Maltese Falcon Prop Mystery: "The Black Bird" | Private Eye Audio Drama - a Sydney Chase Mystery

0:01 Speaker 1: If you'd like to support us, visit our merchandise store. T-shirts, caps, mugs, and so much more. Visit doorwaytonightmare.com today.

0:14 Speaker 2: The Casebook of Sidney Chase, produced and edited by Crimson McKenzie. Written and directed by Winslow Swan and featuring Dave Arkapov. Winslow Swan and starring Crimson McKenzie as Sidney Chase. Tonight's episode, The Blackbird.

0:35 Speaker 3: My name is Sam Spade, detective. This is the story of the Maltese Falcon. I've got the Falcon, plus a thousand bucks for expenses. No, not quite right. Ahem. My hair's looking at you, kid. Remember, if you ever need me, just whistle. You do know how to whistle.

1:00 Speaker 4: Sure.

1:02 Speaker 5: You just put your lips together and blow.

1:06 Speaker 3: Sidney, I didn't even hear you come in. How long have you been standing there?

1:12 Speaker 5: Long enough to ask the question. What exactly are you doing, Alex McGougal?

1:20 Speaker 3: Well, if you must know, Miss Chase, I'm preparing for an audition.

1:27 Speaker 5: Audition? For what? The mental hospital closed down years ago.

1:31 Speaker 3: Oh, very funny.

1:33 Speaker 5: Ha, ha, ha.

1:34 Speaker 3: You should go on television.

1:36 Speaker 5: I'm sorry, Alex. Now, really, what are you doing?

1:41 Speaker 3: Well, I'm trying to tell you I'm auditioning for the part of Sam Spade in The Maltese Falcon.

1:49 Speaker 5: I thought that part was taken by Humphrey Bogart, uh, over 60 years ago. Is Hollywood going to destroy, I mean, remake something else that needs to be left alone?

2:04 Speaker 3: Oh, yes, I completely agree with you, Sydney, but no, this is for a stage version that Mrs. Folsom is putting together.

2:11 Speaker 5: How is my very first client doing, by the way?

2:14 Speaker 3: Oh, she's doing quite well.

2:17 Speaker 5: No more stolen jewelry. Are people using her home for nefarious purposes?

2:23 Speaker 3: No, it's been fairly quiet. Except the theater has been calling for her again.

2:32 Speaker 5: Really? I never knew she was involved in the theater.

2:35 Speaker 3: Oh yes, she used to run a small local group here 20 years ago. They did quite well for a time.

2:44 Speaker 5: What happened?

2:45 Speaker 3: There's unfortunately not enough local interest, so they closed up shop.

2:50 Speaker 5: Until now. So, why the Maltese Falcon?

2:55 Speaker 3: You know, I'm really not sure, Sydney. She asked if I would audition and that perhaps I could. Well.

3:04 Speaker 5: Well, come on, Alex.

3:06 Speaker 1: Spit it out.

3:08 Speaker 3: She was sort of hoping that Perhaps. But if there was nothing pressing at the moment, then maybe we'll just possibly.

3:20 Speaker 5: Forget it, Alex. I'm not an actress.

3:23 Speaker 3: Oh, come on, Sydney. It will be fun. You went undercover as a police detective, didn't you?

3:31 Speaker 5: That's not exactly the same, and you know it.

3:33 Speaker 3: Are you so sure, Miss Chase?

3:36 Speaker 6: Yes.

3:36 Speaker 3: You dress up, put on makeup, come up with a character, and then play for your audience. If that is not acting, I would like to know what is.

3:49 Speaker 5: Yes, but it's usually only to an audience of one. Maybe two. And they are criminals. Besides, who could I possibly play?

3:59 Speaker 3: Well, the femme fatale, of course. Miss O'Shaughnessy. She is in great danger, and Holds a deadly secret.

4:10 Speaker 5: I think I'm going to sit this one out.

4:13 Speaker 3: Miss Folsom is going to be greatly disappointed.

4:16 Speaker 5: You tell her that if something comes up missing, then, and only then, will I be a private detective for her.

4:24 Speaker 3: Are you positive you won't reconsider, Sidney? It really is a good part. Oh, well, hello, Tony. Are you ready to go?

4:38 Speaker 7: You bet I am, sweetheart.

