Haunting's Rival | A Paranormal Comedy Fiction Podcast

0:05 Speaker 1: It lies in wait amidst your dreams, where nothing is ever how it seems. It is a portal to a terrifying world beyond the doorway to nightmare. Nightmare. Come in.

0:40 Speaker 2: Welcome.

0:43 Speaker 1: I'm Artemis Black. The author Brenna Yovanov wrote, In every century, in every country, they'll call us something different. They will say we are ghosts, angels, demons, elemental spirits, and giving us a name doesn't help anybody. When did a name change what someone is?

1:14 Speaker 3: Come on, Fred. It can't be that bad. Just tell me what happened. How did the date go with Peggy?

1:24 Speaker 4: Oh, Dorothy.

1:26 Speaker 5: I'm not sure exactly what happened.

1:30 Speaker 4: Everything was going great.

1:35 Speaker 6: Until... Until.

1:36 Speaker 3: Until what, Fred?

1:38 Speaker 5: Until I met Butch.

1:42 Speaker 3: Now you have lost me.

1:44 Speaker 4: Who is Butch?

1:46 Speaker 5: A menace. An eight-foot colossal beast. Peggy Ann Snow's boyfriend.

1:56 Speaker 7: Wait.

1:58 Speaker 3: I thought that you... I mean, you and her were.

2:01 Speaker 5: I mean... Oh, Dorothy. What am I going to do?

2:10 Speaker 1: Our mystery drama, Hauntings Rival, was written especially for Doorway to Nightmare by Winslow Swan and Crimson McKenzie. Our stars include Crimson McKenzie, William Stafford, Dave Arkapov, Annie Mick, Jonathan Rosignol, and Winslow Swan. I'll be back shortly with Act 1.

2:47 Speaker 1: One need not be a chamber to be haunted. One need not be a house, wrote Emily Dickinson. While movies and TV shows have shown us the more horrific side of the supernatural, I always tend to think of the adventures Or should I say, misadventures of Frederick Washington Davis.

3:20 Speaker 8: I'm so glad that you and Stan could come over today. Sugar or milk?

3:25 Speaker 4: Oh, no.

3:26 Speaker 3: No, thank you. This is really good tea, Millie.

3:30 Speaker 8: Thank you, dear. By the way, where is Fred? He's usually right here when you come over.

3:37 Speaker 3: Would you believe he is on a date?

3:40 Speaker 8: Our Fred? On a date?

3:43 Speaker 3: Since they moved the graveyard closer to you, Fred has been the happiest we have ever seen him. Stan said that he could see Peggy almost any time you wanted.

3:55 Speaker 8: That's wonderful. I wonder how the boys are doing with their barbecue.

4:00 Speaker 3: I don't hear any fire engines in the neighborhood. So I guess they're okay.

4:05 Speaker 8: Jack has always prided himself on his steaks. So naturally, they usually come out, well, halfway decent.

4:16 Speaker 3: Let the boys have their fun. So how are things going with you and Jack?

4:21 Speaker 8: All is well so far. Even in this economy, things have been looking up.

4:29 Speaker 9: Steaks will be ready in a few minutes. And I must say, I think these are the best ones yet.

4:35 Speaker 2: Look delicious to me. What have you girls been up to?

4:38 Speaker 3: Just a little girl talk.

4:41 Speaker 9: I haven't seen any sign of Fred. Everything okay with him?

4:44 Speaker 3: Oh, yes. He's on a date with Peggy at the graveyard.

4:48 Speaker 2: I gotta say, things have been pretty good at the house since he met her.

4:53 Speaker 8: I'm so happy that he met someone. He really needed a woman in his life. I mean, or afterlife.

5:01 Speaker 5: Hi, everybody.

5:04 Speaker 3: Fred? Date over already?

5:07 Speaker 4: It never really got started.

5:10 Speaker 2: Um, Jack? I think I hear steaks calling our name.

5:15 Speaker 8: I've got to get some things in the kitchen to go with our steaks.

5:23 Speaker 3: Well, that was a little awkward.

5:25 Speaker 4: Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt your party.

5:27 Speaker 3: Never mind that. Now that we're alone, what is going on? Did you see Peggy?

5:35 Speaker 10: Well, there I was, standing next to her grave with that urn of flowers you gave me. You know, the ones you picked last night from Nosy Nelly's garden.

5:46 Speaker 3: Fred, I told you not to mention... Never mind.

5:50 Speaker 1: Just.

5:51 Speaker 3: Tell me what happened.

5:53 Speaker 10: Well, I was standing there, you know, waiting for Peggy to come. I waited and I waited and I waited and I.

6:04 Speaker 3: Typical girl. Always keeps the man waiting.

6:08 Speaker 10: Well, anyway, I was just about ready to give up and come back here when she finally showed up and.

6:24 Speaker 5: Um, hiya, Peggy.

