When a Fortune Comes with Ghosts: A Dark Audio Anthology Tale "Hat's Off To Henry"

0:00 Speaker 1: If you're enjoying these stories, come over to our YouTube channel.

0:05 Speaker 2: Doorway to Nightmare, where we add a few pics to color your imagination. See the faces behind the voices, too. Come on, you know you wanna.

0:19 Speaker 3: Within your dreams, there are many keys. One of them opens the doorway to. Nightmare. Come in. Welcome. I'm your host through the doorway to nightmare. We all have them. those little voices in our heads. You know the ones that I mean. They whisper to us, give us advice about what decision to make during a life-changing event. Sometimes the voices are represented as an angel on one shoulder and the other a devil.

1:24 Speaker 5: You understand, Mr. Hoffman, That by law, I have to disclose everything about the house.

1:29 Speaker 4: It's just a house. Nothing more than that.

1:33 Speaker 5: Well, it is supposed to be, uh, haunted.

1:39 Speaker 4: You don't really believe that, do you?

1:44 Speaker 3: Our mystery drama, Hats Off to Henry, was based on a story by Crimson McKenzie, and our stars include Mick Davis... Mark Wheeler, Robert Jackson, and Crimson McKenzie. It is sponsored in part by Swanage Press. I'll be back shortly with Act One.

2:06 Speaker 2: Hi, it's Crimson.

2:08 Speaker 1: And Swan.

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2:32 Speaker 3: Permit me to introduce to you Mr. Henry Harold Huffman, a nice agreeable chap who would do almost anything for anyone.

2:49 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's me. Always around when Someone needed something. Just a phone call away. Friends? Sure, plenty of them. Unless I needed something.

3:02 Speaker 2: But you were a good friend.

3:04 Speaker 6: Why don't you leave the poor sap alone?

3:07 Speaker 2: Well, that was rather rude.

3:09 Speaker 6: Well, at least he finally grew a pair of- Who's telling this story?

3:14 Speaker 4: You two or me?

3:15 Speaker 2: Oh, dear boy. Don't let us interrupt you.

3:20 Speaker 6: We can jump in any time.

3:23 Speaker 4: See what I mean? Constantly yapping all the time. Anyway, my so-called friends only called on me when they needed something. As usual, I never said no. But the trouble really started about a year ago, when I received a rather unusual inheritance.

3:47 Speaker 7: According to your grandfather's will, the house is completely yours.

3:50 Speaker 4: I can't believe it.

3:52 Speaker 3: Now.

3:53 Speaker 7: It is out in the country and is in need of some repair. I checked the place out myself and I believe that it is at least inhabitable.

4:03 Speaker 4: That's how I came to live in Mayford. Just a small little town where everything that a person could need is at least ten miles away. Oh, there was a little money involved.

4:15 Speaker 6: A little money?

4:16 Speaker 2: He is right, Henry. It was a sizable amount.

4:22 Speaker 4: Would you mind if I tell this in my own way? Thank you. Okay, so, yes, it was enough so that I could live on for quite some time. That is, until news of my good fortune became public.

4:42 Speaker 5: Oh, just a little bit of oil will fix that.

4:45 Speaker 4: When was the last time anyone lived here?

4:48 Speaker 5: Oh, I believe that would have been sometime in the 1940s.

4:51 Speaker 4: And it's been empty ever since?

4:54 Speaker 5: Well, um, it's not exactly empty. My firm took over about five years ago. We tried to sell it, but there were no offers. I mean, it's so far out of town, you know. We did manage to rent it to a few people.

5:08 Speaker 4: So what happened to them?

5:11 Speaker 3: Uh, well.

5:13 Speaker 5: They only stayed just a few days before packing up and leaving.

5:16 Speaker 4: Any particular reason?

5:19 Speaker 5: Oh, uh, something about the place being haunted.

5:23 Speaker 4: Haunted? By what?

5:26 Speaker 5: They never really said. You know how these old houses are. They creak and groan and people immediately think, Ooh, ghosts!

