The Monsters Move In: A Supernatural Comedy Horror Podcast

0:00 Speaker 1: Hi, this is Winslow.

0:01 Speaker 2: This is Crimson.

0:03 Speaker 1: And if you like what we're doing.

0:04 Speaker 2: Hit that like button.

0:05 Speaker 1: And if you want to hear more, subscribe.

0:11 Speaker 3: Within your dreams, there are many keys. One of them could open the doorway to nightmare.

0:24 Speaker 4: Nightmare.

0:38 Speaker 3: Come in. Welcome. I'm your host through the doorway to nightmare. It seems that in every generation, there is a homeless problem. Oh, there have been temporary solutions, but the plight of the disenfranchised seems to go on and on. Dot, this is costing us a fortune.

1:05 Speaker 2: I know, Stan.

1:07 Speaker 3: Stan?

1:07 Speaker 2: I know.

1:09 Speaker 1: Um, Dorothy, there's a small problem in the backyard.

1:14 Speaker 2: Nothing about this is small. What is it?

1:18 Speaker 1: Well, it seems the werewolves were not too keen on the ground round.

1:23 Speaker 2: They had better be thankful they got that. I mean, who do they think they are?

1:29 Speaker 4: Something has got to be done about this. And I mean now.

1:34 Speaker 1: Oh, Control swore that the head office was working on the problem.

1:38 Speaker 2: They need to work faster. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

1:46 Speaker 3: Our mystery drama, Hauntings Haunted Takeover, was written especially for Doorway to Nightmare by Crimson McKenzie and Winslow Swan. Our stars include Crimson McKenzie... William Stafford, Mark Wheeler, Dave Arkapov, Annie Mick, and Winslow Swan. It is sponsored in part by Swanage Press. I'll be back shortly with Act One.

2:13 Speaker 2: Hi, it's Crimson.

2:15 Speaker 4: And Swan.

2:16 Speaker 2: You want to hear some more episodes?

2:18 Speaker 1: Join our YouTube channel at Doorway to Nightmare.

2:21 Speaker 2: And don't forget to subscribe. Hit that like button and tell all your friends.

2:39 Speaker 3: Our story begins on a quiet evening at the home of Stan and Dorothy Peters and their resident ghost, Fred. It's a tranquil moment in the house, and it has been quite some time since anything of a ghostly nature has happened.

3:09 Speaker 2: That was a wonderful movie, Stan.

3:11 Speaker 4: You're most welcome, my beautiful angel.

3:15 Speaker 2: Wait, what happened to Fred?

3:17 Speaker 4: I think he dropped off about 20 minutes into the movie.

3:24 Speaker 2: I guess he doesn't like romantic comedies.

3:27 Speaker 4: Well, he can't expect us to watch horror movies all the time, can he?

3:32 Speaker 2: No, I guess not. I can't believe nothing has happened for some time now.

3:38 Speaker 4: Don't even say that.

3:42 Speaker 5: What?

3:42 Speaker 4: You might speak something into existence. Besides, I rather enjoyed the quiet.

3:48 Speaker 2: Well, even Fred hasn't been practicing his tricks lately.

3:51 Speaker 4: Suits me just fine.

3:53 Speaker 2: But it's so close to Halloween. I want him to be ready. I have so many plans this year.

3:59 Speaker 4: I'm sure he'll be ready. He hasn't let you down yet, has he?

4:03 Speaker 2: No, I guess not. And this year is going to be the best ever.

4:08 Speaker 4: I thought last year was.

4:11 Speaker 2: There is always room for improvement. Now who could that be this time of night?

4:18 Speaker 1: I knew it.

4:19 Speaker 4: I knew the quiet wouldn't last.

4:20 Speaker 2: Oh, Stan. Don't be like that. Maybe it's the neighbor needing something.

4:26 Speaker 4: Nosy Nellie?

4:27 Speaker 2: That is not very nice.

4:28 Speaker 4: Neither is she. Maybe if we were very quiet, they'll go away.