6:25 Speaker 11: Hi, Fred.

6:26 Speaker 7: So glad that you could come.

6:30 Speaker 5: Oh, I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Oh, and I brought these flowers.

6:35 Speaker 7: They're very nice.

6:39 Speaker 10: And Dorothy made us a wonderful lunch. Here, I'll get it prepared. And maybe we can, um, Peggy? Why are you getting closer to me?

6:54 Speaker 7: Don't you like me close to you?

6:57 Speaker 5: Oh, yes, yes, yes, very much so.

6:59 Speaker 7: You're very handsome, friend.

7:06 Speaker 5: Um, thank you.

7:07 Speaker 7: Let me put my arms around.

7:13 Speaker 5: You. Oh, Peggy, this is our first date, you know.

7:19 Speaker 7: You're so old-fashioned.

7:23 Speaker 5: Oh, Peggy.

7:25 Speaker 4: You kissed me.

7:27 Speaker 7: You're the most beautiful spirit that I've ever seen.

7:36 Speaker 1: Peggy?

7:37 Speaker 7: Oh. Hi, Butch.

7:40 Speaker 2: Um, Butch?

7:42 Speaker 7: Would you mind telling me who this gentleman is? Fred. This is Butch. Butch Hogan.

7:51 Speaker 5: Oh, well, very nice to meet you.

7:54 Speaker 11: And would you mind explaining what you are doing in the arms of this pipsqueak?

8:01 Speaker 5: Well, let's not get personal.

8:03 Speaker 7: I told you, Butch. We are done.

8:08 Speaker 5: Um, maybe I should let you two talk things over?

8:12 Speaker 1: Oh, no.

8:13 Speaker 2: Please, stay.

8:15 Speaker 1: I was wondering who Peggy would latch on to this time.

8:19 Speaker 7: Don't be such a bore, Butch.

8:22 Speaker 5: Fred is.

8:24 Speaker 7: is so....

8:27 Speaker 8: Refined.

8:29 Speaker 2: Fred, is it?

8:30 Speaker 5: Oh, yes, sir.

8:31 Speaker 7: Why don't you run along and let me.

8:33 Speaker 2: Speak with Peggy?

8:34 Speaker 5: Um, Peggy, who is Butch?

8:38 Speaker 7: He was my... boyfriend.

8:43 Speaker 5: Boyfriend?

8:45 Speaker 3: She already has a boyfriend?

8:47 Speaker 4: Yes. So you see, I just decided that.

8:52 Speaker 5: To.

8:53 Speaker 3: Just skulk away?

8:54 Speaker 5: Oh, Fred.

8:56 Speaker 3: I'm sorry.

8:57 Speaker 4: The sad thing? I really do love her.

9:07 Speaker 9: Steaks are ready.

9:08 Speaker 2: Oh, hi, Fred.

9:10 Speaker 9: Join us for some juicy steaks?

9:12 Speaker 3: It seems that Peggy already... has a boyfriend.

9:17 Speaker 5: What?

9:18 Speaker 8: So what you're saying is that Peggy is cheating?

9:21 Speaker 10: I kind of got the impression that they were not on the best of terms.

9:27 Speaker 2: So, are they together or not?

9:29 Speaker 5: Well, I'm hoping not.

9:31 Speaker 2: Well, then the problem solves itself. You got to go back and fight for her.

9:37 Speaker 9: Stan's right. Stand up to whoever this guy is.

9:40 Speaker 1: I mean.

9:41 Speaker 9: You ran that one ghost off for us, remember?

9:44 Speaker 5: Oh, but that was different.

9:46 Speaker 3: How different could it be?

9:48 Speaker 5: Well, Butch is not going to fall for any tricks.

9:52 Speaker 3: Fred, do you really love Peggy?

9:56 Speaker 4: With all my ectoplasm.

9:59 Speaker 2: Then whoosh. yourself right back to the cemetery and punch him in the nose.

10:04 Speaker 8: Um, Stan, do you think that is the best course of action?

10:09 Speaker 9: Millie, this is man talk. Fred has got to stand up for himself. I agree with Stan.

10:16 Speaker 8: I don't know. What do you think, Dorothy?

10:19 Speaker 3: I'm going to have to agree with Stan. You should stand up to this Butch character.

10:25 Speaker 5: You know what?

10:26 Speaker 2: You're right.

10:28 Speaker 5: I love that girl. I'll be right back.

10:42 Speaker 1: As Fred vanishes, the four friends sit down for a nice steak dinner. The conversation is light, and the food is delicious. But all of them have a growing concern for their friend. I'll be back shortly with Act 2.

11:07 Speaker 7: Amen.

11:16 Speaker 1: Our friendly ghost Fred has made his way back to the cemetery to confront his rival for the affections of Peggy and Snow. This is the topic of conversation for his friends as they sit with coffee and drinks, discussing their advice for Fred.

