is Archibald Wiggins.

Speaker 6: But he, like myself, has romanticized the whole genre of vampires.

Speaker 7: You see, I wasn't always a vampire. I sort of took up with the wrong girl.

Speaker 2: Laurel K.

Speaker 1: Hamilton, in her book series, Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, wrote, quote, I, Anita Blake, scourge of the undead, the human with more vampire kills than any other vampire executioner in the country, was dating a vampire. It was poetically ironic. End quote. I'll return with Act Two.

Speaker 2: It is in all of us.

Speaker 3: Waiting.

Speaker 8: Watching.

Speaker 3: Growing.

Speaker 8: Evil Within by Winslow Swan. Now available on Amazon.

Speaker 1: Mystery.

Speaker 3: Horror.

Speaker 1: Thriller.

Speaker 2: Suspense.

Speaker 4: Novels and short story collections from Winslow Swan, now available from Amazon.

Speaker 1: The author Anne Rice once wrote, I am not time's fool, nor a god hardened by the millennia. I am not the trickster in the black cape, nor the sorrowful wanderer. I have a conscience. I know right from wrong. I know what I do, and yes, I do it. I am the Vampire Lestat. That's your answer. Do with it as you will.

Speaker 7: You see, Dot, I had a blind date with a girl, and she turned out to be, well, not exactly human. We got a little, um, romantic, and she wound.

Speaker 6: Up biting me.

Speaker 7: I never saw her again. But she did turn me into a vampire.

Speaker 5: Who was that girl anyway?

Speaker 6: Morticia. Morticia Lopez.

Speaker 5: I always heard that she bit on the first date.

Speaker 3: Never mind all that. Just tell us what's going on now.

Speaker 7: Van Helsing is after me. He saw me at the blood bank yesterday.

Speaker 2: What were you doing? Trying to get a loan?

Speaker 6: How did you know?

Speaker 1: Wait.

Speaker 2: What?

Speaker 3: Will you stop stalling already? Tell us what's going on.

Speaker 7: Well, he knew he couldn't do anything in front of the witnesses, and especially in broad daylight.

Speaker 3: I didn't think vampires could come. out when the sun was out.

Speaker 5: There's a lot of bad press and misinformation about vampires out there.

Speaker 7: Fred is right. And the last thing I want is to be captured by a press-seeking megalomaniac like Halsey and have a wooden stake driven through my heart.

Speaker 1: Oh.

Speaker 2: I don't think anyone would.

Speaker 3: So how can we help?

Speaker 5: Well, Alvin.

Speaker 6: Fred, if you don't mind.

Speaker 5: Sorry. Vladimir just needs a place to hold up.

Speaker 3: For a few days. We've had worse.

Speaker 1: Stay here.

Speaker 3: But you keep your eyes in. Anything else, off of Dorothy.

Speaker 6: I promise, Mr.

Speaker 1: Peters.

Speaker 3: Because if I so much as find you looking at her funny, Van Helsing won't be the only problem you have.

Speaker 6: A wonderful dinner, Miss Peters.

Speaker 3: Best cook in the world. And she's beautiful as well.

Speaker 2: Thank you, Vlad.

Speaker 4: And you too.

Speaker 2: My darling husband.

Speaker 3: I'll get it.

Speaker 5: Now hang on, Stan. Let me take a look.

Speaker 8: Fred.

Speaker 2: Who is it?

Speaker 5: Fred.

Speaker 3: I mean, Alvin.

Speaker 5: Go to the kitchen and hide.

Speaker 3: Well, who is it, Fred?

Speaker 5: It's Van Helsing. And he looks very good. determined.

Speaker 3: Please, Mr.

Speaker 7: Peters, don't give me away.

Speaker 1: I know he's in there.

Speaker 9: Come out, Vladimir, and face me like a man.

Speaker 3: May I help you?

Speaker 1: Out of my way.

Speaker 9: Vladimir Zemskov, I know you're in here.

Speaker 3: Now, just a damn minute. This is my home. Who is this Bordemort you keep hollering about?

Speaker 9: Vladimir Zemskov. A rather cunning and devious vampire.

Speaker 4: Vampire? In this day and age?

Speaker 3: Are you kidding?

Speaker 9: Please, get out of this house if you value your lives.

Speaker 3: Sir, I suggest that you get away from our home now.

Speaker 9: But you don't know what you're up against.

Speaker 3: No, sir. You... don't know what you are up against, I believe we can let Dot's 9mm do the talking now.

Speaker 4: And I'm a very good shot.

Speaker 9: Yes, I see.

Speaker 1: I see your point.

Speaker 9: Perhaps I should come back another time.

Speaker 3: How about don't come back at all?

Speaker 2: Oh, Stan! You were wonderful!

Speaker 3: You know how I hate authority. Unless it's my boss.

Speaker 6: But he will be back. You can count on it.

Speaker 5: What are we going to do if he does come back?

Speaker 3: You know, I think I have a rather ingenious idea.

Speaker 2: I know that look, Stan.

Speaker 4: What do you have in mind?

Speaker 5: The End.

Speaker 1: American cartoonist Linda Barry once said, The histories of vampires and peoples are not so different, really. How many of us can honestly see our own reflection? We'll see into Act 3 shortly.

Speaker 8: Have you heard any good books lately? Audiobooks from Winslow Swan, now available on Spotify.

Speaker 5: Watch Circle of Mystery, Tuesday nights at 7 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time on the Doorway to Nightmare YouTube channel.