4:40 Speaker 3: Now, just a minute, Ferraro. I'm playing the part of Sam Spade.

4:45 Speaker 7: And who says? Besides, I am a police detective. I think you're more suited to play Gutman.

4:53 Speaker 3: Now, I'm not that overweight.

4:56 Speaker 5: Hey, hey, hey. Easy, both of you. Don't tell me. That you are auditioning as well, Ferrari?

5:06 Speaker 7: I'll have you know that I was quite an actor in college. There was a time when I thought I might become a stage actor instead of joining the force.

5:15 Speaker 3: And then the movies began to talk and ruined your entire career.

5:21 Speaker 7: Very funny, Dr. Google.

5:24 Speaker 5: Hey, I'm the only one that can call him that, Ferrari.

5:28 Speaker 7: Come on, Alex. I was only kidding. Let's get to the theater.

5:32 Speaker 3: Sure you don't want to try out, Sidney?

5:35 Speaker 5: Maybe not try out, but I will come along. If not for the entertainment of watching you two. Hiya, Miss Paulson.

5:55 Speaker 8: Sydney, where have you been keeping yourself these days?

6:00 Speaker 5: Oh, you know me. Always looking for the next mystery to solve. At least when someone hires me.

6:06 Speaker 8: Don't worry, Sydney. I'm sure things will pick up. In the meantime, why don't you at least read the part of Miss O'Shaughnessy?

6:15 Speaker 5: I'm not really an actress.

6:19 Speaker 3: Oh, come on, Sidney. Play with us for a little bit. I'll even read the Sam Spade part.

6:26 Speaker 7: Shouldn't I be doing that?

6:27 Speaker 8: Now, boys, we haven't cast anyone yet. Here, Sidney, start on page 12. Right there. Tony, you read Sam Spade.

6:44 Speaker 5: I have a terrible confession to make. That story I told you yesterday was... Just a story.

6:52 Speaker 7: Oh, that. Well, we didn't exactly believe your story, Mr. Shaughnessy. We believed your $ 200.

7:01 Speaker 5: Tell me, Mr. Spade. Am I to blame for last night?

7:05 Speaker 7: Well, you warned us that Thursby was dangerous. Of course, you lied to us about your sister. But that didn't count. We didn't believe you. Anyway, there's no time to worry about that now. Out there's a flock of policemen with their noses to the ground.

7:24 Speaker 5: Do they know about me?

7:27 Speaker 7: Not yet. I've been stalling them until I could see you, but I've got to know what it's about.

7:33 Speaker 5: I can't tell you, Mr. Spade.

7:36 Speaker 6: Not now.

7:38 Speaker 5: Oh, I will when I can, but not now. I'm so alone and afraid. I have no one to help me if you won't help me. Be generous, Mr. Spade. You're brave. You're strong. You can spare me some of that.

7:57 Speaker 7: What's so funny, Chase?

7:59 Speaker 5: You're so brave. You're so strong. Oh, and get this line. Help me, Mr. Spade. Help me.

8:11 Speaker 3: It is a bit amusing.

8:13 Speaker 7: I still don't see the joke.

8:16 Speaker 5: Miss Folsom. There is absolutely no way I could say that to Lieutenant Anthony Barrari.

8:25 Speaker 7: And why not? I bet that if I'd tried out for the part, I could have beat Mr. Humphrey Bogart.

8:32 Speaker 5: Yes, but you would have been too old for the part.

8:36 Speaker 7: Get out of my office.

8:39 Speaker 3: Tony, we're at the theater.

8:41 Speaker 7: Then get off my stage.

8:43 Speaker 8: All right, children, that's enough. Sidney, are you sure you don't want to part?

8:50 Speaker 5: I'm sorry, Miss Paulson. I really don't think I can pull it off.

8:55 Speaker 8: Oh, well, we tried, Alex.

8:58 Speaker 5: Alex? You were in on this?

9:01 Speaker 3: We thought that perhaps you would be a part of the cast because... Well, why don't you explain it, Mrs. Paulson?

9:08 Speaker 5: Explain what exactly?

9:10 Speaker 3: This. This?

9:15 Speaker 5: It's just a small statue of a black bird. So what?

9:19 Speaker 8: No, Sidney. This is the real Maltese falcon. The one that was used in the movie. The actual statue that they used.