5:35 Speaker 4: Very interesting. I've never lived with a ghost before. The first night in my new house was spent exploring. It was three stories tall, with bedrooms and bathrooms on the top two floors. Under the stairs, I found the door to the basement. Cobwebs. I hate spiders. I wonder if there's any light down here. Ah, here it is. What is this? What do you know about my grandfather?

6:17 Speaker 5: Well, not a lot. Of course that was way before my time.

6:21 Speaker 4: But you must know something. Anything.

6:24 Speaker 5: Only the stories that seem to always surround strange people.

6:28 Speaker 4: You said strange. Why did you say that?

6:33 Speaker 5: Well, you know, look. He spent his whole life here making, well, hats.

6:41 Speaker 2: Hats?

6:42 Speaker 5: From what my grandfather told me, he was the leading hat maker in the world. Specialty hats. Only made to order and very expensive.

6:50 Speaker 4: So that's what all of that stuff in the basement is.

6:53 Speaker 5: As I said, the house stayed empty all these years. We didn't even know about you until last month.

7:10 Speaker 3: How do you do?

7:11 Speaker 5: My name is Martin Stewart, and I represent the Heartland Security Company. May I come in?

7:16 Speaker 4: Out here? In the middle of nowhere? How much danger could I be in?

7:21 Speaker 7: Oh, you never know.

7:22 Speaker 5: With everything going on in the world today, I don't believe that anyone is really safe.

7:27 Speaker 6: He's absolutely right. Just another salesman. All they want is your money, Henry.

7:34 Speaker 4: I beg your pardon?

7:35 Speaker 5: Well, I was just saying that one cannot be too careful nowadays.

7:39 Speaker 2: You really should consider what he has to say.

7:42 Speaker 6: You should consider taking a knife and cutting out his vocal cords. He's giving me a headache.

7:50 Speaker 4: Don't you hear that?

7:51 Speaker 5: I'm sorry?

7:52 Speaker 4: You mean, you can't hear them?

7:56 Speaker 3: Perhaps I should come back at a more convenient time.

8:00 Speaker 6: Don't let him get away!

8:01 Speaker 2: No, you should invite him inside. At least hear what he.

8:06 Speaker 4: Has to say.

8:08 Speaker 6: Or at least choke him to death.

8:10 Speaker 4: Will you shut up?

8:12 Speaker 8: Yes, I think I will be going now.

8:13 Speaker 6: You idiot! Get him!

8:15 Speaker 4: No!

8:16 Speaker 2: You let him go!

8:18 Speaker 1: Wait!

8:19 Speaker 3: Mr.

8:19 Speaker 4: Stewart!

8:19 Speaker 5: It's okay, I'll come back.

8:20 Speaker 4: Whoa! Oh my god!

8:28 Speaker 6: Not the way I would have done it. Him falling down the stairs and breaking his neck. But it works.

8:35 Speaker 2: You are impossible!

8:43 Speaker 3: How many people are on that porch? Two or four? I'm sure that I heard four, but of course, that isn't the problem. What is Henry going to do with a corpse lying at the bottom of the stairs? What would you do? I suggest you return for Act Two shortly.

9:10 Speaker 2: Mystery.

9:12 Speaker 4: Horror.

9:13 Speaker 2: Thriller.

9:15 Speaker 4: Suspense.

9:16 Speaker 2: Novels and short story collections from Winslow Swan, now available from Amazon.com.

9:37 Speaker 3: I believe that we all have voices in our heads. That little devil that imagines us doing something truly evil. Usually, there is the opposite angel who governs our actions. At least, I hope so.

10:01 Speaker 4: I didn't know what to do. There I was, standing on the porch, looking down at the man who slipped and broke his neck. Should I call the police?

10:11 Speaker 2: Yes, that is exactly what you should do. Help the poor man.

10:16 Speaker 6: Or you could always help him into the hole you could dig in the backyard.

10:22 Speaker 2: And what about the car? How do you explain the car?