11:39 Speaker 8: I'm wondering what is keeping Fred.

11:41 Speaker 9: Do you remember our first date?

11:43 Speaker 8: How could I forget?

11:45 Speaker 3: What were you two lovebirds doing?

11:47 Speaker 9: I had a wonderful evening planned. Light supper in the park, a serenade on my guitar, watching the stars and the moon come up.

11:56 Speaker 3: Oh, that sounds so romantic.

11:59 Speaker 2: Why do I hear a butt coming?

12:02 Speaker 8: Just as he got everything set up in the park, a rainstorm popped up. You should have seen him trying to pick everything up and get it back to the car.

12:15 Speaker 3: Well, that could happen to anybody.

12:17 Speaker 9: What made it worse was that after I did get to the car, I forgot one little thing.

12:23 Speaker 2: Oh, no, Jack. You didn't.

12:25 Speaker 8: He left me standing in the downpour.

12:29 Speaker 9: It was an accident.

12:31 Speaker 8: He did come back and used his guitar as an umbrella.

12:36 Speaker 3: How chivalrous.

12:38 Speaker 2: Remember the time I took you out for dinner, Dot?

12:41 Speaker 3: How could I forget?

12:42 Speaker 8: Oh, please, do tell.

12:44 Speaker 3: It was a wonderful night. Stan had saved up all month to take me to this fancy restaurant. We had such a great meal.

12:53 Speaker 9: Let me guess. You forgot your wallet.

12:56 Speaker 2: Worse than that. I dragged Dorothy through the kitchen and out the back way trying to duck the check.

13:02 Speaker 8: So what happened?

13:04 Speaker 3: After dashing through this filthy alley, ruining my dress, I finally had the chance to tell him that I had already paid for the meal.

13:13 Speaker 2: It wasn't that funny.

13:15 Speaker 3: Oh, Stan.

13:17 Speaker 9: What would we do without him?

13:20 Speaker 7: Woo-hoo!

13:28 Speaker 2: Fred?

13:30 Speaker 9: Fred!

13:31 Speaker 5: What's going on?

13:33 Speaker 9: Is there any way to turn him off?

13:35 Speaker 2: Fred, that's enough.

13:39 Speaker 4: Hello, everybody.

13:43 Speaker 3: Fred, what happened? You're leaking ectoplasm out of your nose. It's getting all over everything.

13:51 Speaker 8: Is that what that stuff is? Does it come out?

13:55 Speaker 3: Fred? What happened?

13:58 Speaker 5: Remember you told me to go and punch that eight-foot ape in the nose?

14:07 Speaker 1: Yes.

14:08 Speaker 5: He punches harder.

14:13 Speaker 8: Fred, maybe you need to lay down for a bit.

14:17 Speaker 11: I really don't feel so good. Is this like When the lights went out in Georgia.

14:31 Speaker 2: I didn't know ghosts could paint.

14:33 Speaker 9: Is there anything we can do for him?

14:35 Speaker 5: I don't know.

14:35 Speaker 3: I've never seen him like this.

14:38 Speaker 8: Here, put this pillow under his head.

14:41 Speaker 9: Any more ideas, Dot?

14:43 Speaker 3: Oh, shut up, Stan.

14:45 Speaker 5: Are you feeling any better? Where am I?

14:55 Speaker 3: Jack and Stan managed to get you up to the guest bedroom.

14:59 Speaker 5: I'm sorry to be such a bother.

15:02 Speaker 3: Millie's making you some fresh tea. Now, tell me what happened.

15:07 Speaker 10: Well, I went back, determined to win the heart of.

15:13 Speaker 5: My love away from this thing.

15:16 Speaker 1: Brute.

15:17 Speaker 5: I marched right up to the graveyard and.

15:21 Speaker 10: Well now, look at what the cat dragged in.

15:29 Speaker 2: How you doing, Pipsqueak?

15:31 Speaker 7: Do you have to be so crude?

15:34 Speaker 10: Now listen here, Butch, if that is really your name. Peggy and I are seeing each other and that is final.

15:46 Speaker 7: Careful! And just what are you gonna do about it?

15:53 Speaker 1: This! Is that all you got?

16:00 Speaker 5: Um, yes.

16:02 Speaker 7: Why don't you try one of mine on besides?

16:05 Speaker 10: I don't even know how I got here.

16:12 Speaker 3: What has gotten into that girl? What a rotten little ghost. I thought she really liked you.

16:19 Speaker 5: I don't think it's her.

16:21 Speaker 4: It's Butch.

16:24 Speaker 3: Maybe Peggy and I need to have a little talk. Woman to ghost kind.