4:41 Speaker 2: Let me just answer the door. I'm sure it's nothing.

4:44 Speaker 6: Um, Mrs. Peters. All right, single-filed. Right through there, into the kitchen. Don't crowd.

4:57 Speaker 2: Control? What's going on?

5:00 Speaker 6: Oh, I do apologize, but we are having a bit of a crisis.

5:05 Speaker 3: Yes, yes.

5:06 Speaker 6: Right on through. Now, don't push. There is plenty of room.

5:13 Speaker 2: Plenty of room for what?

5:15 Speaker 6: Well, we are having to.

5:19 Speaker 3: Relocate.

5:20 Speaker 2: Relocate? What do you mean exactly?

5:23 Speaker 4: What is going on?

5:25 Speaker 2: I'm trying to find out now.

5:27 Speaker 6: I promise that it won't be for very long.

5:29 Speaker 2: Fred!

5:31 Speaker 1: Wake up!

5:34 Speaker 3: I'm here, James. Control?

5:37 Speaker 2: Fred, what do you know about this?

5:40 Speaker 1: I don't know anything.

5:42 Speaker 6: Please, if you will all calm down. I will explain everything.

5:51 Speaker 4: You have got to be kidding.

5:52 Speaker 6: I'm very sorry, Mr. Peters. Really, I am. Unfortunately, the rules state.

5:59 Speaker 2: Don't you dare. I have had it with these so-called rules. Do you just make them up as you go along?

6:09 Speaker 4: So what you're saying is that we now have to host them. How many?

6:18 Speaker 3: Ghosts?

6:19 Speaker 1: Or something else?

6:20 Speaker 2: What do you mean, something else?

6:23 Speaker 7: Well, I took a.

6:24 Speaker 1: Quick head count. There are 17 ghosts, 3 banshees, 2 vampires... Did you just say vampires?

6:31 Speaker 4: 6 werewolves.

6:33 Speaker 1: And.

6:33 Speaker 4: A partridge in a pear tree.

6:36 Speaker 2: This is not funny, Stanley Peters! I didn't have any special drinks tonight! This is serious!

6:45 Speaker 1: Control, what happened?

6:47 Speaker 6: It seems that there is a housing shortage, and we are faced with a homeless problem, especially among werewolves.

6:56 Speaker 2: Can't they just live in the woods? I mean, they are part animal after all.

7:00 Speaker 1: Um, Dorothy, they don't like the word animal.

7:10 Speaker 2: Oh, really? What would they rather be called?

7:14 Speaker 6: Transformed Americans.

7:17 Speaker 2: You have got to be kidding.

7:19 Speaker 4: I think you're taking political correctness a little too far.

7:23 Speaker 2: So what are we supposed to do?

7:24 Speaker 6: We are working on the problem now. It shouldn't take too long.

7:30 Speaker 1: Oh, no.

7:31 Speaker 8: No, no, no.

7:32 Speaker 2: It took Fred almost 150 years to get transferred here. You guys, you guys are worse than the government.

7:39 Speaker 6: I understand your misgivings. I can assure you that I will work very hard on finding a place for every creature here. In the meantime... Yes? Do the best you can.

8:02 Speaker 2: I don't care if you can't stomach it! Be happy I'm feeding you at all!

8:07 Speaker 4: You okay?

8:10 Speaker 2: No, Stan, I'm not okay. Between feeding the animals.

8:14 Speaker 4: Out back.

8:17 Speaker 2: And trying to keep the vampires off my neck, I'm definitely not okay.

8:22 Speaker 1: Well, I've talked with the vampires, and they promise to behave while they are here.

8:27 Speaker 4: They had better. I've already carved out wooden stakes, and I'm not afraid to use them.

8:32 Speaker 1: They did want me to thank you for not hanging up any crucifixes.

8:37 Speaker 2: I'm not getting any sleep. Between the banshees screaming all night and the ghosts playing with the lights and the werewolves howling every time I mention the word animal, I'm going out of my mind.