10:26 Speaker 4: Yes, how do you explain the car?

10:30 Speaker 6: It broke down, of course. The man used your phone, then started walking.

10:35 Speaker 2: Henry, call the police.

10:38 Speaker 6: Cut him up and burn him in the furnace.

10:40 Speaker 4: Will you shut up? I called the police, but when they got there, the body was... It was gone. Oh, the car was there, but the body had vanished. Or had it? My hands started shaking, and I was getting a headache. I looked around to see if perhaps the man was hiding, but I didn't see anyone. The car was towed away, and I never heard any more about it.

11:10 Speaker 2: Perhaps you need a hobby.

11:11 Speaker 6: Yeah, like murder. You're so good at it.

11:15 Speaker 2: I was thinking of taking up where your grandfather left off and make yourself a hat.

11:21 Speaker 6: Yeah, make a hat out of his skin. Ah, he has such soft skin.

11:30 Speaker 4: But I don't know how to make a hat. I went down to the basement to see what I could find. There were chemicals, felt material, brims, cloth, sewing machines, a skull, and... and what? A human skull? I found it in an old hatbox, bone white, with leathered skin attached. I wanted to throw up.

12:04 Speaker 9: Hey, nice work.

12:06 Speaker 2: Oh, that's disgusting. Wonder who it was.

12:11 Speaker 4: Maybe I should call the police.

12:14 Speaker 2: Again?

12:15 Speaker 9: Again?

12:15 Speaker 3: Oh, goody.

12:19 Speaker 6: Another victim.

12:20 Speaker 2: Why must everything be gruesome for you?

12:24 Speaker 6: It's the only way to live.

12:35 Speaker 10: Good evening, sir. Do you believe in the second chance?

12:39 Speaker 4: Oh, if you don't mind, miss.

12:42 Speaker 10: I'm Evelyn, and I was hoping that you.

12:45 Speaker 4: Evelyn, is it? Well, I have a splitting headache, and since it's Sunday, I plan on.

12:52 Speaker 10: Oh, no, sir.

12:53 Speaker 9: It's Tuesday.

12:54 Speaker 4: What?

12:55 Speaker 10: Yes, sir, Tuesday. That's the day we all go out and spread the word of the second chance.

13:01 Speaker 2: Perhaps you should listen to her.

13:03 Speaker 6: Or gutter like a fish.

13:05 Speaker 4: Exactly what are you selling?

13:07 Speaker 10: No, I'm not selling anything. I want to show you how your life would be better with the second chance.

13:14 Speaker 4: Is it some sort of religious thing?

13:17 Speaker 10: We are the Church of the Second Chance.

13:18 Speaker 6: Hey, why don't you just push her down the stairs? It worked the last time.

13:22 Speaker 3: He tripped.

13:23 Speaker 4: I had nothing to do with it.

13:25 Speaker 10: I'm sorry, sir.

13:26 Speaker 4: No, I apologize. I should never have yelled. I've not been sleeping very well. And I've had this headache for.

13:37 Speaker 4: Are you sure that it's Tuesday?

13:40 Speaker 9: Oh, quite sure, sir. It is Tuesday. Would you mind if I come in and we can discuss how your life could be so much better?

13:48 Speaker 6: At least inside you could slit her throat.

13:51 Speaker 9: Oh, no!

13:52 Speaker 2: That would stain the carpet. Maybe you could just strangle her.

13:59 Speaker 6: Eh, more fine, but no blood.

14:01 Speaker 2: That was kind of the point.

14:03 Speaker 4: Hey, whose side are you on?

14:05 Speaker 2: Oh, did I say that out loud?

14:10 Speaker 6: And very articulate at that.

14:12 Speaker 4: So what should I do?

14:14 Speaker 9: Well, we have some seminars coming up.

14:17 Speaker 2: Just kill her, Henry.

14:18 Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, kill her, Henry, kill her.

14:21 Speaker 9: Now, of course, we cannot continue to operate unless we have some donations from... Money.