16:31 Speaker 1: Dorothy Peters is not one to be trifled with. She has taken on her share of spirits and other supernatural entities. Let's see how she handles Peggy Ann Snow when I return with Act 3. Act 3 Dorothy has made her way to the cemetery and is currently looking for the spirit of Peggy Ann Snow. Fred is waiting in the car with Stan, hoping that all will go well.

17:27 Speaker 4: Peggy?

17:29 Speaker 7: Peggy Ann Snow?

17:30 Speaker 3: Where are you?

17:31 Speaker 7: Oh, you're Dorothy Peters!

17:35 Speaker 3: Darn right I am! What's been going on here?

17:38 Speaker 7: How is Fred? Is he okay?

17:42 Speaker 3: Millie and I have a large cleaning job that you should be helping with on her living room floor. Ectoplasms all over the place.

17:52 Speaker 7: I didn't mean for it to go so far.

17:54 Speaker 3: Didn't mean for what to go so far?

17:58 Speaker 7: Look, I like Fred. I really do.

18:02 Speaker 3: Then who exactly is Butch?

18:06 Speaker 7: He's my boyfriend. He has been for a long time. I met him shortly after he passed. Oh, I know he's big and brutish, but there was something about him.

18:21 Speaker 3: Apparently a good right cross.

18:23 Speaker 7: Are you sure Fred is okay?

18:26 Speaker 3: Never mind that.

18:27 Speaker 7: Well, you see, Butch was sort of neglecting me.

18:33 Speaker 3: And you thought that you could make him jealous? With my Fred?

18:38 Speaker 7: I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt. At least about Fred. Will you tell him that I'm sorry?

18:47 Speaker 3: I think you should do that.

18:50 Speaker 7: I couldn't face him. Anyway, Butch is expecting me. Sorry.

18:58 Speaker 3: Peggy? Peggy!

19:02 Speaker 7: Get back here!

19:03 Speaker 3: Peggy and Snow, get back here right this minute!

19:15 Speaker 2: Well, how did it go?

19:17 Speaker 5: Does she want to see me?

19:19 Speaker 3: Um, Fred, I've got some bad news.

19:23 Speaker 4: Oh, I knew it.

19:24 Speaker 5: I just knew it.

19:26 Speaker 3: Peggy wasn't right for you anyway. I could just Well, I'm sorry, Fred. Even girl ghosts can be cruel.

19:39 Speaker 2: Sounds like Peggy can be a complete bitch.

19:41 Speaker 3: Stan, we don't use that language.

19:44 Speaker 2: I was just saying that.

19:45 Speaker 3: Stan, I know, and you're right.

19:49 Speaker 5: Oh, it's okay. Dorothy. How dare she just throw me over for.

19:55 Speaker 4: Some stupid eight-foot giant.

19:59 Speaker 5: Who needs her anyway?

20:01 Speaker 2: That's the spirit.

20:02 Speaker 10: Besides, with the luck that I have had with women, I'm going to swear them off completely.

20:09 Speaker 5: That's it. No more women for this little ghost. I have had.

20:16 Speaker 6: Um, Fred? What are you looking at? Don't you see her?

20:27 Speaker 4: See who? Why, over there. Isn't she the most beautiful?

20:34 Speaker 2: Where are you looking?

20:35 Speaker 4: Gorgeous woman that you have ever laid your eyes on.

20:42 Speaker 5: And she's waving at me. Oh, not again.

20:59 Speaker 1: Someone once said, and I really don't know who, that love does not begin and end the way we think it does. Love is a battle. Love is a war. Love is a growing up. And we never know when love will strike next. I'll be back shortly with a final word. Henry Van Dyck once wrote, Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, and too short for those who fear. But for those who love, time is an eternity. Our cast included Crimson McKenzie, William Stafford, Winslow Swan, Dave Arkapoff, Annie Mick, and Jonathan Rosignol.

22:13 Speaker 1: The story was written by Crimson McKenzie and Winslow Swan and directed by Winslow Swan. And now, a preview of our next tales.

22:27 Speaker 2: Hello?

22:27 Speaker 8: Mr. Jones, it's Marcy.

22:30 Speaker 2: Thank goodness it's you. Listen, I should be home by about seven. I hope that doesn't make it too late for your dinner.

22:36 Speaker 8: Seven is fine. However, it would be nice if you had told me that we were to have company.

22:43 Speaker 2: As far as I know, there isn't any.

22:44 Speaker 8: Well, sir, I received a rather strange phone call. The lady told me that you should come home and wait for her.

22:52 Speaker 5: Did she say who she was?

22:55 Speaker 8: She claimed to be your wife, sir. I'm not one to pry into my employer's affairs, but I thought that you said that you were a widower and your wife was dead.

23:07 Speaker 1: This is your host, Artemis Black, inviting you to return with us through the doorway to nightmare for another adventure into the world of your terrifying imagination. Until next time, slumber peacefully. Epilogue.

23:34 Speaker 2: The butler did it.