8:51 Speaker 4: Not to mention what it's doing to our bank account. Do you have any idea how much 60 pounds of ground round cost? And that's just a week.

9:00 Speaker 1: Stan, I'm sure that the head office will reimburse you.

9:03 Speaker 4: They had better.

9:09 Speaker 5: Hello? Um, Dorothy? Can you talk?

9:12 Speaker 2: Yes, Millie. I'm okay. Is there anything wrong?

9:16 Speaker 5: Well, I guess you could say that.

9:19 Speaker 2: What's going on?

9:20 Speaker 5: It's a little hard to explain. About an hour ago, a rather short little troll came to the door and ushered in... Well, I'm not sure how to explain it.

9:31 Speaker 2: Fred! Show yourself right now!

9:37 Speaker 1: The ghoul swore that he would never spy on you in the shower again.

9:40 Speaker 4: I beg your pardon?

9:42 Speaker 5: Not now! Not now!

9:44 Speaker 2: I can't do it! Just explain, explain to me why control was over at the Carson's. Oh, no.

9:53 Speaker 5: I didn't know who else to call, Dorothy. I'm really scared.

9:57 Speaker 2: How many do you have?

9:59 Speaker 5: At last, two. there were eight ghosts, thirteen banshees, three vampires, and some sort of blob that I have no idea what it is.

10:09 Speaker 2: At least you don't have any werewolves.

10:11 Speaker 5: Werewolves?

10:12 Speaker 2: Just hang tight. Stan and I will be over as quick as we can.

10:21 Speaker 3: Ghosts? I could deal with a few ghosts flittering about, but vampires and werewolves? Whatever is happening in the underworld is beginning to take its toll on Stan and Dorothy. I'll return in a moment with Act 2.

10:44 Speaker 2: Mystery.

10:46 Speaker 5: Horror.

10:47 Speaker 2: Thriller.

10:49 Speaker 8: Suspense.

10:50 Speaker 2: Novels and short story collections from Winslow Swan, now available from Amazon.com.

11:11 Speaker 3: At one time, the Peters found out that Fred, when asked, had to host a any ethereal creature that came along. Dorothy never expected to have an entire house full of manifestations, let alone have them invade the home of Jack and Millie Carson.

11:34 Speaker 5: So happy that you were able to come so quickly, Dorothy.

11:38 Speaker 7: Never mind the amenities, Millie. Please, Stan, Dorothy, tell us what the hell is going on.

11:46 Speaker 2: Maybe I should let Fred explain it.

11:50 Speaker 1: Hiya, Jack, Millie. How are things going with you two?

11:54 Speaker 7: How do you think? I've got ghosts coming out of my ears.

11:58 Speaker 1: Well, there really isn't anything that I can do about it.

12:01 Speaker 5: But you ran off that other ghost.

12:04 Speaker 1: Oh, but that was different. And since you had one ghost, well, your house now falls under the rules and regulations of the head office.

12:14 Speaker 7: What head office?

12:15 Speaker 2: Calm down, Jack.

12:17 Speaker 4: Let me mix you a drink. I think you're going to need it.

12:20 Speaker 5: Just tell us what happened.

12:22 Speaker 2: According to control.

12:24 Speaker 5: Was that who that little troll was? Yes.

12:28 Speaker 2: Unfortunately, he's in charge of Spirit placement.

12:33 Speaker 4: Lovely.

12:34 Speaker 2: It seems that there has been some sort of housing shortage, and our homes have been designated as temporary living quarters, or rather, unliving quarters.

12:50 Speaker 7: Will you knock it off? I swear if that thing does that one more time.

12:55 Speaker 4: It does take a little getting used to.

12:57 Speaker 5: How long do we have to put up with this?

12:59 Speaker 1: Control did say that they were working on it.

13:02 Speaker 2: Which means it could take forever.

13:04 Speaker 5: This is.

13:09 Speaker 2: What the hell is that?

13:12 Speaker 5: That. That is that blob I was telling you about.