9:31 Speaker 5: How do you just happen to have it?

9:33 Speaker 8: I found it at a museum that was closing down. They were selling a lot of their stuff. I thought it was just a replica. Only paid $ 200 for it. $ 200 isn't that bad.

9:45 Speaker 6: No, Sydney. $ 200, 000.

9:45 Speaker 5: 200,000.

10:01 Speaker 9: Miss Folsom, I must speak with you about the costumes, if you want to call them that.

10:08 Speaker 8: Oh, everyone, this is Robert Wilder. He's the director of our production.

10:14 Speaker 9: Only temporary.

10:16 Speaker 5: And the sets.

10:17 Speaker 9: Do you really expect a director of my caliber to be associated with this, this, and I use the term loosely, play?

10:25 Speaker 5: Ego big enough for you?

10:27 Speaker 2: Excuse me?

10:29 Speaker 9: Did you say something, Miss, um, Miss... Chase.

10:33 Speaker 5: Sidney Chase.

10:35 Speaker 9: Are you even associated with this production?

10:38 Speaker 5: As a matter of fact, I am. Sidney! You're looking at Bridget O'Shaughnessy.

10:45 Speaker 8: Oh, thank you, Sidney.

10:46 Speaker 7: Now, wait a minute. It's bad enough she louses up our cases, but now I have to play opposite her?

10:54 Speaker 5: It's a dream come true. Eh, Tony?

10:57 Speaker 7: I thought you weren't even going to be a part of this. What changed your mind?

11:02 Speaker 5: I'll tell you later, Tony.

11:03 Speaker 9: Well, now, if you don't mind, I would like to try and get through at least Act One sometime tonight.

11:10 Speaker 8: Well, except for Sidney's part. We haven't cast anyone yet.

11:15 Speaker 9: You're putting me on.

11:17 Speaker 3: Fine.

11:18 Speaker 9: Then let's just throw the scripts into the air, and whatever lands on whom, that will be the part they play. I've never seen such amateurish companies in all of my years.

11:33 Speaker 10: Excuse me. Is this the Maltese Falcon Auditions?

11:37 Speaker 7: Yes.

11:38 Speaker 8: Please, come in. I'm afraid that we've already cast the main female character.

11:43 Speaker 10: Oh, that's okay. If there is any part that I could play, I'll be happy to.

11:48 Speaker 9: Must we have another amateur actress?

11:52 Speaker 3: Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, Mr.

11:54 Speaker 4: Wilder.

11:55 Speaker 3: Mrs. Folsom, why can't the part of Joel Cairo be a female?

12:01 Speaker 8: In this day and age?

12:03 Speaker 5: Why not?

12:04 Speaker 10: I've always loved the movie, but I don't think that I could pull off a Peter Lorre voice.

12:09 Speaker 9: Oh, well, if that's the case, then.

12:11 Speaker 8: We'll be happy to have you. Welcome aboard, Miss... Bells.

12:16 Speaker 10: Allison Bells. And thank you.

12:20 Speaker 9: Would you mind at least reading for the part first? If I'm going to direct this disaster, I should at least know who's on the ship.

12:28 Speaker 3: Oh, of course.

12:30 Speaker 8: Alex, why don't you read the Sam Spade part this time?

12:34 Speaker 3: Oh, I'd be honored to. Now... What can I do for you, Mr. Cairo? Oh, sorry. I suppose now it should be Miss Cairo.

12:47 Speaker 9: Let's just see how she reads it first.

12:51 Speaker 10: May a stranger offer her condolences for your partner's unfortunate death.

12:55 Speaker 3: Ah, thanks.

12:56 Speaker 10: Is there, Mr. Spade, as the newspapers implied, a certain relationship between that unfortunate happening and the death of a little later of the man, Thursby? I beg your pardon, no. Merely idle curiosity prompted my question. You see, Mr. Spade, I'm trying to recover an ornament that, shall we say, has been mislaid.

13:22 Speaker 6: I see.

13:23 Speaker 10: The ornament is a statue of a blackbird. I'm prepared to pay on behalf of the bird's rightful owner the sum of $ 5, 000 for its recovery. $ 5, 000 is a lot of money. You will clasp your hands together behind your head.

13:39 Speaker 3: Hey, what is this? Put that gun away.

13:42 Speaker 10: I intend to search your offices, Mr.