14:29 Speaker 5: I'm sorry?

14:29 Speaker 3: You want.

14:31 Speaker 4: Money, right?

14:32 Speaker 5: Oh, not right away.

14:34 Speaker 9: Perhaps a small donation would help.

14:36 Speaker 4: Always want money. Oh, it's only a.

14:40 Speaker 9: Small token amount.

14:41 Speaker 2: Oh, just kill her, Henry.

14:44 Speaker 6: Kill her!

14:45 Speaker 3: Murder her!

14:46 Speaker 4: But how?

14:47 Speaker 9: Oh, well, a hundred dollars is the usual amount.

14:50 Speaker 2: Kill her! Strangle her!

14:54 Speaker 3: No, no, no!

14:54 Speaker 6: Use the knife!

14:55 Speaker 2: But all that blood!

14:57 Speaker 1: Who cares?

14:57 Speaker 6: Just do it!

14:58 Speaker 2: Not on the Persian rock!

15:00 Speaker 3: Yes!

15:03 Speaker 4: Make sure to donate your finances!

15:13 Speaker 2: Good work, Henry.

15:14 Speaker 6: Yeah, way to make that bit pay.

15:26 Speaker 3: Isaac Newton once said, I can only calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people. It seems that even the small voices have a touch of madness. I'll return shortly with Act 3.

15:49 Speaker 2: If you're liking these shows, check out our other episodes on our YouTube channel, Doorway to Nightmare. There's also some previews of Swan's audiobooks on there as well. Come join us.

16:15 Speaker 3: Long before Lewis Carroll wrote the immortal Alice in Wonderland, the term Mad as a Hatter was used. In Henry's case, it has become quite the proper phrase.

16:30 Speaker 2: That's quite nice, Henry.

16:32 Speaker 4: You really think so?

16:34 Speaker 6: A very nice hat, I think.

16:37 Speaker 4: I think so, too, for my first time.

16:52 Speaker 5: Well, it's good to see you're still here.

16:54 Speaker 4: Please, come in.

16:55 Speaker 5: Well, you're not having any trouble with ghosts, are you?

17:01 Speaker 6: Why don't you make a ghost out of him?

17:04 Speaker 2: Not a bad idea.

17:06 Speaker 4: Um, can I get you something to drink?

17:10 Speaker 5: Oh no, I just stopped by to see how you were getting on. And also to bring you some good news.

17:15 Speaker 4: What sort of good news?

17:18 Speaker 5: Well, believe it or not, someone has made an offer on the house. They think it would make a great bed and breakfast.

17:24 Speaker 4: You are still trying to sell my house?

17:29 Speaker 5: Oh, well, apparently the listing was never taken down.

17:33 Speaker 2: The heck with the rug? Slit his throat.

17:36 Speaker 6: My, haven't you got a little... Use the poker, Henry! Use the poker!

17:42 Speaker 4: I happen to like it here. I've been working on a new project.

17:48 Speaker 5: Oh, well, that's okay. I don't really need the commission.

17:53 Speaker 4: Why don't you come downstairs and let me show you?

17:58 Speaker 5: Well, I really, I don't want to be a bother. Yes.

18:02 Speaker 2: Take him downstairs.

18:04 Speaker 6: Much easier to clean up.

18:08 Speaker 3: Yes.

18:08 Speaker 4: I think you will be very interested.

18:14 Speaker 5: It's so dark down here.

18:19 Speaker 4: Let me get the light.

18:22 Speaker 5: What a mess. Must be hard to... Oh, good lord.

18:27 Speaker 4: My grandfather was a wonderful hat maker.

18:31 Speaker 5: But those aren't hats. Those are heads. Human heads.

18:38 Speaker 4: I inherit this house, and you want to take it away from me. I inherit a fortune, and all those people... came out to take it away.

18:47 Speaker 3: Now look, Henry.

18:49 Speaker 4: I won't be treated like a doormat anymore. And you won't take away my house.

18:56 Speaker 5: Henry, put the axe down.