Speaker 1: Film director Francis Ford Coppola once said, Everyone knows the phenomenon of trying to hold your breath underwater. How at first it's all right and you can handle it. And then, as it gets closer and closer to the time when you must breathe... How urgent the need becomes. The lust and the hunger to breathe. And then the panic sets in when you begin to think that you won't be able to breathe. Finally, you take an air and the anxiety subsides. That's what it's like to be a vampire and need blood.

Speaker 2: Are you sure this is going to work, Stan? Mostly positive.

Speaker 3: Mostly positive?

Speaker 7: Positive?

Speaker 3: Pretty sure.

Speaker 1: Wait.

Speaker 2: Only pretty sure?

Speaker 3: Can't guarantee anything, really.

Speaker 6: Stan!

Speaker 2: Are you serious?

Speaker 5: Vlad's all ready, Stan. In case that Van Helsing shows up again.

Speaker 3: Oh, I'm sure he's going to show up.

Speaker 2: Why do you say that, Stan?

Speaker 3: He's been standing in our backyard for the last hour.

Speaker 2: I'll go get my gun.

Speaker 3: Now, Dot, I don't think we're going to need it. We just have to be convincing.

Speaker 9: Come on!

Speaker 3: Open up!

Speaker 9: I've already seen him through the window! Open up or I will break it down!

Speaker 4: You're lucky I took the gun apart to clean it. Haven't had the chance to put it all back together again.

Speaker 1: Now where is he?

Speaker 9: Where is the dreaded vampire?

Speaker 6: Yes, I am a vampire. And you have no right to.

Speaker 1: To what?

Speaker 9: Rid the world of a creature such as you? I have every right. My namesake gives me that right.

Speaker 5: Oh, come off it, Archie. Do you honestly think that Vlad is such a threat? I mean, look at him.

Speaker 6: Hey, that is an insult to.

Speaker 5: Shut up, Alvin.

Speaker 1: Enough of this.

Speaker 9: I have my holy cross back.

Speaker 1: You demon from hell.

Speaker 6: No, not the cross. Get it away from me.

Speaker 9: And now, now for the stake through the heart.

Speaker 4: No.

Speaker 9: One less vampire in the world. Thank you, dear people, and whatever you are.

Speaker 5: Frederick Washington.

Speaker 3: Skip it, Fred. Now would you please get out of my house?

Speaker 9: Gladly. You will turn into nothing but dust shortly.

Speaker 5: I bid you both good evening.

Speaker 7: Is he gone?

Speaker 6: Yes!

Speaker 8: What a wonderful performance!

Speaker 5: I must admit, it was rather good.

Speaker 3: And my little device seemed to work, too.

Speaker 2: So glad it did.

Speaker 3: Did you ever have any doubts?

Speaker 2: Only several hundred.

Speaker 3: Dorothy!

Speaker 2: Oh, I'm only kidding.

Speaker 6: Thank you, Mr.

Speaker 1: Peters.

Speaker 6: Yes, who would have thought of a steak-proof vest? Complete with a blood packet to really give off the illusion.

Speaker 5: Van Helsing!

Speaker 4: What are you doing back?

Speaker 6: Um, I believe I left something in my coffin. I should be.

Speaker 9: Forget it, Vlad, or Archie, or whoever you are.

Speaker 3: Why do you look so pale, Mr. Van Helsing?

Speaker 9: Because I was just bit by a vampire!

Speaker 5: Vampire!

Speaker 6: Are you kidding? Who was it?

Speaker 2: Yes, please do tell.

Speaker 9: As I was leaving, a rather beautiful woman came up to me. Her eyes seemed boring to mine. I couldn't help myself. I went to her and she.

Speaker 5: I thought I saw Morticia lurking about.

Speaker 6: Same thing happened to me. But How did you survive the stake? I'll tell you about it on the way to my castle. Actually, it's a two-story brownstone on the Upper East Side.

Speaker 9: You mean you want me to live with you?

Speaker 6: Until you find your own place.

Speaker 9: But what about the blood? I cannot stand even the sight of it.

Speaker 6: We don't need much to sustain us. And besides, there are plenty of... volunteers and blood banks.

Speaker 5: You know, after all of this, I think our go and have a little lie down.

Speaker 4: Just another day in the life of Stan and Dorothy Peters.

Speaker 3: Why can't we just have a normal day?

Speaker 4: And give up all of this?

Speaker 1: Stan and Dot look at each other and laugh. They know that no matter what happens, life, such as it is, will always be interesting. I'll return with a final word.

Speaker 8: If you'd like to support us, visit our merchandise store. T-shirts, caps, mugs, and so much more. Visit doorwaytonightmare.com today.

Speaker 1: Always remember that when dealing with ghosts, there are some simple rules to follow. For instance, don't leave sharp objects lying about. A ghost might get cut. Don't slam doors or windows. You may pinch a ghost. And if you are ever bothered by a ghost, just say, Boo! And it will go away. Unless, of course, it happens to be Frederick Washington Davis. Our cast included William Stafford, Crimson McKenzie, Mick Davis, Robert Jackson, and Winslow Swan. The story was edited by Crimson McKenzie and directed by Winslow Swan.

Speaker 1: Doorway to Nightmare is brought to you in part by Swanage Publications. This is Artemis Black, inviting you to return with us to the doorway to nightmare for another adventure into the terrifying world of your imagination. Until next time, slumber peacefully.

Speaker 2: Epilogue.

Speaker 1: The butler did it.

Speaker 3: The butler didn't do it!

Game plan