13:44 Speaker 9: Spade.

13:45 Speaker 10: Any attempt to stop me and I will most assuredly shoot you.

13:48 Speaker 3: Then go ahead.

13:50 Speaker 8: Yes, go ahead. I do believe we can make this work.

13:54 Speaker 9: Now just wait a minute. I think we are overlooking something.

13:58 Speaker 3: Do you mean when Spade disarms Cairo and then knocks him out? Exactly.

14:06 Speaker 9: How will that look if we change Cairo into a woman?

14:09 Speaker 8: Oh, Pooh, it's going to be fine. Allison, how do you feel about it?

14:15 Speaker 10: I can take a punch.

14:17 Speaker 8: Then it's settled.

14:18 Speaker 7: But who's going to play Sam Spade?

14:32 Speaker 5: Fix you a drink, Tony?

14:34 Speaker 7: Only if you'll tell me why you changed your mind about doing the play. Scotch, please.

14:45 Speaker 5: Alex, your usual?

14:47 Speaker 3: A glass of Burgundy would do wonders.

14:50 Speaker 5: The storm seems to be getting worse.

15:02 Speaker 7: Will you quit stalling?

15:03 Speaker 5: Okay, okay. Come on out, George.

15:10 Speaker 4: I suppose it's because of me, Lieutenant.

15:13 Speaker 3: Sidney? What's going on?

15:15 Speaker 7: Yes, please. So the rest of the class will know.

15:18 Speaker 5: This is George Hayward from the insurance company.

15:23 Speaker 4: Technically, I only freelance for them. Mostly I do what Sidney does.

15:28 Speaker 7: You mean get in the way of the police doing their job.

15:31 Speaker 4: Don't worry, Ferraro. I'm only here to do this one job.

15:35 Speaker 7: Which is?

15:36 Speaker 4: Sidney, you want to give them the details?

15:39 Speaker 7: I wish somebody would.

15:40 Speaker 5: Geez, don't blow a gasket, Tony. Miss Folsom bought that statue last year. You heard her. She paid $ 200, 000 for it.

15:51 Speaker 3: I have a feeling that it is worth a lot more.

15:55 Speaker 4: Try just a little over four million.

15:58 Speaker 7: Four million? As in dollars?

16:05 Speaker 5: That's right, Tony. It was bought by Steve Wynn, the Las Vegas billionaire. But then it simply vanished.

16:14 Speaker 4: That statue is supposed to be resting comfortably between two Picassos at Steve Wynn's Las Vegas home.

16:21 Speaker 7: But if Mrs. Folsom has the real statue, what did Steve Wynn buy?

16:27 Speaker 5: That's just it. The statue that sold at auction was verified as the real Maltese Falcon.

16:33 Speaker 4: The question is, how did it wind up in a closed-down museum and eventually bought by Mrs.

16:39 Speaker 3: Folsom? Ah, the thing that dreams are made of. But I understand that several copies were made for another film in the 70s.

16:51 Speaker 5: That's right, Alex. But the one that Miss Folsom has, it turns out to be the one and only Maltese Falcon.

17:00 Speaker 7: So why is George here?

17:02 Speaker 4: The insurance company that paid out to Steve Wynn when the statue disappeared is very interested in getting the article back.

17:11 Speaker 7: So why doesn't Mrs. Folsom just give it back?

17:14 Speaker 5: Because, my dear Ferrari, they would also like to catch the thief who got it the first time.

17:21 Speaker 3: And they think that whoever it is may try to grab it?

17:25 Speaker 4: Which is why I'm here.

17:32 Speaker 7: Storm is getting worse.

17:34 Speaker 4: I'm going to head back to my hotel. See you all in the theater tomorrow for rehearsals.

17:47 Speaker 3: Tony, would you like a little help with your Bogart impression?

17:50 Speaker 5: Yes, Tony. Congrats.

17:53 Speaker 7: Here's looking at you, kid.

18:15 Speaker 3: Hello?

18:16 Speaker 6: Alex, meet me at the theater as soon as you can.

18:19 Speaker 3: Sydney, what's going on? What time is it?

18:24 Speaker 6: About three in the morning.

18:25 Speaker 3: Three in the morning? What happened?

18:28 Speaker 6: The Maltese Falcon, it's been stolen.