13:16 Speaker 4: What is it doing?

13:18 Speaker 5: It just slides along the walls. It's making a mess of the wallpaper.

13:23 Speaker 7: That does it. We're going to a hotel. Stan, if you and Dorothy want a room, I'll be happy to get you one.

13:33 Speaker 2: A lovely thought, but I do have werewolves to attend to.

13:37 Speaker 5: You must be joking.

13:39 Speaker 2: Better they have ground round than start munching on us.

13:43 Speaker 4: There has got to be something that we can do.

13:45 Speaker 1: Well, unless you have an empty house stashed away somewhere... There really isn't anything that we can do.

13:53 Speaker 3: Wait a minute.

13:55 Speaker 7: Fred, would any house do?

13:57 Speaker 5: Jack, you're not thinking....

14:01 Speaker 7: You bet I am.

14:02 Speaker 2: You mean, you actually have an empty house somewhere?

14:13 Speaker 4: You call this a house?

14:15 Speaker 3: No, Stan.

14:16 Speaker 7: I call it a castle.

14:18 Speaker 5: Ha ha ha. Jack always called me his queen and said that I deserved a castle.

14:23 Speaker 7: So, as a wedding gift, I had a castle built out here.

14:27 Speaker 5: It's beautiful!

14:30 Speaker 2: How many rooms?

14:31 Speaker 7: I think somewhere around 50, but I've never really been sure.

14:35 Speaker 5: It's perfect!

14:37 Speaker 4: Yes, but do you think the head office will approve?

14:40 Speaker 2: Only one way to find out. Jack, are you sure that you don't mind all of these.

14:46 Speaker 5: those.

14:47 Speaker 2: things... Living here?

14:50 Speaker 7: We only used it one summer, a long time ago.

14:53 Speaker 5: And that was over ten years ago. I mean, it was nice at the time, but the cleaning.

14:59 Speaker 2: Oh, I can imagine.

15:01 Speaker 7: If the head office is willing to buy it, I'm willing to sell.

15:05 Speaker 2: Wait, don't sell it.

15:06 Speaker 4: Dot, I don't like that look in your eye.

15:10 Speaker 2: What look, Stan?

15:12 Speaker 4: That look tells me you have an idea, Brie.

15:15 Speaker 2: Of course I have an idea, Stan. And I promise you won't regret it.

15:20 Speaker 4: Famous last words.

15:21 Speaker 7: Want to let me in on it?

15:23 Speaker 8: Yes.

15:24 Speaker 5: Dorothy, what are you thinking?

15:25 Speaker 2: Jack, how would you like to own a real haunted mansion?

15:36 Speaker 6: That is the craziest idea that I have ever heard of.

15:39 Speaker 2: But you have to admit, it would solve the housing problem.

15:44 Speaker 6: I'm just not sure that I could get it past the committee.

15:48 Speaker 2: You listen to me, Control. I've come up with a perfectly great place for everything you brought to us and the Carsons. There's enough room for a whole lot more. If you don't like that, then.

16:00 Speaker 4: It isn't that, Mrs.

16:01 Speaker 7: Peters.

16:02 Speaker 6: I was talking about the price.

16:04 Speaker 7: What does Mr. Carson want for this property?

16:08 Speaker 5: Oh, yes.

16:09 Speaker 2: That. Well, we discussed it, and he said that he would lease it to you for a mere 500 a week.

16:17 Speaker 3: 500 a week?

16:19 Speaker 6: That's absurd.

16:20 Speaker 2: It is good for 100 years. That's the only lease he is willing to sign.

16:26 Speaker 6: Why do I feel that there is a catch in this?

16:29 Speaker 2: Of course there is.

16:31 Speaker 6: The End.

16:41 Speaker 3: I wonder what plan Dorky has cooked up now. You can rest assured that what lies ahead will be mutually beneficial to everyone. It would be mutually beneficial if you will return with me for Act 3.

17:02 Speaker 1: If you're enjoying these stories, come over to our YouTube channel. Doorway to Nightmare.