18:59 Speaker 2: Kill him, Henry. Do it now. Do it, Henry.

19:02 Speaker 3: Do it.

19:03 Speaker 4: Not anymore.

19:04 Speaker 7: I saw them.

19:12 Speaker 4: I truly saw them. They haunted me day and night, telling me to do bad things. I don't remember killing anyone, but they were there. You do believe me, don't you?

19:29 Speaker 3: Yes, Mr.

19:30 Speaker 5: Hoffman, I believe you.

19:34 Speaker 3: Well, Doc? Detective?

19:36 Speaker 1: Did you find any remains of anyone?

19:39 Speaker 8: Not a soul.

19:40 Speaker 5: Tell me again what happened.

19:41 Speaker 2: Mr.

19:41 Speaker 8: Hoffman came into the station and started raving about heads and voices and murder. We didn't know what to do, so... we brought him here.

19:50 Speaker 3: But you did investigate.

19:52 Speaker 7: Of course.

19:53 Speaker 8: Didn't find anything.

19:55 Speaker 3: What about the basement?

19:56 Speaker 8: Just a bunch of fabric and chemicals.

19:59 Speaker 3: Was there any mercury?

20:00 Speaker 8: Yeah, lots of it.

20:02 Speaker 5: That would explain it.

20:03 Speaker 8: I don't follow.

20:04 Speaker 3: Mercury poisoning.

20:06 Speaker 8: I thought you got that from eating fish.

20:08 Speaker 3: In the 18th century, all the way up to 1941, hat makers used mercury on fabric. Exposure to mercury could drive you insane.

20:19 Speaker 8: So, what you're saying is that Mr. Hoffman is mad as a hatter?

20:24 Speaker 3: Fatally, detective.

20:27 Speaker 1: I wouldn't be surprised if he lasts another week.

20:30 Speaker 8: We did discover one thing, though.

20:33 Speaker 3: What was that?

20:34 Speaker 8: In the basement. There was a hidden door. When we opened it, we found the remains of 27 people and a notebook from what we gather was his grandfather. It turns out, Mr. Hoffman's grandfather really was a serial killer.

20:55 Speaker 4: You have to believe me. I killed all of those people.

21:02 Speaker 2: Of course you did, Henry.

21:04 Speaker 6: And such a very good job.

21:09 Speaker 4: But did I? Did I really?

21:20 Speaker 3: Henry Harold Huckman. A rather unassuming little man who would do anything for anybody. Who is now sitting in a room, wondering... When he will die. I'll be back shortly.

21:40 Speaker 1: If you're enjoying these stories, come over to our YouTube channel.

21:44 Speaker 6: Doorway to Nightmare.

21:48 Speaker 2: Where we add a few pics to color your imagination. See the faces behind the voices too. Come on, you know you want to.

22:10 Speaker 3: Mercury is not only found in seafood but plenty of other things that we all consume on a regular basis. According to the medical profession, small amounts will not hurt you. I sincerely hope that they are right. Our cast included Mick Davis, Crimson McKenzie, Robert Jackson, Mark Wheeler, Ryder Stone, Rue Snow, William Stafford, Raven Adams, and Will Dorman. The script was inspired and edited by Crimson McKenzie, and the entire production was under the direction of Winslow Swan. And now, a preview of our next tale.

22:59 Speaker 8: What kind of place is this?

23:01 Speaker 2: It's an art gallery, Mr. Benetti. A simple but rather unique art gallery. Nothing more.

23:11 Speaker 8: But these paintings. So grotesque. Demons, torture, blood in all of them.

23:19 Speaker 4: And the statues. Hideous.

23:22 Speaker 2: You should look beyond the horror and see the inner mind of the artist. That is what art is all about. Isn't it?

23:36 Speaker 3: Doorway to Nightmare is brought to you in part by Swanage Press. This is your host, inviting you to return with us through the doorway to nightmare for another adventure into the world of your terrifying imagination. Until next time, slumber peacefully. Epilogue. The butler did it.