18:31 Speaker 3: Why can't criminals do their crimes at decent hours?

18:37 Speaker 6: Like nine to five? Where would the fun in that be?

18:41 Speaker 3: Let me at least get a cup of coffee and maybe for you start making jokes.

18:46 Speaker 6: I'll see you at the theater.

18:55 Speaker 8: I just can't believe it. They didn't even wait until opening night.

19:03 Speaker 5: Nice pajamas, Ferrari.

19:05 Speaker 7: I rushed over here right after you called me.

19:07 Speaker 3: Will someone explain what happened?

19:10 Speaker 8: The Maltese Falcon was stolen.

19:13 Speaker 3: I know that, but how do you know that?

19:16 Speaker 8: Because I checked on it.

19:19 Speaker 5: Maybe you had better start from the top.

19:23 Speaker 9: This is outrageous. Do you have any idea what time it is?

19:27 Speaker 4: Believe me, I really do.

19:29 Speaker 10: I don't understand why I have to be here.

19:32 Speaker 9: Somebody had better start explaining things around here.

19:35 Speaker 7: If you would all calm down, I'm sure that we can settle this quickly. Chase, would you like to let us in on whatever's going on?

19:44 Speaker 5: First, Miss Folsom, where exactly was the falcon kept?

19:49 Speaker 8: In my safehouse.

19:50 Speaker 10: At home.

19:51 Speaker 5: Who out of all of us knew that?

19:53 Speaker 8: I suppose everyone, except Allison, who just started with us last night.

19:59 Speaker 10: Could I please go back to my apartment? I don't even know any of you.

20:04 Speaker 5: Hang on, Miss Allison. Let me ask you. How did you hear about auditions for this play?

20:11 Speaker 10: I saw it in the newspaper, so I thought I would take a chance.

20:15 Speaker 4: Would you care to explain how it is I found you at Mrs. Folsom's place tonight?

20:22 Speaker 8: What? Why were you there?

20:25 Speaker 5: Hang on. We're jumping the gun, so to speak. Allison, answer George's question, please.

20:33 Speaker 10: I just wanted to... To find out when the next rehearsal was going to be from Mrs.

20:38 Speaker 9: Folsom.

20:39 Speaker 5: Yes, but how did you know where she lived?

20:42 Speaker 10: I asked Mr.

20:43 Speaker 3: Wilder.

20:43 Speaker 9: Oh, just wait a minute, young lady. I've never met you until last night. I'm not in the habit of giving out information to strangers.

20:51 Speaker 5: Did you know about the statue being in the safe, Mr.

20:54 Speaker 4: Wilder?

20:54 Speaker 9: How would I know anything about that?

20:56 Speaker 8: Because you saw me put it in there last week.

21:00 Speaker 9: I believe that you are mistaken. Or perhaps senile.

21:04 Speaker 8: How dare you! You know good and well that I always kept the statue in the safe. That was the only reason you wanted to direct our play.

21:15 Speaker 7: Wait a minute. What do you mean, that was the only reason?

21:20 Speaker 8: Wilder has done some directing in other amateur productions, but he was extremely excited to do ours when he found out that we would be using the original statue.

21:34 Speaker 4: That's very interesting, Mr.

21:36 Speaker 7: Wilder.

21:37 Speaker 9: Of course I was interested. Anyone would be.

21:41 Speaker 3: But, Mr.

21:42 Speaker 10: Wilder, you told me that you were getting ready to quit and leave town.

21:46 Speaker 5: When did he say that, Allison?

21:48 Speaker 10: Last night, when I asked where Mrs. Folsom lived.

21:51 Speaker 2: I said no such thing.

21:53 Speaker 9: I consider it an honor to direct this production.

21:58 Speaker 5: George, what were you doing at Mrs. Folsom's?

22:02 Speaker 4: Call it a gut instinct. I had a feeling that someone would try to steal that black bird tonight.

22:08 Speaker 5: And you had a suspect in mind?

22:11 Speaker 4: I certainly do. And I can prove exactly who did it.

22:18 Speaker 3: Well, don't leave us in suspense. Tell us already.

22:23 Speaker 4: None other than Mrs.

22:27 Speaker 3: Pulsum.

22:28 Speaker 8: This is completely ridiculous. Why would I want to steal my own statue?