17:10 Speaker 2: Where we add a few pics to color your imagination. See the faces behind the voices, too. Come on, you know you wanna.

17:31 Speaker 3: There is a rather famous song that goes something like this. When the moon climbs high o'er the dead oak trees, spooks are awake for the midnight spree.

17:47 Speaker 7: Dorothy, are you sure this.

17:49 Speaker 3: Is going to work?

17:51 Speaker 2: Trust me, Jack. Now, Fred, has Control gathered everyone at the castle?

17:57 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, everyone is there. And a whole bunch of new ones.

18:01 Speaker 4: As long as everything is out of our house.

18:04 Speaker 5: I checked our house and nothing is there now.

18:08 Speaker 2: Great. Now Jack, did you manage to get all of the advertising in place?

18:12 Speaker 7: Full page ads in the newspaper, radio, TV. And I even managed to get three billboards up on the highway.

18:20 Speaker 2: Fantastic!

18:22 Speaker 5: How are you going to manage all of those, those creatures?

18:26 Speaker 2: Watch and learn.

18:28 Speaker 8: All right, all right. Quiet down.

18:42 Speaker 5: Have a little.

18:44 Speaker 8: Quiet in here.

18:50 Speaker 4: Shut up!

18:54 Speaker 2: Everyone, assemble.

18:56 Speaker 1: Werewolves.

18:58 Speaker 2: Vampires. Ghosties.

19:00 Speaker 5: Banshees.

19:01 Speaker 2: Now hush. This is a very large house.

19:05 Speaker 1: Castle.

19:06 Speaker 2: Yes, Fred. It is a castle. And there are plenty of rooms for all of you. You are all the official residents of the haunted castle. It's exciting, isn't it? We have a path marked off for the guests, so... Your private areas will not be disturbed. However, we do have a few ground rules. First, werewolves. Now quiet down.

19:32 Speaker 1: Nico, no fighting. You heard me.

19:35 Speaker 2: You can growl and transform and bark all you want to, but no attacking the guests. You want your treats, don't you? You understand me? No snarls. We have plenty of silver bullets.

19:51 Speaker 6: Okay.

19:54 Speaker 8: Good job.

19:56 Speaker 2: Good job, guys.

19:58 Speaker 5: Okay.

19:58 Speaker 2: Vampires. No biting either.

20:02 Speaker 8: Understand?

20:03 Speaker 2: We can't have guests coming in here, human, and walking out as.

20:07 Speaker 8: Well, you know.

20:10 Speaker 2: And don't think for one minute we don't have wooden stakes handy.

20:14 Speaker 8: Oh, yes.

20:15 Speaker 2: Winston, get out of the line, and we will use them. Ghosts, banshees, and others. As you can see, the house.

20:25 Speaker 1: Castle.

20:26 Speaker 2: Right, Fred.

20:27 Speaker 1: Castle.

20:29 Speaker 2: It isn't a little disarray to suit you guys, but please refrain from throwing things around. Move them. Make them float. Don't throw anything at our guests. They're paying for you to live here. If they don't live, they don't pay. Now, this is opening night. Let's make it a good one.

20:53 Speaker 4: Uh, Dot, cars are starting to come up the drive.

20:56 Speaker 2: Fantastic! Okay, everyone, places, places! Don't forget what I said.

21:02 Speaker 8: Winston?

21:03 Speaker 6: Okay. Okay.

21:05 Speaker 2: Fred is in charge.

21:08 Speaker 5: Me?

21:08 Speaker 2: Yes, you, Fred.

21:10 Speaker 1: But what am I supposed to do?

21:12 Speaker 2: Just make sure that everyone does what they're supposed to do.

21:15 Speaker 8: The spookiest, the better.

21:18 Speaker 5: But....

21:20 Speaker 2: You can do it, Fred. I have faith in you.

21:23 Speaker 7: This is insane, Dorothy. Awesome job, I have to admit.