22:34 Speaker 4: Ah, but it isn't your statue now, is it?

22:39 Speaker 5: George, I thought that Miss Folsom was working with the insurance company.

22:44 Speaker 3: So did I.

22:46 Speaker 4: But I have it on very good authority that a private collector is offering five million for the Falcon. I would say that's pretty good incentive for theft.

22:58 Speaker 8: But it doesn't make any sense. You told me to put it in the safe tonight. I was only following your instructions.

23:07 Speaker 7: Yes, George. You'd better have some better evidence than that.

23:12 Speaker 4: Oh, but I do. Look at her shoes.

23:15 Speaker 3: My shoes?

23:17 Speaker 8: What about them?

23:18 Speaker 4: It rained last night, and your shoes are covered in mud.

23:24 Speaker 8: So what? It's muddy outside.

23:27 Speaker 2: Yes, all of our shoes are covered in mud.

23:30 Speaker 10: I don't get it.

23:31 Speaker 4: It quite simply sets up her lie to tell the insurance company the mud on her shoes matches the ground outside her living room window, right next to the safe. She simply walked through the garden, stepped into the window, took the statue, and hid it somewhere.

23:51 Speaker 8: That makes no sense at all.

23:55 Speaker 5: I have to agree with her. How do you know she walked in her garden with those shoes?

24:00 Speaker 4: Because, Miss Chase, I went out there tonight and made plaster casts of the footprints that I found. Those casts matches her shoes perfectly.

24:12 Speaker 3: I'm sorry. Did you just say perfectly?

24:19 Speaker 5: I believe he did say perfectly. Huh.

24:24 Speaker 7: I'm glad I'm not the only detective to hear it.

24:27 Speaker 5: Would you like to do the honors, Mr. Sam Spade?

24:30 Speaker 7: Of course, sweetheart. You see, George, when you make a plaster cast of footprints, especially in the mud, the concrete gets bigger. We only look for similarities in the treads of shoes, not the actual size.

24:47 Speaker 4: What are you talking about? I'm no amateur.

24:50 Speaker 5: Oh, but you are. And since you're also a detective, you have certain skills. Like knowing how to break into a safe.

25:03 Speaker 8: Especially an old one like mine.

25:06 Speaker 9: Mrs.

25:06 Speaker 3: Folsom, a three-year-old child could get into your safe.

25:12 Speaker 8: I really should get a new one.

25:15 Speaker 3: Come on, George.

25:16 Speaker 7: Where is the Falcon?

25:19 Speaker 4: It's in my hotel room.

25:21 Speaker 5: But why, George?

25:23 Speaker 4: Five million dollars? How could I pass that up?

25:28 Speaker 8: Unfortunately, I don't think you would have gotten five cents.

25:32 Speaker 4: What do you mean?

25:34 Speaker 9: I think I know what you're about to say, Miss Folsom.

25:38 Speaker 10: Well, there goes my plan.

25:39 Speaker 5: I thought I recognized you, Allison. Still trying to be a con artist?

25:46 Speaker 10: I'm not really very good at it.

25:48 Speaker 7: Would someone let me in on the joke?

25:51 Speaker 5: The Maltese Falcon... It's a fake.

25:54 Speaker 3: Just like in the movie. Then.

25:57 Speaker 4: Oh, no.

26:00 Speaker 8: I bought it off of eBay. It's a replica and nothing more. Only paid ten bucks. And that included shipping.

26:10 Speaker 6: Yep.

26:11 Speaker 5: The Falcon really is the things that dreams are made of.

26:17 Speaker 5: He's looking at you, kid.

26:22 Speaker 2: You have been listening to The Casebook of Sidney Chase, produced and edited by Crimson McKenzie, written and directed by Winslow Swan. Featured in the cast, Dave Arkapov as Ferrero, Winslow Swan as Alex, with Annie Mick as Miss Folsom, Mick Davis as Wilder, Patient Adams as Allison, William Stafford as George, and starring Crimson McKenzie as Sidney Chase. This is your announcer, Mick Davis, inviting you to join us next time for another adventure from the casebook of Sidney Chase.

27:04 Speaker 2: Epilogue The Butler Did It If you're.

27:09 Speaker 5: Liking these shows, check out our other episodes on our YouTube channel. There's also some previews of Swan's audiobooks on there as well. Come join us.