21:32 Speaker 4: It really was a great idea.

21:34 Speaker 2: Did you let the parking attendants and ticket takers know what's going on?

21:38 Speaker 1: Of course.

21:39 Speaker 7: Everything is running smoothly.

21:41 Speaker 2: What about the disclaimer? Did you make sure that before anyone comes inside, they have signed it?

21:48 Speaker 5: Oh, yes. Everyone thought it was a great gimmick.

21:51 Speaker 4: What disclaimer?

21:54 Speaker 2: Oh, just a little insurance policy I had printed up.

21:58 Speaker 4: Well, come on. What did it say?

22:00 Speaker 7: Ha ha ha. That we are not responsible for any accidents, including vampire bites, werewolf attacks, possessions, or dying of fright while on the premises of Grimwald Castle.

22:15 Speaker 4: And that is legal?

22:17 Speaker 2: According to control, it is.

22:19 Speaker 7: At least everything is out of our homes. And I want to present you with this, Dorothy.

22:26 Speaker 2: What is this?

22:27 Speaker 7: Half the rent, and half of tonight's proceeds, of course.

22:31 Speaker 8: Oh my, Jack!

22:33 Speaker 2: That's not really necessary.

22:35 Speaker 7: Not having to listen to banshees screaming in the dead of night? Believe me, it's worth it.

22:41 Speaker 5: And the phone calls. There are so many people who want to visit the castle. We could keep it open all year round.

22:49 Speaker 1: Well, you'll have to find another managing ghost.

22:52 Speaker 2: I'm sure that won't be a problem.

22:54 Speaker 7: Would you believe that a studio in Hollywood called me?

22:58 Speaker 4: Now, what could they have wanted?

23:02 Speaker 7: They wanted to know how we did the special effects in the castle.

23:07 Speaker 2: Wait until you see what I have cooked up for our house Halloween night.

23:19 Speaker 3: Perhaps you yourself have visited Grimwald Castle. From what I have heard, It is the most fun that you will ever have being scared. As far as I know, no one has ever been attacked or bitten or died of fright. At least, I hope not. I'll return shortly.

23:50 Speaker 2: Hi, it's Crimson. We're hoping you're enjoying these stories and do you want to hear some more? Join us on our YouTube channel, Doorway to Nightmare, if you dare.

24:14 Speaker 3: Like Dorothy Peters, my favorite time of year is Halloween. I invite all types of manifestations for a horror movie marathon. Of course, the neighbors don't complain about the howling, screams, and moans. I do live next to a graveyard, so my neighbors are relatively quiet. Our cast included William Stafford, Crimson McKenzie, Mark Wheeler, Dave Arkapov, Annie Mick, and Winslow Swan. The story was written by Crimson McKenzie and Winslow Swan, and the production was under the direction of Winslow Swan.

25:01 Speaker 3: And from all of us here, behind the doorway to nightmare, living, dead, and undead, happy Halloween.

25:14 Speaker 1: Ha ha ha!

25:49 Speaker 3: And now, a preview of our next tale.

25:54 Speaker 2: What happened, Derek? I.

25:56 Speaker 8: I.

25:57 Speaker 4: I'm not sure, Andrea.

25:59 Speaker 2: The lightning? It looked like... like it was fighting with itself.

26:07 Speaker 8: Oh, God.

26:09 Speaker 4: I think I may know what happened.

26:12 Speaker 3: And I'm scared.

26:14 Speaker 5: Scared? Of what?

26:17 Speaker 4: What will happen next.

26:20 Speaker 3: Doorway to Nightmare is brought to you in part by Swanage Press. This is your host, inviting you to return with us through the doorway to nightmare for another adventure into the world of your terrifying imagination. Until next time, slumber peacefully. Epilogue. The butler did it.

26:55 Speaker 1: If you're enjoying these stories, come over to our YouTube channel, Doorway to.

27:01 Speaker 2: Nightmare, where we add a few pics to color your imagination. See the faces behind the voices, too. Come on, you know you wanna.